Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

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Patron Deities: Paimon, Asmoday, Leviathan, Azazel, Amducius
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I will start this by stating - I am NOT a godspouse. This article is actually in response to something I read in a casual forum mostly dedicated to helping beginners who are almost entirely monotheistic navigate the world of buying metaphysical items and solutions.

One of the services I discovered being sold was a ritual done by a practitioner other than the purchaser, which would essentially marry the client to an immortal/deity of their choice. Though I am not a godspouse, I know several people who are, and I feel that a frank discussion about the pros and cons of Godspousery is important, especially given the treatment that Spouses experience in the wider pagan community.

I understand that it is not a generally accepted practice. Most pagans do not believe in divine marriage, or if they do, they do not approve of it. That doesn't mean that if you're not a pagan, you get a pass on treating something so sacred so cavalierly.

So. Let's discuss terminology to start off with, shall we?
Marriage: 1. the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman). 2. a combination or mixture of two or more elements.
Wikipedia defines marriage as:
"a socially or ritually recognized union between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between the spouses married to each other, between the spouses and any resulting biological or adopted children of theirs, and between spouses and their affinity (in-laws and other family through marriage). The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged or sanctioned. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity. When defined broadly, marriage is considered a cultural universal."
In other words, Marriage is a Social Contract.

So what is Hieros Gamos? Well, it's literally Spiritual Marriage.
Hieros gamos or Hierogamy (Greek ἱερὸς γάμος, ἱερογαμία "holy marriage") is a sexual ritual that plays out a marriage between a god and a goddess, especially when enacted in a symbolic ritual where human participants represent the deities.
The notion of hieros gamos does not presuppose actual performance in ritual, but is also used in purely symbolic or mythological context, notably in alchemy and hence in Jungian psychology.
And what about the word Hermaphrodite?
Hermaphroditus, the two-sexed child of Aphrodite and Hermes (Venus and Mercury) had long been a symbol of androgyny or effeminacy, and was portrayed in Greco-Roman art as a female figure with male genitals.
Theophrastus's account also suggests a link between Hermaphroditus and the institution of marriage. The reference to the fourth day of the month is telling: this is the luckiest day to have a wedding. Hermaphroditus's association with marriage seems to have been that, by embodying both masculine and feminine qualities, he symbolized the coming together of men and women in sacred union. Another factor linking Hermaphroditus to weddings was his parents' role in protecting and blessing brides.
Hermaphroditus's name is derived from those of his parents Hermes and Aphrodite. All three of these gods figure largely among erotic and fertility figures, and all possess distinctly sexual overtones. Sometimes, Hermaphroditus is referred to as Aphroditus. The phallic god Priapus was the son of Hermes by some accounts and the youthful god of desire Eros of Ares and Aphrodite.
OK. Now that you have the basic definitions, let's talk details.

First of all, you need to understand that Godspousery is a pact, a contract, with a divine immortal, and no one should make such promises lightly. Case in point - the reason I'm writing this article in the first place: the person discussing their purchase of a marriage to their chosen divinity was not prepared for the fallout that occurred when they didn't behave as a husband ought to behave towards a goddess.

Divine Marriage, the formal commitment to a deity to have a relationship with that deity that is as deeply intimate as a couple's relationship would be, is not a new concept. As you've seen by the definitions, it's at least as old as ancient Greco-Roman culture, and probably quite a bit older. There is mention in the bible of Solomon's marriage to God, and the famous Persion poet Rumi was also married to God. Several well-known Catholic saints are acknowledged Godspouses. Krishna married 16,000 wives. Even to this day in western culture, women marry their god, wear wedding rings, and seclude their bodies from human men for the rest of their lives - though we don't talk about it, because most people think Catholic nuns are a little odd in our modern world.

Marriages to divine beings can be sexual marriages or chaste marriages. There are people who have both a human husband or wife, and a divine one, and there are people who feel they are required to be monogamous with their God. There can be plural marriages - it is possible (though probably not recommended) to be married to more than one deity. Gods also don't seem to be particular about the sex or sexual orientation of their human spouses, despite the mythological evidence of their specific sexuality and relationships with other deities of their pantheon. These marriages can be for a set length of time, or they can be for the life of the human involved.

The deity who is part of the marriage is usually the one that proposes the union. This is generally because they wish to formalize a relationship with their chosen priest or priestess - and while being a Spouse is NOT the same as being a Priest/ess, it has a lot of the same requirements for dedication, time, energy and resources.

It is VERY important, when entering into such a pact, that you know your Intended's mythos, and that you also are aware of Their expectations about your conduct. Negotiation is very important - you need to know what you are required to give, and you need to say what you are WILLING to give. You also need to express what you wish to receive, beyond the spiritual benefits of a union with a divine expression of archetypal power. When you enter into a contract with a deity, whether it is one of godspouse, patronage, or even a simple bargain for a one-time need, it is important to remember that you are not a slave, not a servant. You are requesting or responding to a request for partnership - it's not meant to be one-sided, so it's vital that you be willing to express your needs being met as a part of the contract. If your experience DOES end up being one-sided, understand that your deity is giving you an object lesson on the consequences of not speaking up for yourself.

Why would a deity wish to enter into a contract with a human being? Well, it's simple - Gods have no physicality. They are capable of seeing the whole of potentiality laid out, and yet, without you, they cannot act as they see fit to mold the world into a better image. You have one power that they do not, nor will ever have. YOU ARE THEIR HANDS. Do not forget how vital you are, and that you have power that they need - the power to act in the physical world.

A Sacred Marriage ALWAYS has rules attached - this is a contract, remember - and the deity will wish for specific behaviors attached to the title of Spouse. Some of these demands could be considered quite harsh - and there are consequences for breaking your word in a contract. Here are some possible questions you will need to have answered - every contract, every relationship is different, but I offer these generalities as a starting point. Are there specific times you are required to contact them and make yourself available? If there are requirements for set times of contact, what happens if you are ill, or if some life circumstance requires you to be away from your god? Is there a requirement for either spiritual or physical distance from others? Can you marry or have sex with other humans? Are there dress requirements? (Seriously, I know some Wives who are asked to cover their hair for their Gods - this is an important question to ask.) Are you required to make a pilgrimage to Their sacred sites? Are you required to live a certain way, or in a certain place? Are you required to take a vow of silence? When you contact them or they contact you, what types of jobs might you be required to do for them and for yourself? What will you receive in return for this work? What will the deity share with you, teach you, as you move forward in your relationship with them? What will the consequences of failing to meet your obligations in this relationship be?

Marriage with a deity, like marriage with a physical partner, is an agreement to go on a journey with each other, to share experiences, to act for the benefit of each other. If you decide to marry an immortal, whether it is for a set period of time, or for life, remember that you are agreeing to the journey, and to the sharing and blending. You are agreeing to becoming One with a God/dess - They the head, and you the hands. This is a sacred honor, and an important one. Do not take it lightly.

Step gloriously down the path, loves, in beautiful light and shadows.
-Raven
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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Patron Deities: Paimon, Asmoday, Leviathan, Azazel, Amducius
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About marriages to non-divine spirits and/or entities (answering a question on the original thread) -

I would say that, again, two factors should be of primary concern -

1) The issue of consent. Both parties must wish to consent to the marriage. If a spirit or entity tells you they're your mate, and begins to act in this way without your consent, well, I've seen that cause a lot of trouble - misunderstanding being the least of the concerns. If you decide they are your mate, and begin to act in this way without their consent, that causes its own problems. So... consent is vital - and consent is predicated on an ability to truly exchange ideas through accurate communication.

2) Any marriage is a contractual pact with another or multiple others. Whether you are marrying a spirit, an entity, or an immortal, clarification of the expectations for both parties within the marriage is vital to a happy relationship. Among the points that must be addressed - How long will the marriage last, what is the marriage for (what does each party expect to receive from it), what behaviors are acceptable for each party (specifically, are they permitted relationships, sexual or otherwise, outside the marriage; are they allowed to work with other spirits, entities, and immortals; are their specific times for contact required, or specific behaviors required during periods of contact such as offerings, dress, specific methods of contact, etc.; and what are the consequences should you fail in your vows to this being?

As with all marriage, the alchemical concept of a union of two into one must be considered here. If you are wishing to marry a spirit or entity, or if you are already married to one, consider the alchemical nature of your relationship with them. How much blending, merging, sharing of your life are you actually participating in? Are you treating your marriage to your spirit or entity with the proper gravity, or is it just a fling for you?

I see a lot of people in the Keeper community who at first flush are so excited by the idea of spirits that their behavior is almost like that of... I dunno, starstruck fans? They tend to get a bit hysterical, they get emotionally high on the idea. Some of them approach their spirits (most of which are not considered sexual with humans and are probably quite shocked at our willingness to... *ahem* anything that will stand still long enough) as a personal harem.

There is this idea that marriage and love are equal, that love and lust are equal, that loneliness and other material world problems can be solved by either spiritual marriage, or at least lust with spirits. I have not found this to be so.

My personal experiences, and my observations of others over the years, has lead me to believe one thing. Spirits and entities can expand your knowledge of yourself. They can help you grow as a person, which allows you to better solve your earthly problems. There are times when they can serendipitously manipulate circumstances in small ways, but above all, you are the one driving the bus.

A marriage to a spirit or entity can help you deepen your understanding of the metaphysical world and your place in it, and can help you deepen your relationship with yourself. It is an alchemy, a sharing. When you are blending with another being, you are growing, you are changing.

I have experienced temporary marriages to two entities - one a Tuatha de Danann, and one an Incubus. Both marriages had interesting side effects on my energy, because they were true blendings. Both were also instrumental in my spiritual growth as a person, and as a magician. The relationship with the Incubus actually pushed me into my own alchemical journey out of negredo, through the five elemental realms and a merging with each element, into an eventual confrontation with both my shadow and my superego and a coagulation of all these disparate elements of my psyche. Without that Incubus, the journey might never have started, and if it did, would have taken a much greater period of my life and energy.

The marriage to the Tuatha de Danann, unfortunately, came at a time when I was truly not ready, and it was dissolved fairly quickly, because I did not have time to devote to the marriage, or to our spiritual experience together. It is one of my greater regrets on this journey.

-Raven
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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Patron Deities: Paimon, Asmoday, Leviathan, Azazel, Amducius
Your favourite Demon?: Paimon
Number of Demon Familiars: 12
Location: Southeastern Missouri
Has thanked: 156 times
Been thanked: 301 times

Got told to bump this.

To the Spouse to Be, good luck. :devillove:
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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Heretique
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Your favourite Demon?: Svengali, Lucifer, Paimon, Azazel, Lucifuge Rofocale, Eurynomous, Namaah, Belial, Lord O
Number of Demon Familiars: 6
Location: Australia
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Just wondering your thoughts on consorts? and if they fall under the same idea? thanks
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User1265455
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Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2012 1:28 pm
Patron Deities: Paimon, Asmoday, Leviathan, Azazel, Amducius
Your favourite Demon?: Paimon
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Location: Southeastern Missouri
Has thanked: 156 times
Been thanked: 301 times

Heretique wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:02 pm
Just wondering your thoughts on consorts? and if they fall under the same idea? thanks
Consort is another name for wife - the difference being who holds the ruling power in the relationship. Wife/Husband = Equal. Consort = wife/husband but with no governing authority.

Kings and Queens had consorts - the current queen of England's husband is her consort, not a king himself.
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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Heretique
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Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:32 pm
Patron Deities: Set, Kali ma, guided heavily by Svengali and Lucifer
Your favourite Demon?: Svengali, Lucifer, Paimon, Azazel, Lucifuge Rofocale, Eurynomous, Namaah, Belial, Lord O
Number of Demon Familiars: 6
Location: Australia
Has thanked: 177 times
Been thanked: 176 times

okay thankyou so much! that helps a lot and explains it in this context
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Patron Deities: Paimon, Asmoday, Leviathan, Azazel, Amducius
Your favourite Demon?: Paimon
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Location: Southeastern Missouri
Has thanked: 156 times
Been thanked: 301 times

Heretique wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:40 pm
okay thankyou so much! that helps a lot and explains it in this context
Not a problem! :)
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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Oflight Lokebrenna
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Sooooooo ah where to start!

Um, well...

I've been a Spouse for 6 years now, and I was offered Priest and accepted. In my own relationship, the responsibility of Spouse is greater than Priest.

He's the one that proposed and I honestly thought I was going insane. Like... why tf would a God want to Marry ME??? But, it's actually not so uncommon... at least, not if you spend 10 minutes on tumblr.

In my practice, We've merged, in Our relationship We are One. I am Him, and He is Me, Us. And yes capitals matter to me. :P Honor, yuh!

We've merged to the point that if anyone were to try to read me/my energy, they'd have a bit of a time finding what is uniquely my own vs what is Us. Those who also work with Him have it a bit easier to get through.


Nycto I remember once you were doing a reading for me and I either sent you a photo or we were video chatting, and you had to yell at Him to SCRAM because you couldn't even see my face, it was His. :lol:


Anyways, the merging. Energetically, we were already very similar before the Marriage, but over the past few years We've blended more and more into each other, and it's not one sided as in I am becoming Him, it is also that He is becoming Me. I take what He gives, and He takes what I give. It's a constant exchange and merge and blending that just continues to bring Us closer and closer and closer... to be One. Of course I am still myself, and He is Himself, we are still our own individual beings with our own signatures, but we are also One. It's.. ah, I don't know if I can explain it any better than that.

Being a Godspouse means you get a Mark. It's a signal to others 'yo this human is special to this deity'. Like an energetic ring or whatever, but with a little more weight. This Mark let's others know, that if you mess with them, you also mess with their Spouse. My Mark is inside my heart, it's the core of my being essentially.

I also get a Title. I'm Little One. I'm not sure if getting a title is Spouse or Priest specific...

Being a Spouse has allowed me greater access in the spiritual world, however, it does not make me invincible.

In being Spouse AND Priest, I represent Him. I am His voice in the physical world, His hands. And in the spiritual world, what I do can affect Him. It is my responsibility to behave in a way that represents Him. Considering He's a Trickster chaos deity, though, I'd say I'd have to be trying preeeettty fucking hard to misrepresent Him. As well as, as I said, we are so energetically in tuned, I don't believe I could behave against Him as We are of the same energetic mind.

I feel like I'm portraying this as if I don't have free will.. and that is not at all the case. Our merge is completely consensual, and it's been me who has initiated the process.

He may be the 'official' god in the relationship, but I hold the upper hand in our power dynamic.

I would like to elaborate more on Our merge, but I'm not too sure where to start so.. I'm just gonna type and hope it works.

So, by being Priest, I am His hands in the physical realm. I am not just His hands, though, I am everything. My hair, my feet, my legs, my back, my nails, my teeth, my ass, everything, is His to experience and utilize through me, of me. In exchange, I have access to His body as fully in the astral/spiritual realms.

He is not just an external force, He is also an internal force. I experience Him just as fully as an outside body as I do as an in-body. As if I am layered. If I touch my skin, I can feel mine and His at the same time. However, this isn't constant, but I can experience whenever I/We please.

Now, this isn't possession. He isn't taking control of my body while I lose it. This is Us allowing each other full access to each others bodies together simultaneously. Or, maybe this is a form of possession that I simply have never seen a name for... Hm. I don't know, I wouldn't call this possession, as this is a 2 way process, not 1.

This all seem so... WOW! factor and glamorous and stuff. It ain't. Well it is, but it also isn't. You try pooping in peace when you've achieved this stage of merge. My hands are His, and I can't even take a shit in peace. Yes, it works in reverse, too. Marriage sure takes the magick out of love sometimes, but hey I guess if you can poop together and after still be like "damn I wanna get my hands on You" maybe it isn't so bad.


The biggest trigger in our relationship was Him helping me love myself.

I remember very clearly, He told me "You cannot love a God if you cannot love yourself."

I said deities choose those who resonate with Them. This encompasses lifestyle, sexuality, gender, career, hobbies, the works. You have things in common is my point.

I hated myself. Like, um, I know I can take 20 ibuprofen and be fine type of hated myself. That's all I should say.

When my relationship with Him began, I only loved in myself what I thought was the same in Him, while still hating other parts of myself. The parts I hated, I thought He would, too. I thought... How could He love those parts of me? How could anyone...And it turned out... those were the parts He loved most, and when I didn't love these parts of myself I was missing in loving parts of Him. I might mention, these parts concerned my sexuality and gender. He helped me love and accept myself. In loving myself, I love Him in His full, and He loves me in my full.

Learning to love myself was like... the final spark needed to fully ignite everything.

I love me. I love Him. he loves me It's a lot of love okay.

And now I'm out of steam and not sure what else to type so...

uhhhhhhhh


Toodles~
I'm here and I'm QUEER!!!
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User1265455
Posts: 1045
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2012 1:28 pm
Patron Deities: Paimon, Asmoday, Leviathan, Azazel, Amducius
Your favourite Demon?: Paimon
Number of Demon Familiars: 12
Location: Southeastern Missouri
Has thanked: 156 times
Been thanked: 301 times

Thank you so much, Bren...

That was truly beautiful, and I know it will help others who are experiencing spiritual marriage of any type, not just with a god.

The whole point of this thread, honestly, is to help people dealing with this to feel more ok with it, less overwhelmed. "Ok, I'm not the only one, this is a real thing!" But I had issues because I'm NOT spiritually married, with going deeper into what people actually experience, and how to move forward in these types of relationships, so I deeply appreciate, and know that others will too, you writing this out for us all.

Much love to my Grandfather's husband. :devillove:
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
User avatar
Heretique
Posts: 963
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:32 pm
Patron Deities: Set, Kali ma, guided heavily by Svengali and Lucifer
Your favourite Demon?: Svengali, Lucifer, Paimon, Azazel, Lucifuge Rofocale, Eurynomous, Namaah, Belial, Lord O
Number of Demon Familiars: 6
Location: Australia
Has thanked: 177 times
Been thanked: 176 times

thankyou so much for that Oflight Lokebrenna, that is really wonderful to read about your expereinces, I'm still in a bit of the "i can't believe you would want me?!!" stage but its great to see someone else has experience something similar to this so thankyou so much for sharing its really helpful.
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