Venting - Personal Space - Spiritual Path

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laalbieglna
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So do you ever get those spiritual lessons that leave you feeling completely derailed? My partner, who has great wisdom and insight, and also spontaneously channels, tells me this experience was carefully crafted by my gods to divest me of my impatience and frustration, with which they are highly unimpressed.

Back in mid-October I opened my home (against my naturally introverted inclinations) to my best friend's family of four while they moved back out to our area and looked for a place of their own. It was supposed to be for 2 weeks, maybe 3. That was 2 and 1/2 months ago. I had just gone through what felt like a lengthy dry spell of doubt and not feeling like I was really connecting to the gods and spirits after about 18 months of super high activity. I had just begun to feel called to Goetia and working with DLs. I was also near the end of about a year of spiritual practice based on Pagan monasticism (Order of the Horae).

I wouldn't say that this family is on a different spiritual path, so much as they have no structure and no path whatsoever. My friend insisted she's an atheist, though she feels she "has to do something". She is very psychically gifted, but has suppressed her gifts her entire life due to fear (raised in a really rigid version of primarily Black Christian fundamentalism, became an atheistic UU as an adult after some half-hearted Wicca). She gets calls from a specific pantheon, too, but chooses to ignore them, even though she has an altar set up packed away from years ago (???WTF???).

In my home, sleeping across a wall from my ancestor altar, she began having really clear dreams/visions of a divinity or spirit contacting her and being very frustrated with her response, and would have "activity" of spiritual presences (her report) near-nightly, yet told me she was choosing to ignore them because she was afraid, or tired, or "didn't want to deal with it right now", or is "afraid it will work but won't be what I want and am imagining".

So after a close call where they asked to stay indefinitely (in my own 4-person family's home, which is not large, with their school age kids whom they are keeping home from school, not educating, not disciplining, and calling it "child-led homeschooling" -- OMG, a whole different rant), to which I agreed because my boundaries are not always firm and I hate disappointing people I care about, but which my partner saved us from with a definite "no", I feel like they've left and my home and spiritual life are in shambles.

I had a black dog "servitor" patrolling the boundaries, whom I can no longer find. I personally watched part of my selenite grid literally leap off of the front door frame when her husband walked past, with no one touching it. Later that night I clearly heard a small child's voice say "Hi?" super loud by the outside of the front door, asking to be let in. I almost opened it thinking her 3 year old had somehow got herself locked out, before I got the super creepy chills and checked first and no one visible was there, and I locked the door and windows. My kids and cousin were right by the door and didn't hear it.

My grid, wards, and shielding around my entire land is partly down. In fact, during the Dec 31 ritual, at the very end when I was opening my circle, I felt part of it tear down and one of the deities I was working with tack it up but state clearly that it was only a temporary fix.

I am so invested in my home and urban farm and it is usually so well protected -- I have put years of time and enormous amounts of making it so, which is partly why it feels so welcoming and safe to people -- and probably why entitled ones want to stay so often. The difference right now is palpable. I feel like my spiritual practice is in shambles, my garden is in shambles due to the energy diversion of unsupervised, undisciplined small children who were here instead of in school and also due to their physically damaging the place, I feel like everything useful is either lost, inaccessible, or broken, my home needs to by physically cleaned, reordered, and rearranged from top to bottom and psychically and energetically cleaned and re-shielded and warded from back to front. This feels overwhelming and I know there is a huge lesson here, and I just hope I find it as I am setting everything right again, but right now it feels like a million steps back. Was I just shocked out of my complacency? I don't know. I am incredibly grateful right now for what I do have (especially a sense of order and also free, compulsory public education! LOL freaking LOL). I am just coming out of 2 and 1/2 months of no access whatsoever to privacy in my own home, limited ability to farm (my topmost true love) or do my spiritual work, or spend any time with my spouse, or enjoy my children being at school, or clean my house, or have the spiritual presences in my home be respected, or or or...

Anyway, if anyone actually read this feeling-sorry-for-myself to the end, thank you. I am not sure what I am actually looking for here, but my partner suggested I write it all out somewhere where my friend won't ever see it. It is super frustrating and alarming to get too close to someone you care about, sometimes, and see where their behavior doesn't seem to line up with what they say their values and priorities are; also to have someone's response to a huge and inconvenient amount of help and hospitality be requests for ever greater amounts of help until you actually cut them off. Other than that, I've been lurking in this community learning from all of you and having amazing, transformative experiences with the group casts and rituals, even though I haven't had the time or privacy to post or really interact on here.
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Red6joker
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Hopefully getting this off your chest has made you feel somewhat better.

In the end it seems like you (and your spouse but only for support) need to put your foot down with your friend (who doesn't seem like much of a friend if she is letting your place fall to ruin due to her family). You should not worry about letting them down, you have your own family you need to take care of and worry about.
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Amaranth Rose
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Oh man. Have they made any plans to get a home of their own? I agree, you have to put your foot down and explain to your friend your feelings.
If they haven't made any plans, they are basically taking advantage of your hospitality and good will.
Give them a deadline for when to get out by, state your points firmly, and hold your ground. Make offerings to the DLs and your companions and ask them to push things in your favor.
When the family has been there so long, beyond their original plan, it feels like they have become complacent about their search. You can't let them do that since this is YOUR home and family, not theirs. They have overstayed their welcome and it is NOT rude to ask them to leave.
Hope will never die!" -Lucina
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H_Wright
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Oh boy, the overwelcome house guests. It is a curse in some of us. I'm guilty myself. And it is DRAINING!!! You really need your space for your personal life. Your family and farm are your home and they have taken advantage of your generosity. I am generous to a fault, until you have taken advantage of me and then it is over very quickly. I've gone as far as giving written notice, going to court for a legal eviction (yup, they were guest for more than a month), having the papers served, and the evening before handing them resources for homeless shelters and told them the day of eviction the cops will be here automatically and DSS would be brought in. Of course I was left with the dog, which I had legally turned over to animal control and turned over to me as a foster for rescue. Not only do you have to set your boundaries, but you need to enforce them, without guilt. You have poured out your generosity and it is not an never ending cup. Do what you can magickally and spiritually, and do what you have to do mundane. Then you'll need to cleanse the hell out of yourself, your home, your family, your land before you can return the positive energy back into it. It becomes stifling. I've had it here where I couldn't smudge, candles wouldn't stay lit, incense would barely light and go right out. It was the hardest cleansing I ever had to do and it finally got down to the real nitty gritty. I needed to really mean it. I know it sounds like I'm a bitch and tough but my sanity and spiritual life had been threatened and I there is nobody worth giving up myself and family for.
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elena.rose
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H_Wright wrote:Oh boy, the overwelcome house guests. It is a curse in some of us. I'm guilty myself. And it is DRAINING!!! You really need your space for your personal life. Your family and farm are your home and they have taken advantage of your generosity. I am generous to a fault, until you have taken advantage of me and then it is over very quickly. I've gone as far as giving written notice, going to court for a legal eviction (yup, they were guest for more than a month), having the papers served, and the evening before handing them resources for homeless shelters and told them the day of eviction the cops will be here automatically and DSS would be brought in. Of course I was left with the dog, which I had legally turned over to animal control and turned over to me as a foster for rescue. Not only do you have to set your boundaries, but you need to enforce them, without guilt. You have poured out your generosity and it is not an never ending cup. Do what you can magickally and spiritually, and do what you have to do mundane. Then you'll need to cleanse the hell out of yourself, your home, your family, your land before you can return the positive energy back into it. It becomes stifling. I've had it here where I couldn't smudge, candles wouldn't stay lit, incense would barely light and go right out. It was the hardest cleansing I ever had to do and it finally got down to the real nitty gritty. I needed to really mean it. I know it sounds like I'm a bitch and tough but my sanity and spiritual life had been threatened and I there is nobody worth giving up myself and family for.
I agree with H, nobody likes the over welcomed houseguest they truly do take a toll on you especially when they're not trying to help themselves and they give you a sob story about how no one wants to help them and you try to help them better themselves and get them on the right track and they don't even try for themselves they expect you to do everything and live off of you I dont think so, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you , you seem like a really nice person that has a really big heart and I know at times it's hard because we don't want to let others down are disappoint people trust me I know I went through it and it's no fun at all, your home is something that you worked very hard on it's your sanctuary a place your supposed to feel safe at and comfortable in your own skin and do what you like to do and practice as well, you welcomed them into your house and they should respect you and the boundaries you make, you are the Queen of your home and sanctuary protect what's yours :)devil: :grouphug:
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User3246
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Yes it is uncomfortable for guests to overstay their welcome, but it hurts them as much as you! They can feel the frustration building, and it keeps them from standing on their on two feet and making gains on their own plans. It is easier to take if they have a plan and are showing an effort. They should ALSO have a plan to follow if they just cannot get it together in time. No one LIKES to be in a shelter, or get housing assistance, but it may be the only option. People in such places usually make a stronger effort to get out of them than they do if they are in a comfortable FREE place to stay! Even if you are charging rent, it is not always worth it to give up your own plans and peace of mind. I hope it works out.
“If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.” – Jim Rohn

"The Master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried."

Do not rely on ANYTHING, unexamined. If It does not seem to fit, ask about it. If it ultimately degrades or dishonors or holds you back, it is bad for you, so remove it from your life. If it takes from you and never gives back, it is a leech. Discard it. In magick rely only on your own work: What you have seen and done and used for your own self and in your own way. Only keep what in your own estimation is worth keeping. (Hellcat's Rules Of Satanic Magick)"

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laalbieglna
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Red6joker wrote:Hopefully getting this off your chest has made you feel somewhat better.

In the end it seems like you (and your spouse but only for support) need to put your foot down with your friend (who doesn't seem like much of a friend if she is letting your place fall to ruin due to her family). You should not worry about letting them down, you have your own family you need to take care of and worry about.
Thank you, it did and I needed to hear that. I am susceptible to feeling guilty when people try to guilt me, unfortunately. But the longer I process this, the more I realize it was actually messed up, from beginning to end, it isn't me being selfish or inhospitable, and their issues aren't my problem.
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laalbieglna
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 4:06 pm
Patron Deities: Angrboda and Loki
Your favourite Demon?: Goetics
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Amaranthlovecharm wrote:Oh man. Have they made any plans to get a home of their own? I agree, you have to put your foot down and explain to your friend your feelings.
If they haven't made any plans, they are basically taking advantage of your hospitality and good will.
Give them a deadline for when to get out by, state your points firmly, and hold your ground. Make offerings to the DLs and your companions and ask them to push things in your favor.
When the family has been there so long, beyond their original plan, it feels like they have become complacent about their search. You can't let them do that since this is YOUR home and family, not theirs. They have overstayed their welcome and it is NOT rude to ask them to leave.
Thank you! I wasn't clear in my drama-fueled first post. They didn't make any plans to leave -- after three weeks of applying for apartments and being rejected due to terrible credit, they asked to move in here permanently in return for paying the utility bills (my friend started a blog about us being co-habitating families literally the day she asked, so it felt pretty pushy and over the top). My partner put his foot down at that point and told them no, after they'd already started to spend the money they were "saving on rent" ad talking about the house as "ours". I did a rite to Lucifer that night and just did a brief prayer and offering asking him to please light their way to a new place, and they got a 2 bedroom apartment the next day that wasn't even listed as available... and then asked their new landlord to make their move-in date January 1 (this happened just after Thanksgiving). I've been seething for months just trying to survive the situation. After some mishaps and returning for a day they are finally out. I am just venting now because the clean up process -- physical and psychic -- is huge. They left a lot of sludge. Doing the Dec 31 rite to the DLs cleared quite a bit of it out of that room, but it is an uphill climb. I am really susceptible to that kind of energy due to a history of chronic illness and depression, but I am going to stay on task. The repair work feels like it is going to take longer than they were actually here. :saddevil:
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laalbieglna
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H_Wright wrote:Oh boy, the overwelcome house guests. It is a curse in some of us. I'm guilty myself. And it is DRAINING!!! You really need your space for your personal life. Your family and farm are your home and they have taken advantage of your generosity. I am generous to a fault, until you have taken advantage of me and then it is over very quickly. I've gone as far as giving written notice, going to court for a legal eviction (yup, they were guest for more than a month), having the papers served, and the evening before handing them resources for homeless shelters and told them the day of eviction the cops will be here automatically and DSS would be brought in. Of course I was left with the dog, which I had legally turned over to animal control and turned over to me as a foster for rescue. Not only do you have to set your boundaries, but you need to enforce them, without guilt. You have poured out your generosity and it is not an never ending cup. Do what you can magickally and spiritually, and do what you have to do mundane. Then you'll need to cleanse the hell out of yourself, your home, your family, your land before you can return the positive energy back into it. It becomes stifling. I've had it here where I couldn't smudge, candles wouldn't stay lit, incense would barely light and go right out. It was the hardest cleansing I ever had to do and it finally got down to the real nitty gritty. I needed to really mean it. I know it sounds like I'm a bitch and tough but my sanity and spiritual life had been threatened and I there is nobody worth giving up myself and family for.
OMG, thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Not having guilt for defending my home and family, even from "friends", might be a big part of the lesson I'm having to learn. I've had this happen before with tenants and roommates, but this is the first time in years it's been with a "best friend", and I did not allow myself to see it coming, and so didn't prepare for it or set appropriate boundaries. You hit a huge chord with "cleansing the hell out of myself and my family" that is absolutely what I need to do, I've been so distracted by the physical part of cleaning up our home and by home shocked and angry I am about their parenting style and influence on my own kids that I haven't even smudged us down yet.
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laalbieglna
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[quote
I agree with H, nobody likes the over welcomed houseguest they truly do take a toll on you especially when they're not trying to help themselves and they give you a sob story about how no one wants to help them and you try to help them better themselves and get them on the right track and they don't even try for themselves they expect you to do everything and live off of you I dont think so, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you , you seem like a really nice person that has a really big heart and I know at times it's hard because we don't want to let others down are disappoint people trust me I know I went through it and it's no fun at all, your home is something that you worked very hard on it's your sanctuary a place your supposed to feel safe at and comfortable in your own skin and do what you like to do and practice as well, you welcomed them into your house and they should respect you and the boundaries you make, you are the Queen of your home and sanctuary protect what's yours :)devil: :grouphug:[/quote]

*nods* you are absolutely right. I feel like I just got rid of two teenagers and their younger siblings, not two grown adults who are parents. I took them at their word and did everything I could -- and kept taking them at their word until they got their car repossessed, drained their savings and were literally just spending all day wandering around here in their pajamas. I even talked to a priestess briefly at the beginning, about wondering if this was my calling to get outside of my comfort zone and be radically generous, and she was like, yeah, nope, generosity is great, but you need to hold your boundaries to have peace in your home. So I feel like a jackass but hopefully will listen to my skeptical side and avoid these situations in the future. No friend truly believes that the solution to their discomfort is to have you contract your life to make extra space for them so they don't have to try so hard to be grown adults. They spent 10 months before this with their family of 4 sleeping on an air mattress in her parents' den, and left because their family was "toxic". I should have known then what I was getting into.
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