Failure and success

Mind power and mental mastery, a place to develop and expand ones cognitive abilities.
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Zonk01
Posts: 246
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:24 pm
Patron Deities: Leviathan
Your favourite Demon?: Lucifer, Leviathan, Agares
Number of Demon Familiars: 19
Location: USA
Has thanked: 38 times
Been thanked: 55 times

Ughh!!! The feelings of when things don’t work out are so tormenting! I hate failing, but I am super intrigued by it. I find the ways we fail, and how it teaches us, to be very interesting. While we normally talk about our success, I want to change things up a little. Why don’t we share some of our failures? Not in a judging way, but a way where we can come to terms with what happened and get rid of those negative feelings surrounding it, and learn from it.

Sometimes when I read posts on here, I get really jealous. I get jealous because I live in a Christian society, grew up in a Christian home, and have had countless setbacks on my magickal path. I see people’s success, and simply can’t relate to them. I can’t relate to their lives because ours are radically different, and just the thought of being in my own space where I was free to be who I really am seems like a pipe dream. When you’re experiencing setbacks and failures, it’s easy to spin into a vortex of blockage and negativity, especially when you’re reading only the victories of others.

I recently have begun to come back from a vortex like this. For the past few weeks, I’ve had a heavy depression about my future. I have goals I’m trying to succeed in, with little result. The problem is not me, it is others. Im dealing with the mistakes and failures of family members, leaving me stranded and trying to salvage the pieces. I’ve been trying to find another job, but I haven’t been given the tools to succeed in that field by my family. Until My family can sort out transportation issues, I am stuck at home. Not to say it isn’t all my fault, but the majority is the lack of planning and care of my family members. (Physical family, not spiritual)

I’m a very independent person, I do not like to rely on anyone, especially when it comes to something like this. I want to work and sustain myself, I also want to go to college, but both of those things are currently unattainable because I have no way to get there. When I realized this a year ago, I performed spells to get myself out of this situation. I made a spell to help me attain a car, so I could get a job.

I would help an elderly person on my street with chores for money. I did odd jobs and such for anyone in my area that needed it. I hustled my ass off to try and get money. The problem was, I was making nowhere near enough to afford a used car. After a few months, the elderly man asked me who I was working. I told him I needed a car. And he told me he could have his! I was overjoyed until I saw the car.... it was a lemon! This car could not run, had engine problems, and two flat tires. The damn thing wasn’t worth scrap money.

My spell succeeded. Yay. A car that couldn’t run, but a car. I cried harder than I can remember in recent history. Here I was doing everything I could, still at the mercy of others. I felt like a total loser. I have to hide my beliefs from my family, I have to suffer from their beliefs, and I have to suffer from their actions. The cherry on the sundae was that my spells wouldn’t even work right.

This is the stuff we rarely see. The failure that brings success eventually. The failure that almost kills you, leaving you broken and crawling. I’ve had many times like this in my life, especially my magickal life. Times where my shadow books were carelessly discarded by my family, times where I followed practitioners to only be used and harmed, times where I was literally alone with the entire world against me. Despite all these things, I try to crawl my way back to freedom.

Everyone goes through these things, everyone experiences failure, but it hurts to see someone’s success whenever it’s hard to find your own. I’m not an expert on failure, and I don’t possess all the world’s woes. I’m just trying to get a discussion started on failure. Because someone out there is going through something like me, and I want you to know you are not alone. That’s why every success I’ve had, I let NO ONE take from me. I’ll fight to the death to hold on to what I have, and to hold onto my future successes.

Through this I have strengthened my goals, and realized what is obtainable and what is not. Grounding has been the thing keeping me alive, paired with daily shielding and cleansing. But the main goal of this post is to hopefully help you look at your failures in a new way. They can break you, or they can make you. And I’m not going to let mine break me.
“I summon the one with the horns and the fire
as I throw myself right into the dark. I open the doors to the other side,
where everything is so old
I'm leaving this world and I enter the void
where the shadows forever reign.”
- “Where the Shadows Forever Reign” by Dark Funeral
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Heretique
Posts: 963
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:32 pm
Patron Deities: Set, Kali ma, guided heavily by Svengali and Lucifer
Your favourite Demon?: Svengali, Lucifer, Paimon, Azazel, Lucifuge Rofocale, Eurynomous, Namaah, Belial, Lord O
Number of Demon Familiars: 6
Location: Australia
Has thanked: 177 times
Been thanked: 176 times

I'm at a place that I don't ever consider it failure, all they are are learning opportunities to help us grow, this perspective really helped. In order for anyone to get where they are as you've mentioned- all of us make mistakes, so we grow from it. I myself am still in the broom closet with a christian family so to speak - i couldn't talk with anyone about what i did for years, not even to friends. I am desperate to get a new job and leave home but i never seem to stick with a direction - that is also due to depression and past beliefs that I am still holding onto and working through. My first spell was unsuccessful 5 times before i worked out the issue and was successful in a manner. basically it can involve a hell of a lot of practice sometimes before we achieve our desires.

I also spent years facing all my fears and moving through them on and ordeal path, only to be pushed to start doing qliphothic work ( which i have no idea about before i said yes) and its all dragged up again- in a more brutal fashion and its hard going. In all my work though I've found that when you really get down to it being broken completely and absolutely have nothing left- something surfaces from inside you to help you - which really is amazing - anyway i'm veering off topic.
as cliche as it sounds failure can be a blessing sometimes and all we can do is keep going, try to do better keep learning and keep growing - but to do so you have to decide what really drives you, what success and failure is for you- not someone else because it won't be the same. i'm not entirely sure what i'm trying to say here but thanks for the interesting topic
User avatar
Zonk01
Posts: 246
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:24 pm
Patron Deities: Leviathan
Your favourite Demon?: Lucifer, Leviathan, Agares
Number of Demon Familiars: 19
Location: USA
Has thanked: 38 times
Been thanked: 55 times

Heretique wrote:
Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:28 pm
I'm at a place that I don't ever consider it failure, all they are are learning opportunities to help us grow, this perspective really helped. In order for anyone to get where they are as you've mentioned- all of us make mistakes, so we grow from it. I myself am still in the broom closet with a christian family so to speak - i couldn't talk with anyone about what i did for years, not even to friends. I am desperate to get a new job and leave home but i never seem to stick with a direction - that is also due to depression and past beliefs that I am still holding onto and working through. My first spell was unsuccessful 5 times before i worked out the issue and was successful in a manner. basically it can involve a hell of a lot of practice sometimes before we achieve our desires.

I also spent years facing all my fears and moving through them on and ordeal path, only to be pushed to start doing qliphothic work ( which i have no idea about before i said yes) and its all dragged up again- in a more brutal fashion and its hard going. In all my work though I've found that when you really get down to it being broken completely and absolutely have nothing left- something surfaces from inside you to help you - which really is amazing - anyway i'm veering off topic.
as cliche as it sounds failure can be a blessing sometimes and all we can do is keep going, try to do better keep learning and keep growing - but to do so you have to decide what really drives you, what success and failure is for you- not someone else because it won't be the same. i'm not entirely sure what i'm trying to say here but thanks for the interesting topic

Thank you for sharing! I just want a place where we can let it all out, especially for people in our situation, where we are at the mercy of the choices of others. Eventually things will get better, but it is brutal to just be blown every which way by people who don’t fully understand what they are doing. Also if you ever need to vent, hit me up. :crazy:
“I summon the one with the horns and the fire
as I throw myself right into the dark. I open the doors to the other side,
where everything is so old
I'm leaving this world and I enter the void
where the shadows forever reign.”
- “Where the Shadows Forever Reign” by Dark Funeral
User avatar
Heretique
Posts: 963
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:32 pm
Patron Deities: Set, Kali ma, guided heavily by Svengali and Lucifer
Your favourite Demon?: Svengali, Lucifer, Paimon, Azazel, Lucifuge Rofocale, Eurynomous, Namaah, Belial, Lord O
Number of Demon Familiars: 6
Location: Australia
Has thanked: 177 times
Been thanked: 176 times

part of that is personal power claiming and owning it and responsibility for ourselves. For myself I'm never at the "mercy" of others decisions, all decisions involving me and for myself are my responsibility and mine alone. Everyone is only responsible for themselves, even if they don't act like it- this is certainly an unpopular opinion in today's age, but it's useful if you're very sensitive to the energies of others and highly empathic. This is an interesting lesson that I've come through over the years. Anyway thank you for sharing as well. :cuteghost:
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