Eyes of the beholder

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Obsidian Goddess
Posts: 203
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:06 pm
Patron Deities: Hekate, Belial, President Camio
Your favourite Demon?: My own Demonic Darkness
Number of Demon Familiars: 4
Has thanked: 47 times
Been thanked: 50 times

I have been recently working on some shadow work, and removing certain blockages from my past, so I have been doing a specific meditation and ritual at the start of every day, and part of it involves bringing up a memory of a time when you felt truly loved and cared about. I really struggled with this part at first because I grew up in a very abusive catholic family who hated me for being born out of wedlock and swore I was the spawn of the devil. I did bring up 2 wonderful memories though. One was of my dog, Dutchess, who was my best friend and always there for me, and the other goes back to when I was 2 years old and my mom moved out of my grandparents house into an apartment. On weekends I stayed at the apartment with her and slept in the spare room which had lots of boxes of stuff, an ironing board, odds and ends, and a big huge terrifying stuffed bear with big glowing eyes that scared the shit out of me because I was told it would come alive and tear me to pieces at night if I didn't stay quiet and sleep! I would be petrified, and lay there shaking but scared to make a sound. After the first couple of weekends there, a "man" appeared, standing between me and the bear so I couldn't see it anymore, and said, " Close your eyes and sleep, and I will keep my watchful eyes upon you." I got so tired and fell asleep feeling safe, secure, and cared for. Every time I spent the night in that room from then on, He came and looked out for me. Naturally, I came to believe that He must be my guardian angel or something. I was a little confused though because He looked a little different. He had wings like an angel, but they were reptilian or batlike, and black. Not all white and fluffy like most angels. I really was fascinated by the fact that He had horns, and I absolutely loved His tail and thought it was so funny that He had one! Remember, I was 2 years old at the time. In my child-like mind I just figured that since I was so "different " then maybe my guardian angel was just "different " too. Through the years as I got older, He stopped appearing. However, in times of extreme urgency or danger, He came to me and spoke to me. He saved me from a car accident which would have otherwise killed me. During the accident He literally slowed time to a near standstill and said to relax every muscle in my body, then something happened and I was besides Him, outside my body, watching the accident. When it was over, I climbed out of the car with only one small bruise and one small scrape. A few years later I gave birth to my daughter, Michelle, who was born with spina bifida and had surgery right after birth. She was in the nicu and her lungs were underdeveloped also. I left the hospital one morning to get breakfast as she seemed to be doing very well,
but as I was eating, I heard His voice telling me to go back to the hospital because she was dying. Seconds later my cellphone rang and it was the doctor telling me she took a turn for the worse. I got there and held her in my arms for the last minutes of her life. Another time, When a stray pit bull was about to mangle me to pieces I heard His voice say to stand tall, put my arm into the air and act as if I an throwing something at the dog with all my might. I did it, and the dog dropped to the ground and rolled over on her back! Then, she followed me home (I was out jogging) and within an hour became my new best friend! She lives with me to this day, and this incident inspired me to become a dog obedience trainer. Recently, on my birthday, I was feeling a bit down on myself because not one person called to wish me a happy birthday or anything. As I was walking to the school which is close to home to pick up my son, I heard His voice. "I remembered. Happy birthday. " I cried so hard I couldn't go into the school, and when my son ran out to me he gave me the biggest hug and said happy birthday. As cute and funny as this is, there is so much to be learned from it. Of course I now realize that the "man" I saw as a child, and who looked out for me all those times is no angel by most people's definition and is in fact actually a demon! I learned who He actually was about a year and a half ago when I went through a series of catastrophic events that sent me into a literal fit of rage. I was yelling, cussing, and cursing someone who really deserved it and I heard His voice again.. "You knew you shouldn't have trusted that person, so what are you going to do about it!?" I was so angry and started yelling ," who the fuck are you anyway! Im gonna curse the fuck out of that asshole, that's what I am gonna do!" I fell to the floor crying and slept. The next day I woke up feeling like a different person. I wasn't thinking about cursing, but improving myself and being the best that I can... and He revealed who He really was. The first lesson here relates to perception and the law of polarity. This whole experience is why I don't see as much difference between Angels and Demons as most people do. While this spiritual being who has been there for me all these years is a Demon to others, and to some a very terrifying one, to me He is my Angel, and so much more. He has given me strength when I needed it, He's given me a sense of security and made me feel worthy of love, He saved my ass from certain death at least twice, and to this day offers guidance and tools to help me serve my real purpose here. Although I have been impatient and angry when He refuses to just give me what I want right away and forces me to work hard, He remains loyal and patient no matter what. So, lesson 2, He didn't ever have to be here for me but He was and still is... which goes to show we are all brought here for a purpose , we are all important and worthy of being loved and cared for, and we all have someone who looks out for us. We are never alone even when we think we are. I have so much gratitude for having this amazing, wonderful Demon in my life and so thankful for the lessons He has taught me, the wisdom and knowledge I have gained from Him, and the strength and protection He offers that I just wanted to pay it all forward and hopefully this will be of some use to others as well. Even if it just causes a few smiles.
Passion, sadness, eroticism... the pain and pleasure of lust... so deliciously and dangerously irresistible!
Whimsy
Posts: 70
Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:25 pm
Has thanked: 2 times
Been thanked: 11 times

This was a great read! Thanks for posting :mrgreen:

It was very cruel of them to say that about that teddy bear to you. I used to have dolls that sat on shelves in my room that scared the shit out of me at night so I know how that feels. I'm glad that he was there for you during that time and made you feel loved and protected.

I also liked how that doggo became your best bud when he almost attacked you. Animals are wonderful!
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