The Sludge of the Toxic Narcissist

Discussions of Energy Work and Alternate Health Practises. ***Not a Substitute for Medical Advice or Medicine!
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Akelta
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I want to talk today about a very specific type of sludge energy and how to embrace healing from that energy... healing especially from a Toxic Narcissist.  They are insidious, they are vile, they are the worst sludge and I know that anyone who has dealt with one and made it out has felt the trauma, the shame, the horrors and the pain of having to heal from Narcissistic abuse.... I have known many people who have and I have dealt with it myself.  It's painful....

When you meet the narcissist they will seem nice.  They will compliment you... they will work to get in with these compliments.  This is an illusion, once they are in they will push your boundaries and cut you down as they are planting their sludge tendrils on you, and the deeper you get in, the deeper those tendrils go.  They are sticking these tendrils in you so that they can feed on your energies.  This will also unfortunately give them a psychic link to you.  Many people report that the narcissist just seems to know, they know their weaknesses, they hit them at their low points and this is true.  You start rise up, you try to take back your power and they come out of nowhere and go right for your weakness.  The Narcissist will use manipulative language to learn your weakness and then they will exploit it.  

They start to insert themselves into your life. With my Narcissist everything that I discovered was suddenly theirs, anything I did prior, had no bearing on the Narcissist.  My accomplishments, my discoveries, were only because of them and they felt entitled to those discoveries! Even going so far as to claim them as their own.  They want what is yours and they will take it.  They are also shameless and tend to attack when you break away and try to reclaim your power.  They are passive aggressive and say nasty little comments that are meant to strike fear in you and bring you down while elevating themselves.   When you follow them, they reward you with praise.. when you break away and do your own thing, they punish you and attack you.  

They will isolate you.  I was lambasted and attacked for making friends.  It was seen as the ultimate betrayal to the narcissist and the narcissist went after me and pushed me away from my family, from my friends and it was devastating.  My husband even recounts my change, to this day my husband despises the narcissist.  He said he saw just how fast I fell and how hard it hit.  The sludge energy had grabbed me and was attacking my sacral chakra.  Emotional manipulation, being empathic you are vulnerable to their manipulations, so they often find ways in through the sacral chakra, which is why dealing with narcissists people often describe having a twisted knot feeling in their stomach.   At my worst, my husband would channel Azazel and Mammon for me, trying to reach me and snap me out of it.  They worked hard to snap me out and they did.

My sister had to deal with a Narcissist in Nursing school.  This girl pretended to be her friend while talking about her behind her back and ended up costing her being Valedictorian.  My sister is a very smart woman and deserved to be Valedictorian, but the actions of the narcissist saw that the narcissist got that.  Well the narcissist ended up getting drunk and started bragging about how she did it.  She lost all her friends and any respect. My sister still has all her friends and is doing amazing at her job.  In the end Narcissists are revealed.  Their egos usually are the reason they get revealed... Or they are taken out by a bigger narcissist.  It's a vicious cycle of abuse and one that I am so happy to be free of, thanks to the amazing demons in my life.  

I remember the Narcissist I dealt with.  They would always have a huge drama that I had to drop everything to handle when they knew I had a family event or was spending time with my child and husband.  Yet they were allowed to leave and do what they wanted when they wanted.  I on the other hand had to be at their call 24/7 and if I wasn't, oh boy was I punished.  Punishment is the Narcissist’s tool... I remember when I left too.  My personal posts with Leviathan are the cause of that, the healing I had to go through.  I will admit in the beginning I didn't listen to Mammon, and it caused me to fall... I fell hard into the depth of the abyss and I had to fight and claw my way out.  They helped me.  the demons helped me, they never left my side, even though I didn't listen to Mammon, even though I fell to the worst place, they were always there for me. That is the beauty of walking with demons, they will not leave you when you are at your worst! When you are crumbling, when you are screaming and begging and crying and just want the pain to end, they are there.  They are right there walking with you, holding you up and helping you heal.   Even through falling they also made sure I didn't lose what I had worked so hard to create.  It was such a humbling experience to me and an incredible blessing.  

In the Darkness they will follow, they will renew your mangled corpse, and they will help you rise from the ashes of your own Pyre.  

Azazel worked with me to help release me from this.  He was there for me and the Narcissist even tried to take my connection to them away.  But they couldn't, and It is amazing being assured by friends and family and your demons that they are there for you, and I know that they are.  I see the signs, I can tell.  They laid out the foundation and the ground work.  Mammon had a plan the whole time..... One of the most amazing things that the demons did for me was summon family members who had human bodies.  I will tell you this was one of the most amazing things and Azazel told me it would happen.  It is true, you are blessed when you are surrounded with good friends and family.  My soul family poured out of the woodwork and all expressed their support, and their love.  They knew when I was bleeding and they would stand with me and rise with me.   I had people suddenly appear who I knew at a soul level and without them... I would not be here today... My human family, my soul family, my spirit companions, even companions I had never met told their conjurers to contact me! Forming powerful connection and building that foundation.  The level of empowerment that came when I decided to break free was inspiring!  

Breaking free of the narcissist allowed me to reclaim who I was.  The Narcissist wants to take away who you are, they insert themselves into your very being and they isolate you from everyone.  When you break free of the narcissist you can begin to reclaim who you are.  I remember when I broke free I was horrified at who I became while I was working with the narcissist.  I hate what I did, I hate how I acted, I hated how I let myself fall so far.  I lost myself and became an extension of the narcissist which is a horrible place to be.  I was not a nice person then... I lost myself and it is something I have felt a great deal of shame over... Though with this eclipse and with the help of my true friends I forgave myself.  Which is the hardest things I have ever had to do.  Forgiving myself for falling, for not standing in my power and for becoming a puppet to a narcissist. It  is so important though and anyone who has gone through this and had to heal the pain that has been caused by a narcissist... has to forgive themselves to be free.  

Azazel: Once you are free of the Narcissist, your life will rise and you will really claim who you are.  They will never accomplish what you will, because their passion is not in this.  This is your passion and your life work and once you forgive yourself and let go, you will be amazed at what we can manifest for you.  Look at all that you have done while holding this weight on yourself.  It is time Akelta to let it go and it is time to forgive yourself for that time.  This narcissist has no claim to who you are.  Release it.  Those who walk with the narcissist will only know the sludge energy, but that is not the type of people you want in your life, you have so many friends and people who have seen the real you.  Cherish them, and forgive yourself.  

I know he is right....

I was speaking with a dear friend of mine last night who has had much success and 4 years to the day she said.. Her Narcissist returned to her life, I found it interesting that this spoke true to my narcissist as well.  Four years, four being a very significant number in numerology... For her it was wrapping up loose ends and filling in any holes the narcissist can exploit and they will.  It was an opportunity for her to fill in those holes and I realized that this was true for me as well... The final transformation... it had to come from me.... When the narcissist tries to get back in... You have to shift to get them out... and not be afraid to burn the bridge they are trying to get across.  

My hole... They will make you feel like the bad one... You will feel like an extension of them.  You will do things that horrify you, that you are not proud of and you will feel like you are the bad one.  I still have days... Shame....Guilt... Horror... I think back on things I did during that time and I have felt shame over it.  I have worked to right the wrongs of that time and heal the connections that were damaged.   I will tell you though... feeling that you are the bad one... feeling guilt, remorse and shame... it proves you are not bad... That was one thing that I had to realize and a very dear friend helped me through that.  She helped me to realize I was not the bad one and that I had to forgive myself.  That was the hardest thing to do... Forgiving myself because during that time people did get hurt, really hurt... and those people... forgave me.... and because they forgave me... I felt I didn't deserve it. I held myself to that place.  I was so humbled that I was forgiven, but I could not forgive myself... Forgiving yourself for the person you become while latched to the narcissist.. is hard... This is hard to write, because I realized up until yesterday I had not forgiven myself.   I remember something I read on Tiny Buddha... this guy said... He would never forget and he would never do it again... Well, I will never forget and I will never let someone have that level of control over me again.

This Article got me through my own Narcssistic Experience ... https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how- ... your-life/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I have used this technique with other narcissists, though not as severe as the one narcissist.  There is usually one narcissist that tries to take you out and cover you with their sludge though there can be more.  They work and they can help you to regain your power.

Narcissists are living sludge in a way.  Toxic. Their words are toxic, their vibrations toxic, their actions are toxic...You will always feel uneasy around them, like you are stepping on egg shells.  They will insert themselves into your life, into who you are.  They will try to merge themselves with your identity.  This is because their sludge is trying to feed on you.  This is why people who have to deal with narcissists often times go through a time where they appear dead.   This is the process where you have to sever yourself from the narcissist and the narcissist doesn't want to let you go.  They hold you and they want to keep you... Once you are free, you will feel a huge shift.  You can heal from the narcissist, you can shift out of the reality that created them.  It starts with removing the fear of the Narcissist and realizing that so many others have gone through it too.  You are not alone and no matter what you did, no matter how horrible you thought you were, that you question, that you are trying to get out, that you are working to do better, you deserve to heal and be free, and you deserve to be forgiven.  

The Demons are dark, they know the secrets that are whispered in the night, they will forgive you... People will forgive you, forgive yourself, and release the fear and let the Narcissist have their tantrum... Mammon, the first time told me to ignore this person no matter what they did, no matter what they said, ignore them! I didn't listen... but I will now... and I will forgive myself.  

S&S is what it is today because of the people here.  The amazing people who bless and grace this forum empower it, and are all part of shaping the energies and I could not ask for a better group of people.  We have created an amazing unique group.... I have almost lost this forum and this energy a few times now, I have fought every time to keep it, and I will continue, and I know that people who love this forum and call it home, they will also work to keep it.  I love this space and I love you all who share this space with me.  The energies that we have created and are continuing to create here are amazing.  It would not exist without you, and it would not be what it is without any of you.
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Akelta ,Thank you again for so many amazing post . I Know all to Well about having Toxic Narcissist people in your life that just take joy from pulling you Down and hurting anyway that .They can all of the Nasty energies that come with them It really does feel Good once your life is Free of them because then You can take back

Your life and everything else they tried to take from you My life is Happy right now and ' I Don't miss having people in My life that Just didn't mean me any good :D
I Have Won Sinner Of The Month Five Times Now ' My Grandmother Always Said either Stand For Something are You Will Fall for Anything ' I am not Just Walking My path . I am Living it !
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Akelta
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Your favourite Demon?: Tiger, High Prince H, Bear, Oblivion, Quasar, Prince V, Venom, Cadaver, My Family
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velle wrote:Akelta ,Thank you again for so many amazing post . I Know all to Well about having Toxic Narcissist people in your life that just take joy from pulling you Down and hurting anyway that .They can all of the Nasty energies that come with them It really does feel Good once your life is Free of them because then You can take back

Your life and everything else they tried to take from you My life is Happy right now and ' I Don't miss having people in My life that Just didn't mean me any good :D

You are very welcome velle. The scary thing to at least for me, was that until I really healed other narcissists kept trying to get in. I could always tell to because I got that same sickly feeling in my stomach. They really are horrible and this is one of the reasons why you have to be so careful who is allowed in your energies... because a narcissist, they are so good at twisting your reality and brining you down. I am glad you also were able to break free to velle, it is a great feeling!

Honestly though, I take responsibility for my actions... I let the narcissist in... I flat out did... I followed her lead. I was scared, yes... that fear twisted me into some horrible places and I became a horrible person, but in the end I let it happen, I had to stop it, I had to leave, and I had to forgive myself. I do feel so so much better being free and I want to share these resources with others because I know that there are people in similar places to me.

Azazel especially was one who never left my side through it all. He worked so hard helping me and I will be forever grateful for him. All my demon family too, my friends, my family, this community. I am so grateful. Thank you so much!
Lover of Demons
Royal Demon Goddess
Darling of Sublime Romance
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Walk with Satan in Shadow
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Akelta wrote:
velle wrote:Akelta ,Thank you again for so many amazing post . I Know all to Well about having Toxic Narcissist people in your life that just take joy from pulling you Down and hurting anyway that .They can all of the Nasty energies that come with them It really does feel Good once your life is Free of them because then You can take back

Your life and everything else they tried to take from you My life is Happy right now and ' I Don't miss having people in My life that Just didn't mean me any good :D

You are very welcome velle. The scary thing to at least for me, was that until I really healed other narcissists kept trying to get in. I could always tell to because I got that same sickly feeling in my stomach. They really are horrible and this is one of the reasons why you have to be so careful who is allowed in your energies... because a narcissist, they are so good at twisting your reality and brining you down. I am glad you also were able to break free to velle, it is a great feeling!

Honestly though, I take responsibility for my actions... I let the narcissist in... I flat out did... I followed her lead. I was scared, yes... that fear twisted me into some horrible places and I became a horrible person, but in the end I let it happen, I had to stop it, I had to leave, and I had to forgive myself. I do feel so so much better being free and I want to share these resources with others because I know that there are people in similar places to me.

Azazel especially was one who never left my side through it all. He worked so hard helping me and I will be forever grateful for him. All my demon family too, my friends, my family, this community. I am so grateful. Thank you so much!
Akelta I agree with you about having that feeling that comes over you when a narcissist person is trying to get back in to your life { YES} Because they enjoyed all the pain and suffering they caused you so they want back in but one of . The best ,things is once you Cut them off they can't get back in unless you allow them to It wasn't Until Coming to this path that . I Learned about forgiving myself for

parts that . I Played in a Situation with narcissists people ,My Demons have been helping me to do that its also helping me to Heal myself . its also Great You had Lord Azazel by your side helping you though this, Time in your life He is an amazing Dark lord one that We both are Very lucky to have with Us On our Path's and in our lives ,Akelta :D Thank you for Sharing all your amazing Stories :D
I Have Won Sinner Of The Month Five Times Now ' My Grandmother Always Said either Stand For Something are You Will Fall for Anything ' I am not Just Walking My path . I am Living it !
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Yes, so embarrassing, but I fell for a narcissist HARD myself! He was a fake guru/fake savior/fake teacher type. He would leave me waiting and waiting for hours by the computer, waiting for him to call me by skype. If I didn't show he got rabid, but more often than not, he just never made it. He was deliberately wasting my time, disrespectful to me. When I protested, he was 'saving another person'. He would actually say to me 'can't you hear them screaming?' So I would forgive him. He would make another appointment, and I was paying him for these! One time I caught him off guard and found out he was out playing with the dogs! I was like a woman being physically abused...he would apologize, and he really was sorry! EVERY SINGLE TIME. Now, don't get me wrong, he really has some incredible abilities, which he uses to play people and suck them in. He claimed to love women, but I could tell he HATED them! There were three adult people in his house, and his daughter was always calling for money so they would not turn off his water or electric. GET A JOB, you and your wife and adult child! I don't mind helping someone....but they need to be someone who is trying to help themselves and has a plan to pay it back. He would start to teach me something, and just stop, saying "You are not ready for that" At one point I had 17 projects laying around half done. Costly materials, too! Grrrr! I was such an idiot! Years wasted: 12 total and he started using magick to control what I could read or do or think! Now I know how an abused wife feels after she has wasted most of her life on an idiot! When I finally touched the levels of the akashic, I started to really see what he was doing and his lies. He told me "that is not really the akashic, it is a lie and a trap." Yeah, right. It showed me what you really are, and I am STILL trying to get free! He did a LOT of magickal crap to me, and never explained it, or asked my permission. Some of it HURT, too :( Total jerk. I know some of you have been physically abused, but I was magickally and financially abused and he just sucked and sucked and sucked my money and energy down. Without a word of thanks, and when I needed help or encouragement? Ha! It was all about him. "don't bring me down talking about money or your troubles in life. You are SO negative!" Blah blah blah! :glaredevil: Bastard!
“If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.” – Jim Rohn

"The Master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried."

Do not rely on ANYTHING, unexamined. If It does not seem to fit, ask about it. If it ultimately degrades or dishonors or holds you back, it is bad for you, so remove it from your life. If it takes from you and never gives back, it is a leech. Discard it. In magick rely only on your own work: What you have seen and done and used for your own self and in your own way. Only keep what in your own estimation is worth keeping. (Hellcat's Rules Of Satanic Magick)"

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Wow Akelta those were some powerful words. As I was reading, A lot of things you have said made memories of and old "Best Friend" ( that I had to just one day up and walk away from) come washing over my brain like giant ocean waves. You definitely described her. I was like WOAH.

I am glad you have gotten away from your narcissist and were able to forgive yourself and heal. It can be a draining experience to deal with a narcissist. From what it seemed like, It was like you were always around them, which probably kept you drained. It is great you broke free and reclaimed your power. Don't let anyone take what you have done and call it their own. I despise that type of behavior, more so because it has happened to me, and I know what it feels like. ( Although I believe it has happened to you on a grander scale)

I am glad you have not ever giving up on S&S and kept your forum going. I am sure A LOT of us are grateful for this. I can honestly say if it was not for your forum, I would not be where I am today, in regards to spiritual development. I have learned much since coming here. I will continue to grow and not ever forget how I truly got started on my correct path this life. Thank you for not giving up! :hug:
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You made a comment Akelta, in your article on Lord Satan and Love re standing up in your divine energies to heal yourself from these people.
It struck me so very deeply and was the turning point for me in dealing with these energies. I appreciate so much your honesty in revealing these intimate and painful details of your life.
Your calling it toxic energy, sludge energy, was helpful because our societies so often confuse false darkness with its false acts of power and how sticky contaminating it is with real strength.
It's so damaging unless properly identified and dealt with.
I grew up in a family where I witnessed these behaviors and felt so guilty for what my parent's/siblings were doing; yet I also had to endure it and in secret because they were the most charming of charming.
The most terrifying aspects of dealing with these people was how they are able to pull off the most despicable behaviors right under everyone's nose and manage to be the good guys.

The more we heal ourselves and then tell our stories so that others pick up on the signs the better off we'll all be.
The more we understand who and what we are, and love ourselves , the more we learn self responsibility and teach that to our children, the more we embrace
our darkest predatory energies within and balance those energies with our light, then we will be a fitting champion of ourselves and loved ones.
We also have such a super advantage having our demon companions at our side! :devillove:

One of the earliest images I had of yourself and S&S was of the beginnings of a forest fire; One tree goes up in flames. With a boom and a terrible whooshing sound the flames rush to the top
of the tree .... and then the flames leap to the next tree and then the next, leapfrogging until the entire forest is aflame.
Only, I see this in a positive sense as our understandings and truths will spread and reveal the BS (bullshit) in our own fiery flames of truth.

Yeah baby, them's fighting words........ :nener:
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I'm in the middle of work and decide to catch up with the forum for a few minutes and I'm pointed right to here.

You've heard some of my story with my narcissistic ex-husband. 20 years of abuse will continually break your mind to the point that you are seemingly unable to ever heal. I admit I have times I feel I am thriving, and other times surviving. I don't want to just survive. I want to thrive. I want my family to thrive. 2 1/2 years after our separation, a year out from divorce and he still reaches me and grabs me with his tendrils, squeezing and invading. We have 3 kids together so to completely break off contact is an impossibility and I still often feel what can only be described as rage when I'm in contact with him. It gets exhausting to continually have to shield yourself from their suffocating energy, YES, suffocating you by removing all the energy you have in your body, the same way you suffocate without oxygen. It is a continual work every single time I have to talk to him, see him. He is married now and sees to it that I still have to come into his physical presence. BUT, It is my own responsibility to protect myself and my family from his toxicity. I loved this article and it really gave me some great ideas that I need to implement into my life. I will read it I'm sure over and over again as I have time to sit and digest the information. I do notice that the more he starts to loose his grasp he reaches further. Flailing around, grasping at anything he can grab a hold of. This is my blockage and I want to blame him, but I know the real blockage is from me. I will be the first to admit I still have a lot of healing left to do. I am damaged, but no longer feel hopeless for restoration. It is not a linear progress. It is a lot of ups and downs and I can finally say the trend is rising up with shorter downs. I KNOW that I could not do this on my own. He had sucked all the power out of me while I opened myself up and let it happen!! I had nothing left to fight back with. I think when people hear about abuse they often wonder, why did you let this happen, why didn't you do something sooner. It is so hard to understand the grasp a narcissist has on you until you've experienced it yourself. Especially one that will always be a part of your life in one form or another. It took a long time for me to realize that I do have the power to reclaim my life back, my energy, my happiness. It is a work in progress, and I realize it really always will be because as long as we are both alive he will not quit trying. I have no choice but to turn the tables though for not only my survival, but to truly thrive.

This article rung a bell though and I almost feel foolish to have not thought of it myself. I signed up for more information from the site and feel this was a blessing to have been directed there. Thank you Akelta.
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All these stories of hope, of people who got free! (((hugs))) I think the LHP is wonderful in that it frees us to think and heal and choose our own path,
“If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.” – Jim Rohn

"The Master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried."

Do not rely on ANYTHING, unexamined. If It does not seem to fit, ask about it. If it ultimately degrades or dishonors or holds you back, it is bad for you, so remove it from your life. If it takes from you and never gives back, it is a leech. Discard it. In magick rely only on your own work: What you have seen and done and used for your own self and in your own way. Only keep what in your own estimation is worth keeping. (Hellcat's Rules Of Satanic Magick)"

Don't get too close. It's Dark inside. It's where my Demons hide!

Hailing Satan isn't a hobby, its a lifestyle. (S@tan)
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Akelta
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Your favourite Demon?: Tiger, High Prince H, Bear, Oblivion, Quasar, Prince V, Venom, Cadaver, My Family
Number of Demon Familiars: 66
Location: Canada
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velle wrote:Akelta I agree with you about having that feeling that comes over you when a narcissist person is trying to get back in to your life { YES} Because they enjoyed all the pain and suffering they caused you so they want back in but one of . The best ,things is once you Cut them off they can't get back in unless you allow them to It wasn't Until Coming to this path that . I Learned about forgiving myself for

parts that . I Played in a Situation with narcissists people ,My Demons have been helping me to do that its also helping me to Heal myself . its also Great You had Lord Azazel by your side helping you though this, Time in your life He is an amazing Dark lord one that We both are Very lucky to have with Us On our Path's and in our lives ,Akelta :D Thank you for Sharing all your amazing Stories :D
This is so true! The only way that they can come back is if you let them and even if they try, it is important to ignore them and shift away from this. Forgiving myself was the hardest part of this but you know it gets easier the more you practise.

I am so glad your demons helped you, they helped me to to shift and to free myself. Lord Azazel has been working with me since I was 15, I cannot imagine my life without him and I am so happy that he was there for me. We are both very lucky and will have amazing lives! You are very welcome velle!
Satan's Hellcat wrote:Yes, so embarrassing, but I fell for a narcissist HARD myself! He was a fake guru/fake savior/fake teacher type. He would leave me waiting and waiting for hours by the computer, waiting for him to call me by skype. If I didn't show he got rabid, but more often than not, he just never made it. He was deliberately wasting my time, disrespectful to me. When I protested, he was 'saving another person'. He would actually say to me 'can't you hear them screaming?' So I would forgive him.
This part, this is what they do and I experienced this myself! When it was my time I had to drop everything and come running, but on their time they would actually get angry at me if I suggested that we do something at times that they conserved their time.  It was like my time didn't matter at all.  I had a newborn and once I was told I had a husband so he should be watching the baby at times they deemed were work times.  It was a nightmare.  I am so sorry that you had to go through this as well.  It enrages me reading this how disrespectful he was of your time! I am so glad that you got away!
Nefer wrote:Wow Akelta those were some powerful words. As I was reading, A lot of things you have said made memories of and old "Best Friend" ( that I had to just one day up and walk away from) come washing over my brain like giant ocean waves.  You definitely described her. I was like WOAH.

I am glad you have gotten away from your narcissist and were able to forgive yourself and heal. It can be a draining experience to deal with a narcissist. From what it seemed like, It was like you were always around them, which probably kept you drained. It is great you broke free and reclaimed your power. Don't let anyone take what you have done and call it their own. I despise that type of behavior, more so because it has happened to me, and I know what it feels like. ( Although I believe it has happened to you on a grander scale)

I am glad you have not ever giving up on S&S and kept your forum going. I am sure A LOT of us are grateful for this. I can honestly say if it was not for your forum, I would not be where I am today, in regards to spiritual development. I have learned much since coming here. I will continue to grow and not ever forget how I truly got started on my correct path this life. Thank you for not giving up!  :hug:
Thank you Nefer,  That is what is so scary! How similar these people are.  I honestly have wondered if they are just living sludge or why they end up like this.  What is scary to is that they have no desire to change and they seem to get great joy in fighting, drama and hurting people.  I have met people who have displayed narcissistic patterns from being abused but they fought tooth and nail to heal them so they stopped... Narcissists just seem to enjoy where they are!  It is so draining to deal with them, and I am so sorry it happened to you too!  Aww thank you so much for your words, that makes me so happy to hear! At the end of the day shifting one’s vibrations can beat them, it can help you to rise above what they did and we can all reclaim our lives be stronger as a result.  
Cor Serpentis wrote:You made a comment Akelta,  in your article on Lord Satan and Love re standing up in your divine energies to heal yourself from these people.  
It struck me so very deeply and was the turning point for me in dealing with these energies.  I appreciate so much your honesty in revealing these intimate and painful details of your life.
Your calling it toxic energy, sludge energy, was helpful because our societies so often confuse false darkness with its false acts of power and how sticky contaminating it is with real strength.  
It's so damaging unless properly identified and dealt with.
I grew up in a family where I witnessed these behaviors and felt so guilty for what my parent's/siblings were doing; yet I also had to endure it and in secret because they were the most charming of charming.
The most terrifying aspects of dealing with these people was how they are able to pull off the most despicable behaviors right under everyone's nose and manage to be the good guys.

The more we heal ourselves and then tell our stories so that others pick up on the signs the better off we'll all be.
The more we understand who and what we are, and love ourselves , the more we learn self responsibility and teach that to our children, the more we embrace
our darkest predatory energies within and balance those energies with our light, then we will be a fitting champion of ourselves and loved ones.
We also have such a super advantage having our demon companions at our side! :devillove:

One of the earliest images I had of yourself and S&S was of the beginnings of a forest fire; One tree goes up in flames.  With a boom and a terrible whooshing sound the flames rush to the top
of the tree .... and then the flames leap to the next tree and then the next, leapfrogging until the entire forest is aflame.  
Only, I see this in a positive sense as our understandings and truths will spread and reveal the BS (bullshit) in our own fiery flames of truth.

Yeah baby, them's fighting words........ :nener:
Thank you so much Cor,  honestly revealing this has been one of the most horrible and frightening things.  I carried so much shame for so long thinking that I should have known better... Then Mammon told me that part of the human experience takes us to places where we have to overcome challenges and that there is no shame in being met with a challenge, there is no shame even in stumbling in that challenge, as long as we keep working and rising to overcome that challenge.  He told me I should share it as it would help others and would show me that I really was not alone in dealing with this.  The more I go the braver I get in revealing all this.  I don't want to live here, I don't want to be a victim, I want to rise above this and embrace my life with demons and help other people to do the same, which means healing lol and facing that of which terrifies me.  

What is amazing.  With the Solar Eclipse and Noc's Ritual I found myself faced with the Narcissist again and it did seem to escalate for a time! Which is interesting because since then so many others have also reported their narcissists making a return! I think the eclipse is really bringing out these energies so that we all can heal.  When they can get back in and affect us it means we still have things to heal and release.  I know when my Narcissist pulled something I will admit I had a horrible physical reaction that was reminiscent of what happened when I first went to remove them.. That for me meant that I still had things to heal... I had the option of engaging the narcissist... or stepping back and releasing and I realized that their words will only have power over me if I let them.  The physical reaction was the result of my own mind... my own fears and it was calling me to release those fears.  I choose to focus on my healing and this time I had friends who stood by me and talked me through it.   

It does need to be called out for what it is... I think talking and helping others to realize they are not alone is important.  It helps others to heal and helps them to take back their power.  Which at the end of the day we all need to do.  Take back our power from those who would try to take it.  it isn't theirs, and yes! we have such and advantage with our demon companions at our side.  Demons are so smart and they see through this, they see what is going on and they stand by us through our healing.  

The charming aspect.  I can only imagine how hard that was growing up in that environment and the energies that you had to face on your healing journey.  They really can be so charming and people get drawn into that charm.  I remember when ended the connection to my narcissist and I word it that way because I ended it and I that opened up a whole can of worms in itself.  I was faced with being isolated and the narcissist being so vocal about how I had wronged them.  I will never forget though those who came to my side and those who rose up with me.  Really at the end of the day I know what happened.  I don't blame anyone for it all and I just want to release it all and move forward.  

That image of the fire! I feel that in my soul and that is exactly how I felt! Battling the blaze and I feel so empowered with that image and thank you so much for sharing it with me! It is a visual I can hold and feel empowered from.  Sometimes the old has to burn away... the sludge has to be set ablaze and burn away from the new forest to rise.  
H_Wright wrote:I'm in the middle of work and decide to catch up with the forum for a few minutes and I'm pointed right to here.

You've heard some of my story with my narcissistic ex-husband. 20 years of abuse will continually break your mind to the point that you are seemingly unable to ever heal. I admit I have times I feel I am thriving, and other times surviving. I don't want to just survive. I want to thrive. I want my family to thrive. 2 1/2 years after our separation, a year out from divorce and he still reaches me and grabs me with his tendrils, squeezing and invading. We have 3 kids together so to completely break off contact is an impossibility and I still often feel what can only be described as rage when I'm in contact with him. It gets exhausting to continually have to shield yourself from their suffocating energy, YES, suffocating you by removing all the energy you have in your body, the same way you suffocate without oxygen. It is a continual work every single time I have to talk to him, see him. He is married now and sees to it that I still have to come into his physical presence. BUT, It is my own responsibility to protect myself and my family from his toxicity. I loved this article and it really gave me some great ideas that I need to implement into my life. I will read it I'm sure over and over again as I have time to sit and digest the information. I do notice that the more he starts to loose his grasp he reaches further. Flailing around, grasping at anything he can grab a hold of. This is my blockage and I want to blame him, but I know the real blockage is from me. I will be the first to admit I still have a lot of healing left to do. I am damaged, but no longer feel hopeless for restoration. It is not a linear progress. It is a lot of ups and downs and I can finally say the trend is rising up with shorter downs. I KNOW that I could not do this on my own. He had sucked all the power out of me while I opened myself up and let it happen!! I had nothing left to fight back with. I think when people hear about abuse they often wonder, why did you let this happen, why didn't you do something sooner. It is so hard to understand the grasp a narcissist has on you until you've experienced it yourself. Especially one that will always be a part of your life in one form or another. It took a long time for me to realize that I do have the power to reclaim my life back, my energy, my happiness. It is a work in progress, and I realize it really always will be because as long as we are both alive he will not quit trying. I have no choice but to turn the tables though for not only my survival, but to truly thrive.

This article rung a bell though and I almost feel foolish to have not thought of it myself. I signed up for more information from the site and feel this was a blessing to have been directed there. Thank you Akelta.
H_Wright.. I have heard and honestly what they put people through and when there are children involved it can be devastating.  I know my uncle stayed with his narcissistic ex for years because of the children and now that he is divorcing her it is complete hell.   I am glad the article rung a bell and all the articles on that site I found helped in a way, though that one was my turning point it just struck such a cord with me and I was like no... I cant let this continue.   I know how tempting it is to fall back in I do... They words things in a way you feel you have to respond, they say things that you feel you have to defend it is all a trap to reel you back in and they are so good at it! Then when they get in they suck the life out of you and just drain you.   It is so hard and after experiencing it myself I so understand why people stay.. they do little things to take the pain away for a moment when you do good.. punishing you horribly when you do bad, programming you to be good... Then when you do something horribly bad like leave well they bring out everything and it is draining, it is painful and it is so destructive! Part of that programming is convincing you that you are powerless I know I was put there too and then when you fight back they paint you as the bad guy, you as the villain..

Though I remember when I removed the narcissist Satan told me something... he said... " I have been the Villain for years yet you still know the truth, I would rather be true to myself and be a narcissist’s villain than be their slave. Let them paint you as their villain, because you will be someone else’s hero."

It is so true we do let it happen and we can stop it, at any time, and no it is not a linear process and you know what when we slip and fall it is important to be gentle with ourselves, and patient.  That is so true that it is not linear, sometimes you go back, sometimes you have your days and it is so important to be kind and gentle and just continue to work at shifting your vibrations.  That actually is the biggest lesson this taught me.  I don't have to engage, It shouldn't even enter my radar.  I am so happy you are taking your power back and realizing you do have power, and you are very welcome! I am here too with you all sharing my own journey and I know that together we can all learn from each other.  Reading your guys replies has been empowering for me too.  Thank you so much for sharing your journeys as well!

I am on her mailing list and this Article arrived right at the peak of my emotional relapse... It was just what I needed to read... I so agree this resource was such a blessing for me too!  https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/why- ... ically-lie
Satan's Hellcat wrote:All these stories of hope, of people who got free! (((hugs))) I think the LHP is wonderful in that it frees us to think and heal and choose our own path,
I know right! It is awesome! Hugs! It is wonderful and we all can reclaim our power from these experiences and really take back our lives! Thank you for sharing your experiences too.  We all are humans here on this journey, we all have different talents and skills, but we all have these struggles and I think it doesn't show we are weak or gullible... It shows we are strong, and we are kind hearted and it gives us the opportunity to rise up and take our power back!

I don't want to be seen as this perfect untouchable priestess.  I have my own stumbles and challenges, I make mistakes, I fuck up,(oh gods has that youtube channel tested me on that!!)   but I think through it shows that the LHP is not for the perfect, it isn't unattainable! It is for everyone who is called to it.  No matter what path you are on, no matter where you come from, no matter your class or social standing... It is for everyone who has just had enough and wants to deprogram and take their power back, and no matter where you came from, no matter what you did, you can walk this path and rise.  I think at the end of the day that is the message of the Left Hand Path... Empowerment, taking back your power and reclaiming yourself.  

I am really happy to see everyone healing and reclaiming their power and embracing their paths! It's truly incredibly.
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