I'm still not sure what I am doing SOS

[JasmineVoyles]

Okay, so I've been in this community for like 2 years? Since January 2017 which really isn't a long time compared to many of you. And I really want to dig in, dive in but I just have such horrible depression that sometimes I just don't have the motivation, energy or focus to force myself to sit down and dedicate time into getting better at anything. The last 3 years have been a very hard time for me it's just one thing after another and I feel like I could really use to help from some of the demon lords (like I really want to get out of this awful repeating rut that I am in) but if I can't see, hear or feel them around me when I do a ritual or whatever, then I need to work on that. But it's just so hard when I don't even want to get out of bed day after day. I don't know what to do? Has anybody been in this situation before? If so, what did you do to get passed it? And before anybody suggests it, yes I have thought of therapy. I am open to it. Unfortunately, I cannot afford it right now.

[alikat13]

I completely understand how you feel, I started out on this metaphysical journey I believe back in 2015 on another forum and I initially went into it very lost, confused and severely depressed. I knew some of the basics before starting out but that still didn't prevent me from making a lot of mistakes and feeling like a complete outsider even in the metaphysical, I was battling depression in every area of my life and I honestly started to doubt that this was the right journey, I was constantly told by a few far more experienced people that I should give up because I too am spiritually blind and deaf. I took some time off trying to get my life together before I decided to transition onto here back in 2016 and I started to grow a lot. I learned so much but I was still dealing with major depression so yes, I was gaining all this wisdom and personal growth but I still lacked psychic growth, even after practicing somewhat I saw no difference and I quickly gave up on myself for awhile and took a whole year off.

Everyday felt like a neverending struggle, I felt like it was me against the world when in reality it was always just me against myself. Depression is a real bitch and a lot times it doesn't go away even in my little happy moments it tends to creep back up just to tear me apart, i started to look at my depression as if it was seperate manevelont being I was dealing with because to me that's how I chose to see it, I didn't want to believe that this was truly who I am, I knew I was much better than whatever this thing was attempting to consume my life. I first started to write down all the things I wish to achieve and make seperate lists to fit certain areas of my life, for example I had a list of what I wanted to achieve in my personal life and then what I wanted to achieve in my spiritual journey. I categorized them from what I wanted to achieve first and what seemed like the simpliest to the more difficult goals. I then started to say a few positive affirmations, and talk to my spirit family even though I may not be able to hear or see them I could still talk to them because they can all hear me and still assist me. They send me signs that they're there for me usually through dreams and have even helped me in little areas of my life. I feel i've personally been gaining a lot more psychic awareness since then. I also choose to talk to my depression as a seperate entity like I said before just to let it know that doesn't have any control over my life, to help me feel like i'm in power.


After three months of doing this things have defintely changed for the better in my life. Sometimes though I feel it creeping it up behind and somedays are a bit harder than others but it's my determination that motivates me to do better. Just know that it's normal to feel lost and depressed and you're not alone on this. You have a spirit family who I'm sure loves you dearly and us to assist you when you need help. Spiritual growth is a constantly roller coaster even though most experienced people/practitioners even have their days where they don't have the energy to perform their daily routines. I say you're in the perfect position to recieve some help from DL's you just have to keep an open mind and know exactly what you want them to assist you with. They understand human emotions more than most of humans so don't think a DL will turn you away because of your depression. I hope this helps you a little and wish you the absolute best on your journey, don't feel the need to rush anything, just take life one step at a time so you can feel yourself stepping into your power, the moment you find yourself is one of the most precious moments life has to offer so better to be patient with your progress than to rush it all and miss out on that beautiful moment.

[Eilana]

Hi Jasmine, welcome back and nice to see you again ^-^ the timing of this is so interesting as the other day during a drive through the mountains something popped into my head which as I am looking now, I believe was your old signature that had Inuyasha and some words… though anyway, I had logged in to do something else but seeing you post, this entire thing seems synchronous so I stopped to reply before I go back to work lol

While depression is considered a medical condition and I am not a medical professional so I can’t give you medical advice, I can share things with you that I looked at while addressing my own depression. This is by no means to be considered what you absolutely should do, but maybe some things to look into.

You don’t have to answer any of these things out loud or here on the forum, these are more just things I would ask myself…

Physical things like diet, exercise and sleep. What are you eating? Are you drinking enough water? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you getting up and getting out/moving around?

Is there someone or something in your environment that is making you miserable?

For me, it was the people I spent the majority of my time with, combined with making physical changes in my life and doing shadow work, that ultimately ended up helping me with my depression. My ex-husband actually was very negative and abusive to me and I had become ‘used to it’ and didn’t even realize how awful he made me feel until I started going through and trying to ‘fix’ and ‘heal’ myself. Yes there were elements of healing myself that needed to be done and I did a lot of that before I realized how he was treating me and decided to leave him. I also did a lot of self-work after…

It’s been my personal experience, depression for me at least was the symptom of other issues/problems in my life. Things I was not dealing with or things I just did not feel very good about. At one point when I moved to the West Coast, I actually had a vitamin D Deficiency so vitamin deficiency may also be something to look at. Once again, disclaimer I am not a medical doctor nor do I claim to be lol

Other things I did … I started my spiritual journey and did find the motivation to read, explore and learn. If you’re not able to do exercises or just don’t have the motivation, is there anything you enjoy doing that you can still feel any passion towards? I used to write, a lot. Writing can be incredibly therapeutic. I heard something once which was, when you feel really terrible and don’t know what to do in a certain situation or in life, write yourself a letter that you would write to a friend in the same situation. What would you tell them? What you would recommend? This may help you sort through your thoughts, feelings or even give you a different perspective on things. It kind of pushes you to step out of where you are and see it from another place. Sometimes we get really stuck, and since you described it as a rut, this may help in that place.

The other thing is do something different. Again, depending on how you are (personally I tend to get stuck in my thoughts, in my head, on details or analyze things to death lol ) doing something physical, even just getting up and going for a walk can reset my mind. I especially used to like walking outdoors in the woods. If you’re not the outdoors type, go see a show or take a class. Read a book. Maybe even do something you would not normally do. Obviously don’t do anything dangerous or that would cause harm to your health. I’m thinking more like an activity, class, trip somewhere even if it’s local or to a theatre, etc.

Doing other types of art can be therapeutic as well. I would do repetitive tasks like sewing, embroidery, crochet or knitting. Which reminds me, there are other types of meditation besides just sitting and doing a focused meditation with your eyes closed. So if you still want to try exercises, you may be able to find something you enjoy or are passionate about and be able to do a different type of meditation. Dancing can be meditative, so can walking.

Hopefully something here resonates with you or maybe at least leads you to what you are looking for. If you have any questions or thoughts, please feel free to ask or mention them. Also even just stepping out and asking for help is a good start and not always easy so I commend you on that <3

Spiritual growth is a constantly roller coaster even though most experienced people/practitioners even have their days where they don't have the energy to perform their daily routines. I say you're in the perfect position to recieve some help from DL's you just have to keep an open mind and know exactly what you want them to assist you with. They understand human emotions more than most of humans so don't think a DL will turn you away because of your depression. I hope this helps you a little and wish you the absolute best on your journey, don't feel the need to rush anything, just take life one step at a time so you can feel yourself stepping into your power, the moment you find yourself is one of the most precious moments life has to offer so better to be patient with your progress than to rush it all and miss out on that beautiful moment.

While everything Alikat says is really helpful, I wanted to highlight this specifically as it made me realize something I sometimes forget to say lol I do still have days where I feel sad or even depressed. Sometimes (as I mentioned for myself) it is indicative of other problems and other times I just feel like crap and have no real reason why. In the cases where I have no reason why, or at least one I can't identify, while getting up and out (taking a walk or just getting out of the house) can help, sometimes I can't do this so I will do one of two other things. I really like making other people happy, so I do something nice for someone else. This could mean a lot of different things but just something to shift the energies and help someone else. Or, I find something that makes me laugh. Laughter is very high vibrational. So is love. There are also different meditations you can do to transmute your feelings and energies but that is something I would do with the help of a professional, as misuse of these kinds of things can actually end up doing harm.

[User3246]

I want you to know that I certainly understand depression. After my child was ripped from my womb and murdered in front of my eyes, there was a time when I just cried. For 3 YEARS I cried most of every day, to the point the salt from my tears destroyed the skin on my face just like a burn, and my ears kept getting fungal infections from my tears running into them and being constantly wet. I hid it, as much as I could, and no one cared enough about me to talk to me about it. I am still very much a loner, and I have always tried to handle my own problems. Looking back, I needed medication to get through. The problem with that is the side effects of the meds for depression were too terrible for me to want to deal with. What I should have done was to have a short course of it anyway, enough to get me to the point where I could go to a psychiatrist and patch my damaged mind and emotions up in therapy. So I understand sadness, and not wanting to face another day, and wanting to die even, without being able to take the coward's way out and kill myself. *sighs* I did get help, but it was a very unorthodox way. Aliens helped me. In their worlds, mental illness is a sickness to be cured, just like any other. It is not a weakness of the mind and does not carry a stigma like it does in our society. They implanted an energy device in my brain that stopped all those tears. They saved my life. I have birth defects in my heart, and the stress and strain was reaching the point that I was headed for a stroke or heart attack. THOSE kind of crying sessions. That severe. I know it is not a way that will help you, but looking back, I can say I should have gotten help way before I got to that point. Only you can determine whether you are bad enough to need medication or even hospital treatment for depression, but I do know that I made myself miserable for a very long time. Yes, It still sucks, what happened to me. Nothing will really ever make it better, but I have a life that is worth living now, and I have learned so much. I am glad I got help SOMEWHERE. I think if I did have some therapy, I would feel better, just to talk to someone. I have not, because it was not a situation anyone would really understand, and getting locked up in a Nut Hut for talking to aliens is not going to help me at all. All I can say is, talk to someone. Talk to your Demons if you have any. You do not sound happy, and you deserve to be. You need to believe in yourself, and know you CAN hear Demons if you want. It is a matter of self confidence and believing that you can. Try every day. The Demons WILL get through to you eventually. They are amazing beings. Yes, you can even talk to the Demon Lords, and ask them for help. I told them I needed help to get a Demon to talk to, and they helped me get one. I forgot to tell them to turn that off, I have enough, so now I have 35. XD For a while, I did craft work like Eilana, and that helped. I am probably the only person you know that has ever spun and crocheted wolf, jackal, and bear fur. I do those damned diamond dot paintings when I need to think, too. It helps me take my mind off of my worries. Everything Eilana says is sensible advice. Think it through. Ask yourself "What do I need to change that I have control over right now?"

[Oflight Lokebrenna]

I have what used to be called manic depression but is now called bipolar 2 disorder. I'm super fun at parties (not).

Do what you can when you can, and try not to beat yourself up when you're having bad days. Also! Very important! On your good days, don't try to do everything all at once. If you do, you might burn yourself out, sending you deeper on your bad days. I did this to myself, and I spent 3 years in a spiritual stupor. I'm picking myself up and this time I know to take it easy or risk burn out again.

[Passchendaele]

As someone who has been dealing with depression almost all of my life, run, do not walk, to a suicide line or a doctor or anyone in your community that can guide you to a good therapist. Pick one out of the phone book! The first person you talk to does not have to be the one you work with. Kinda like picking a DC, only different. You cannot "beat" this on your own. It will NEVER "go away" on it's own. It is not like any other disease, it buries itself in your soul and eats away at you from the inside. It is a master of disguise because it is YOU. It knows you better, much, much better, than your waking self knows you. It is relentless, it never takes a day, or a minute, off.
It is a master of keeping you under it's thumb. It will send you off in a thousand different directions looking for help because it knows you will never find it where you are seeking it. It will do it's best to make sure you never get the help you need or talk to the people you need to talk to

It will disguise itself as another disease like alcoholism, drug addiction, co-dependence, you name it, just as long as you never realize what it really is. Depression. Those diseases are often found in people with depression, and sometimes they are not. Your depression will try to convince you that dealing with your alcoholism will get rid of it. It won't. Dealing with the alcoholism or whatever is a Really Good Thing, if you have one of those problems.But it will not get rid of your depression because it will morph into something else once it realizes that it can't hide behind the addiction anymore. It will feed the addiction, that helps keep you under it's control, but you have to work separately to deal with the depression.

I cannot tell you how much my heart goes out to you. The words you have written have been me for decades. Some times are worse than others, some times will be better, sometimes you will feel great! But it won't last.

At it's worse, you feel nothing but the spiritual pain that never, ever fucking goes away. And you will get so TIRED of fighting it. You will be exhausted, so exhausted you can't drag yourself out of bed, get dressed and leave the house.You can't talk to other people, you don't WANT to talk to other people, they don't fucking UNDERSTAND they don't fucking KNOW, REALLY KNOW what the hell you are going through. And you know what? They don't. Not if they have never had to deal with depression, they have no fucking idea what you are going through. And trying to tell them just takes more of what little spiritual energy you have left.

You will want to die. Not because you really want to die, but because you are just so, so, so fucking tired of HURTING ALL THE FUCKING TIME. ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Dying seems like the only way to get the fucking pain to STOP.

But you can stop the pain. You can break depressions hold on you, you can take back your beautiful life, your beautiful, beautiful self and take control. It will never go away but that sure as hell doesn't mean that YOU can't control it, you CAN!

But you will need help. Going to a DL certainly will not hurt, but I suspect they will urge you to seek out professional help on the Material Plane. And having the right therapist will do wonderful things for you. If money is an issue Talk About It with a professional, they will work out something, help you find the resources, they WILL NOT abandon you.

What I am about to say is based strictly on the information you have provided here. Your life, like anyone else's is really complex. Your depression is REALLY complex. But, it seems, to me, that you are at a particular point in your depression that this advice may be helpful....

Baby steps:
Start out small and easy, steps that you know you can take if you just give it a little umph. Like, calling a hot line. That can be an amazing resource, please, PLEASE consider it. It's just a phone call away. Take a little extra time to decide what to wear. Think about how you are going to dress, what will look nice, what goes well together. Maybe a trip to the salon or hairdressers, try a new "look" Get out of the house more to do positive things. Like, exercise. If you have a bike and the weather is nice, go for a ride! No destinations, no deadlines, just ride your bike around. Watch TV shows that make you laugh. rent funny movies. I know it sounds kinda silly, but indulge things that make you laugh, but not at yourself.
Meditate. You do not have to meditate "on" something, unless you wish to. That is, you do not have to have a set goal in mind. Meditate for the sake of meditating. Start with a few minuets a day, build on that at a rate you are comfortable with. It does not have to elaborate, unless you really like that sort of thing, just set aside a few minutes every day for meditation.

PLEASE,PLEASE do not try and "go it alone" it WILL NOT work, it will only leave you more depressed and more vulnerable

Take it nice and easy. Setting unattainable goals will only result in failure, driving you deeper into you depression

[Shifa]

I have depression and I’m spiritually deaf.

Diamond dot paintings are awesome. So are coloring books. Try out a bunch of crafts. There are a lot of awesome pens, pencils, paints, jewelry stuff and on and on. Make something for someone or a companion/DL.
Find something to collect, or a hobby you can immerse yourself in. Lose yourself in a tv show or book series.
Do you have a pet? Get one. Or go visit animals in a shelter.
Load up your playlist and jam out.
Dance.
Get outside and commune with nature.
Watch funny stuff, tell jokes, be a goofball.

Be careful about addictions, including too much gaming, food, or shopping, etc.
I spend too much time alone and wasting my time and money. Don’t buy a bunch of spells and conjures out of desperation or whatever. Pick some simple goals to work on and maybe find some good books to take your time and study.
Find understanding people you can talk to and do things with.
Is it just demons that you like? Maybe find a deity or spiritual race to read up on and connect with.