Encanto

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saelstown
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Hello! I'm Sael, and I hope you're all doing well. Today I really want to share with you my feelings regarding a movie that has become so special to me in such a short amount of time. I hope you enjoy.

So recently I've become obsessed with Disney's Encanto, and that says a lot for me, because I rarely ever become obsessed with movies. I don't really watch movies much, I'm not sure why, I actually grew up watching movies, Disney especially and it was one of my favorite things to do. As I grew older though, I kind of forgot that they're a thing with YouTube content these days often equating movie runtime. So it's safe to say it's been a long time since I sat down to watch a movie, and Encanto especially was not a movie I was particularly interested in.

I heard some things about it, and I had seen some clips, but for some reason none of it drew me in. I didn't think it'd be interesting or really all that good, so I mainly ignored it. But things regarding this movie kept being recommended, so I decided to check out a spoiler free review out of curiosity. This review praised Encanto for its themes regarding not fitting in, generational traumas, perfectionism and as soon as that was said, I knew I had to watch it.

So I sat down one evening with some comfort food and for the first time in a long time, decided to watch a movie on my laptop out of sheer curiosity. By the end of it, I was floored. The themes of this movie and the way they're delivered resonated with me on such a deep level, and especially the character of Mirabel. I didn't think I'd like her, for some reason the first time I saw her in a clip I just didn't like her, but I ended up loving her in the movie. She was so inspirational to me, because despite feeling like she didn't belong in her family, her energetic personality, her compassion and drive to help and be involved never died down. And that... struck a cord with me. I used to be energetic and fiery too a long while ago, in my childhood especially and it was a defining trait. Driven and passionate, and much like Mirabel, unafraid of being who I was, I never feared showing my true personality. In years to come however, I've shunned that true personality more and more, especially with family. I became reserved, quiet, passive and people pleasing, soft spoken... That fire had died down greatly, with little will left of ever reigniting it again.

Nothing is wrong with those traits as they are of course, nor the people who embody them, I actually think it's all quite beautiful but it's not who I am and who I feel happy being. When my true self comes out with my friends, they love that self, and I do too. But around family, it seems to disappear completely.

After watching Encanto, I actually had to visit family for Easter for a few days. We have a whole tradition of getting together and visiting graves of passed loved ones to bring traditional food and drink offerings for them. Something about this movie, after seeing the family dynamics there, especially the way Mirabel never lost herself despite the mistreatment, it stayed with me. As I met with my sister, suddenly that day I wasn't afraid to be me. Did I just fully transform? No, I still have a lot of work to do, I can barely be myself even around just me. But I had never felt so free around her before. I wasn't even trying to be free, or trying to be anything at all. I simply just was without all the pressure, and that was something I hadn't felt around family in a long time.

This sense of freedom and a desire to be honest again led to a beautiful moment with my mom, a conversation in which we were both as honest yet as compassionate as can be, which can be rare due to her temper. She admitted she holds extremely high expectations for me, and that she's afraid they'll crush me. I told her they already have, that I've become a toxic perfectionist who's failing and falling behind because I can't start anything in fear of being imperfect. I told her that she isn't there for me in the way I need her because she tries to reason with her emotions instead of feeling them and tries to get me to do the same, and it's damaging to me. She said it's because she fears her emotions because she becomes irrational when they control her, so she tries controlling them instead. I told her she needs a balance, and to listen to what I have to say in terms of what I need, instead of assuming. She admitted she minimizes my issues and can't understand my feelings regarding them because her life has been so much worse, so from her perspective, it's no big deal. I told her it's a good thing my life hasn't gone in the same direction, and made a comparison to my three year old niece saying her world is her toy cars and teddy bears. If one of them gets lost or broken, she'll be distraught and her heart will be broken. But you don't tell her not to cry over that, you don't tell her it's unimportant because in her world that's all there is and those feelings don't go away because you minimize them. They're valid for her. I said my life hasn't been easy, it has been very hard, but just because it hasn't been on the same level as yours doesn't mean my pain and struggles matter less. For once, she didn't try to argue back or get defensive. I had no idea how to process that conversation at the time, but it meant something incredibly important to me, because it highlighted a lie I've been telling myself.

I have a habit of invalidating myself. I never believe a single thing I say, I keep assuming I'm faking everything. I'm diagnosed with two mental illnesses by a professional psychiatrist, and to this day I keep thinking it's a lie. He only diagnosed me because I made it seem like I had those illnesses, I just manipulated the doctor without realizing. It's untrue, in reality I just told my story from childhood to then, and he concluded that I was mentally ill. He put me on antidepressants, and they worked, so I stopped taking them because I assumed this meant I was never truly ill, when in fact it meant the opposite. I still don't feel comfortable going back in for treatment even though I never completed it, because I keep thinking I'm not truly in need for it.

In Encanto, and slight spoilers ahead here so skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear spoilers, Mirabel has her feelings invalidated as well. She essentially gets gaslit to a degree even. She sees Casita (the family house) cracking and shaking, and when she tells her family, no one believes her. Not even her compassionate and kind mother who is shown supporting her emotionally throughout the film seems to take her claims seriously. Neither does Abuela, the family matriarch who has played a massive role in Mirabel feeling like she's not enough, and that she doesn't have a role in the family she loves so much. Yet, later in the film, we see Abuela express concern while she's alone and thinking no one's listening. She prays to her passed husband to give her an answer, because it turns out she did believe Mirabel that the house had formed cracks but never admits that to her or any other member of the family, instead saying that nothing is wrong, that the magic protecting them is strong. Mirabel gets to hear this being said, and she believes what she saw wholeheartedly so she goes out of her way to try and fix things. I didn't have this luxury in my life, until that aforementioned moment with my mother.

For the first time I realized that my feelings weren't wrong, my mom confirmed everything I had been sensing and feeling. I related so much to people who spoke of being crushed under high expectations, yet I always told myself, subtly, that I don't truly have that problem. My mom doesn't truly hold those expectations of me, I'm just making up an excuse for why I can no longer keep up with them. Yet here she was, completely unprovoked, admitting she does expect a lot from me, way beyond what she expects of my older sister. That even she is afraid she's crushing me. Even more surprising to me was her admitting I was right that she escapes her emotions whenever she can. While focusing on my inner work, I tried to look at her from a different, more compassionate yet analytical standpoint. I tried to use the things I had learned about myself and the way people act when under certain situations, under certain trauma, to see where it's affecting her and how that affects me in turn. When I realized that she tries to reason out of her emotions instead of feeling them and then pushes that onto me, something clicked so strongly in my mind. I was right! I had to have been, it made so much sense. Yet that subtle voice at the back of my mind never failed to speak up and remind me that I've no idea what I'm talking about, I'm making it all up. Yet, I said those words out loud to my mother, and she was stunned for a few seconds, before admitting why she does it. She didn't refute a single thing I said, simply agreed. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't experienced some degree of cognitive dissonance there, having irrefutable proof that I had been right, that my feelings and instincts weren't wrong, that I could think and come to the right conclusions. It shocked me, and it still does. It's not the first time I've had to confront this, but this time it was so vivid, almost palpable.

There is one more thing that makes Encanto a special movie for me, and Mirabel a very special character that I really look up to now. A while before watching this movie, I had asked a certain someone for a certain sign, I asked to see a yellow butterfly. I knew I would never see it ordinarily, I had never seen one outside and especially not out in the concrete city I wouldn't. I knew the sign would be delivered, I didn't know how, but they always find their way to me. Usually, they take a day, sometimes a few to get to me. This time it took way longer. I still didn't stop believing it would find me in time, but I did feel worried, why hadn't I seen it yet? Was something wrong? In Encanto, butterflies hold very important symbolism and are present everywhere from beginning to end. It was halfway through the movie, I had been completely sucked in by this point, when Mirabel pointed out a bright yellow butterfly in a vision. I couldn't believe my eyes. I actually audibly said to myself "no way, that's not it" but it was. It all made sense. A movie I wasn't even going to watch because I didn't think I'd find any interest in it, that I suddenly decided I HAD to watch out of nowhere and there goes my sign that I had asked for so long ago... The yellow butterfly became a very important detail of the story, and near the end, there was a whole group of them shown surrounding Mirabel with her Abuela. I was stun locked, and emotionally overwhelmed. I hadn't seen a single yellow butterfly up until that point, not mentioned, not as an image, not in real life, absolutely nowhere. Not even in a dream. It only showed up there in this movie, and I haven't seen one since either. Every time I watch that scene again, I can't believe it really happened.

I LOVE this movie. Not a single one has held such a special place in my heart before. Those four days with my family were some of the best I've ever had with them, and Encanto, especially Mirabel as a character, played a big role in that. It changed and shifted my outlook of myself, and my family as a whole. Of course the movie has its flaws, but it's a beautiful and moving peace of art and in the end, it illustrates its message beautifully. If you haven't seen it, I really think you should. It may move you same as it did for me.

Thank you for reading and have an amazing day.

With love,

Sael
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