Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

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Heretique
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Thanks for this great post. I’d also like to add that each individuals relationship to their Spouse can be unique. Not all of us will be called to serve as the God’s hands in such a relationship and in some areas it may even be considered hubris. But that is rather unusual I feel. Sometimes Spouses are not “ benevolent” towards humans either, they can even have relatively little focus on “aiding“ humanity as a whole. So the reasons and what the relationship involves can be quite different, but again it depends in the individual and God involved. For me personally this is the case right now anyway, and I have tried asking about this but He refuses me, as our focus is elsewhere. That said, within the intertwining of our energies He is certainly able to affect greater influence here, if He so chooses.
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User1265455
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Heretique wrote:
Tue Oct 06, 2020 8:04 am
Thanks for this great post. I’d also like to add that each individuals relationship to their Spouse can be unique. Not all of us will be called to serve as the God’s hands in such a relationship and in some areas it may even be considered hubris. But that is rather unusual I feel. Sometimes Spouses are not “ benevolent” towards humans either, they can even have relatively little focus on “aiding“ humanity as a whole. So the reasons and what the relationship involves can be quite different, but again it depends in the individual and God involved. For me personally this is the case right now anyway, and I have tried asking about this but He refuses me, as our focus is elsewhere. That said, within the intertwining of our energies He is certainly able to affect greater influence here, if He so chooses.
Mmm... I don't think I suggested any benevolence, or that gods take spouces to help humanity in any way. Because each relationship is SO unique, so deeply personal, I didn't feel that I should make such blanket statements. When I talk about being a God's hands, what I mean is that human spouses radiate that energy because of the blending. Where they walk, their god's energy walks. That's how they're the hands of gods. The human spouse can choose to actively use that energy just as much as their spouse can choose to use that connection to do the same... but whether either of them are choosing to use that blending actively, a godspouse ALWAYS radiates that blended energy... it's a passive thing, but it's there.

It's why more sensitive people can look at someone and immediately recognise, if they're familiar with it, "That's a godspouse."
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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Obsidian Goddess
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Mama Raven wrote:
Mon Oct 05, 2020 5:05 pm
In my last post about this topic, I discussed the historical precedents for godspousery, as well as some of the important considerations necessary prior to forming such a bond.

But… how exactly does this WORK? You’ve been proposed to. You’ve accepted. You’ve probably had some form of ceremony, or intend one. You have probably been required to wear some kind of symbol of that bond – a tattoo, a new piercing, a specific type of jewelry – pendant, cuff, piercing stud… something meant to be permanent as a ring for a human marriage. Maybe it’s even a ring.

But what NOW? What does this mean, and how do you go about being a spouse?

First, I want to discuss levels of devotional practice, so we’re on the same page here. Definitions will be helpful only if we share them. You don’t have to agree with mine – these are JUST so you understand me as I go, and I don’t require you to agree outside of this article.

The first level, to me, is an awareness. Someone who’s a participant in a pantheon, but not necessarily devoted to any specific deity of that pantheon. These people tend to work with different deities for different things. For example, someone working with the Greek pantheon might invoke Hermes if they’re about to go on a journey, or if by sea, Poseidon, and make an offering to these deities. Someone getting married would of course invite Hera to their wedding.

The next level up is what in demonolatry we term mentorship. What this means is that you work with a specific god for a specific purpose, probably for a length of focused time. If you’re a business person, whether you’re starting a business, or you want to grow the business you have, you will probably choose Mammon as your mentor. He will teach you a lot of what you will need beyond what you learn in business school – about how money actually works and how people work in relation to money.

After that is patronage. While in this modern era we use the words patron or matron, originally the words were patron and patroness. I personally prefer the patroness over matron, because matron means married woman, sometimes married woman who is a mother. Patron does NOT mean married man, or even father. What it means is provider… which is what a patron or patroness DOES. Traditionally, a patron would take up an artist or scholar, or someone with something unique. They’d support this person, protect them, finance them, provide them a home and supplies. This person would do a lot of work for their patron. They were free to take other projects from other people, and even for cash payments, but if their patron asked for something, their other projects went on hold. The patron came first. This relationship is what a spiritual patronage is also supposed to be. Your patron comes first in your pantheon, and in exchange, you receive knowledge, support, and protection. In demonolatry, we often choose our patron based on astrology or elemental associations – sometimes we choose a patron who represents something we lack. Sometimes we choose a patron because their work coincides with our own. Whatever the reason, you only have one patron, and the bond is life-long. They become the head of your personal pantheon, and they will serve you, and you them, for the rest of your current life.

Next we come to priesthood. Priest/esses may represent a specific god, or may represent the pantheon as a whole. Their job is to nurture the people, provide ritual and counsel, and maintain the structure of the society they work with and for. While you might have private rituals with your pantheon, daily rituals… generally for public needs, you go to a priest/ess. Marriages, births, deaths, coming-of-ages, dedications, initiations, and paths of study are all services a priest will offer. Sometimes, a person who has a patron may end up being a priest of that patron, if the pantheon’s priesthood is more focused on the entire pantheon, rather than one like the Greek or Roman systems which had specific mysteries associated with specific deities. In demonolatry, priests and priestesses are functionaries who represent the entire pantheon, so someone under patronage may find themselves taking up priesthood aspects in working with their patron.

Then, there are Godspouses. Godspouses may also be priests, and may also have patrons – and it’s not necessary to have the same patron and spouse. The function of a godspouse is simple. You merge energies with your god, your spouse, and then you as a couple radiate that energy into the world. You literally become a merged being – you are their hands in this world, and everything you do becomes an act of devotion. Your body, your energy, all that you are becomes a temple to them. Self-care becomes an act of devotion. Caring for others in line with your patron’s essence becomes an act of devotion. Your every step through life becomes divine, because you are them, and they are you. Godspousery is the marriage of essences for the purpose of bringing that divine essence into the manifested world.

Finally, there are avatars. Avatars are literally a piece of the god, born into the world. The god may take their entire self into the body, or may only give a part of themselves, to be reclaimed after that body’s life has ended, but avatars ARE the gods, walking the earth… the god made flesh.

These are my definitions, and again, you do not have to agree, but it’s helpful to have these definitions as context here.

So, now you have some context, let’s talk about how actual godspousery works.

Let’s start with the question that’s probably foremost in your mind. Is there sex, and is monogamy required?

Sex is, in the west, pretty much the only method of merging energies that people can actually understand – so with MOST practitioners in the west, there will probably be a sexual aspect to godspousery. If you perceive sex as the only way to mingle energies, you are closed off to other options, and so sex becomes a part of the marriage. Because godspousery is very much about the mingling and merging of energies, and other cultures are very much aware of multiple methods of doing that, sex isn’t NECESSARY. However, the second problem that the western mind has with sex is that for some, it’s the only method they have of perceiving love and devotion, or giving it. We are very touch-starved in the west, and with a spiritual partner, that becomes more of a problem than ever… and when the only way you know how to express love is through sexual touch, of course your marriage with your god will end up being sexual. Will the sexual aspect last, if there is one? Perhaps, and perhaps not. It really depends on you, and your personal growth throughout the marriage – but sex isn’t necessary. It’s also not necessary to give up.

Monogamy is tricky. You may decide that monogamy is what you want, or your god may require it. Your god may not, but will probably want to have a say in your relationships. Your body is their temple – they will want to choose with you whose energies get to mingle with their own, and that’s understandable. If you are already in a committed relationship of ANY kind, the god may choose not to object… or there might be some shakeups. I know of one godspouse who had a spiritual companion and also a human lover. The spirit companion has now been adopted into another household, and the human lover has moved on to other pastures. I also know a godspouse who married after being in a wedded human relationship for over ten years, and retains that human marriage as well as their divine one – however, that person’s spiritual lovers have taken a step back. Whatever the choices made, understand that those choices should be made TOGETHER. Your god gets to have a say in it, because any energies you mingle in your own body will be mingled with Their energies… but your god doesn’t get to cut you off completely from the things you need as a human being. Men who don’t have sex end up with enlarged prostates and eventually may get cancer. Women who don’t have enough sex end up with bladder control problems and also other hormonal problems. Humans who don’t get enough touch go crazy – and no, I’m not overstating that. Children wither, and adults go crazy. Humans NEED touch.

So. Those are covered. What’s next? You’ve figured out whether you’re going to be monogamous, or poly. You’ve understood the need for clear communication if you take other lovers. You’ve recognized what sex means in this type of situation..

What about mingling and merging WITHOUT sex? That is a process that takes time, and your spouse will have to be the one to guide you, but it amounts to a type of tantric merging. There are practices you can do – sitting with your spouse’s energies and working to merge those energies and auras, merging chakras with theirs, inviting temporary possession states, working to raise your own vibrations to their level to make all of this easier… taking on marks that allow a better flow between you both… But most importantly, beyond this spiritual aspect, you will need to learn how to think of yourself as their divine hands. There’s an aspect of mindfulness to this, but it goes further than just being in the moment. It becomes an awareness that every step you take leaves flowers in your wake – every word you speak becomes the words of your god. Work to become conscious of this fact.

Such mergings take a long time. It’s not ceremony, ring, “I do,” merge. It’s a lifelong process, and it’s at times going to be deeply intimate. There are things you will not want to share, that are personal and private… and there are things you will not want to share but are REQUIRED TO ANYWAY because they are part of you being Their hands. There are times when your god will ask you to do things that change large portions of your life. I’ve known spouses who had to change their diet in significant ways. I’ve known spouses who have had to practice silence. I’ve known spouses who were asked to practice veiling. I’ve also known spouses who were asked to practice promiscuity (safely). I’ve known spouses who were asked to take up jobs and functions for their spouses. A spouse for a god of death was required to take up hospice work.

Your relationship, your life changes, the work you will do, will be personal to you and your spouse. Each and every day will be a new discovery. It will be hard. There will be pain. Being married to a god is not easy when we are mortal. Sometimes they push us, and in frightening ways. Sometimes we feel ignored, unloved, bitter, even used, because we don’t always understand, and They don’t always know to explain.

Is godspousery rewarding? That depends on your perspective… and your perspective may change daily. Sometimes, it takes so much from you, and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight… and other times, there is so much joy, such a feeling of rightness. Being loved by a god is not like being loved by a mortal – a lot of the problems spouses run into are because they expect no difference… but I’ve never met a godspouse who’s said, “I want a divorce.”
Thank you... this is so well put together. I have been a Spouse for several years now and there are lots of challenges, you learn to be very perceptive, and new ways of communication. You learn what true loyalty and devotion really is. There are good times, and bad ones, but no matter how bumpy the road gets, it’s the best experience ever. You learn so much about the one you are committed to, and just as much about yourself. For me, the whole experience has been far more rewarding than any relationship I’ve had with a human parter... which at this point I am not even interested in... and I wouldn’t want things any other way. At first I often wondered what I had gotten myself into, but more and more I realize how much I truly love Him. The Sex part is great, but the emotions we feel for each other are not based on that at all. I myself actually didn’t think I was really capable of deep feelings for anyone at all, but the self realization that came about as result of Our relationship has proven otherwise and most importantly, He has taught me to love myself and I am so thankful for that. :devillove: :devillust:
Passion, sadness, eroticism... the pain and pleasure of lust... so deliciously and dangerously irresistible!
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Cristini
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Bumping! This thread was incredibly interesting to read.
I don't have a spouse, no one proposed me nor am I looking for one, yet, we never know what the future will send our way... like they say knowledge is power, If a spouse manifests, at least we will have some extra cards on the sleeve to deal with the situation without falling into noob panic...well, I will be forever "noobs" in a certain way, but a bit of preparation never hurts :)devil:
Chumana
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Thank you for posting this. Didn't think I would see a post on this topic after being in a community a decade ago of those who are in these kinds of relationships. Now, many places consider this "controversial" or "taboo".

On my end, I am more of a "concubine" than a spouse, however a few things mentioned are similar to my experiences.

The One I am with has elements of Death and Chaos. His myths are "scattered" and not everything is revealed in one place (like His nature).

However, when He first came into my life, there were a lot of past life baggage (which we are both guilty of) and we continuing this life working though our issues. This is pretty much a lifetime commitment.

Some days are great and others, not so much. There was a time I lost complete connection to Him and had to work my way to reconnect which took a few years.

Despite our own struggles, I wouldn't change it for the world.
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Candy Pink Ray
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Patron Deities: Lucifer, Bune, Marbas, Ino
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I am new here and have very much enjoyed reading about people's relationships. I would call myself a 'serial faller in love with spirits.' Every time I intend to stay with them, but it never happens. Often I want it to be an equivalent of marriage, and some of them have agreed to things like handfasting, which can be for a year and a day or can be extended. But I expect they know what I am like (although many of them are the same.)

An important lesson that I think I have finally learned now is to make sure at the start that you are compatible. My partners often compare me to one of my cousins who started a love affair with his au pair before she could speak English, and then when she could speak English they found that they didn't get along after all! Several of them have been the warm-hearted and generous type with a bad temper, and I'm no good with those, we always have rows. Afterwards I often find myself about to talk about it and then I think, "Oh, but this is someone's god and they will think I am being irreverent and insulting to their god." So I keep quiet.

Some of them have been angels or demons, others Pagan gods, and the two do not seem to trust one another or inhabit the same world. I realise that I am not important enough for them to disagree about. It is life they disagree about- they are on a different wavelength from one another. Possibly human beings as a collective feed into this with their different world views, the Pagan religions and Abrahamic religions being like two different planets.

I see we have some spouses of Loki. I believe I was with Loki once in the astral world when I was in between incarnations, and I remember him having lots of other partners. He was a guide to them and he got them to join in with helping oppressed human beings on Earth. I believe that at this time he was helping African slaves and appearing to them as a god in the Voodoo pantheon. I've never met anyone else who has psychic impressions like that about Loki, but maybe I will.

:devillove:
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Lycana
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Location: FL
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I have been a godspouse for fifteen years now to Apollo. The marriage happened after four years of establishing a relationship with Him. Almost immediately after Diana initiated the connection by indicating her desire for him to be included in the household I felt a very intense connection to him.
My relationship with him has fed my artistic inspiration (although sometimes not really in a way that everyone appreciates since I have over the years turned out large numbers of prayers, icon paintings and icon statues that were all exclusively for him lol).
I agree that studying myths and historical cultus is important. I think the historical cultus gives more direct insights as to the relationship between the people and the deity (which often doesn’t match up with myths) and then the myths providing allegorical information on the nature of the deity and their domain. Studying these things obsessively the first several years in my relationship with him was highly important because it not only informed me but adjusted my focus toward him.

I would like to add that relationships naturally grow and evolve. At first my relationship with him was very closed. This might be what I would call the honeymoon phase. Mostly because this is an intimate level of bonding.
Even after this phase he has remained very involved in spirits and people who join our household. He is good at pushing out those who he doesn’t like.
Now 15 years later I do have a human spouse of 6 years and two young children whom are treated as his own with love and protection.
I also have a second divine spouse and a spirit lover (the latter he was involved in welcoming into the household.

In the end he’s still head of the household tho and foremost and everything precedes on his agreement. There is a definite hierarchy around here but it works.
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Lycana
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Patron Deities: Lucifer, Diana, Belial, Naamah, Sobek, Juno, Hethert etc
Your favourite Demon?: arachne, spectral, hellborn, void, mutilation. serpentine and tempest
Location: FL
Has thanked: 32 times
Been thanked: 79 times

Candy Pink Ray wrote:
Wed May 19, 2021 8:23 am

Some of them have been angels or demons, others Pagan gods, and the two do not seem to trust one another or inhabit the same world. I realise that I am not important enough for them to disagree about. It is life they disagree about- they are on a different wavelength from one another. Possibly human beings as a collective feed into this with their different world views, the Pagan religions and Abrahamic religions being like two different planets.


:devillove:
My house mixed lol. I think a lot of it depends on the individual because a lot of individual people are very either/or. While some may not get along, I don’t think there are any hard fast rules. As I practice stregoneria, there is a natural blend which makes me comfortable with having my gods, demons, angels etc in varying relationships.
Turiel is the one that I have a spirit lover may become something more relationship with which is approved of from Apollo. No conflict. The only conflict in the house has come from Turiel and my human spouse due to respect issues but things have mellowed out on that end.
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Candy Pink Ray
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Patron Deities: Lucifer, Bune, Marbas, Ino
Your favourite Demon?: Lucifer
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[/quote]

My house mixed lol. I think a lot of it depends on the individual because a lot of individual people are very either/or. While some may not get along, I don’t think there are any hard fast rules. As I practice stregoneria, there is a natural blend which makes me comfortable with having my gods, demons, angels etc in varying relationships.
Turiel is the one that I have a spirit lover may become something more relationship with which is approved of from Apollo. No conflict. The only conflict in the house has come from Turiel and my human spouse due to respect issues but things have mellowed out on that end.
[/quote]

Presumably stregonaria is the same that some people call Strega? That is a very good point about the natural blend, with the story of Diana and Lucifer being the parents of Aradia. I 've always found that story intriguing as it crosses the boundary between Pagan and Abrahamic religions and has entities from both of them. When I was studying Wicca (which I studied mainly solitary, through meditations) I was never sure whether to call the Goddess Diana or Aradia and in the end I decided to use Aradia, although it appeared to be the same personality I was in contact with whichever name I used. It differentiated her from the purely Greek and Roman Diana.
The reason why I studied Wicca in the first place was because I was in love with Cernunnos, then the Holly King. Sometimes the Holly King is seen as the winter aspect of Cernunnos but to me he manifested as a separate being who belonged more to the fae kingdom than Cernunnos. Cernunnos is very much a god, and he is related to Pan and Dionysus, although Pan told me once during a meditation that they prefer to be seen as three different gods.
After that I was in love with a chaos god, then Bune, Marbas and Lucifer. Those three demons see themselves very much as teachers of human beings, as well as joining in with human beings who are determined to be in love with them. Being as there are 72 Goetic demons, I realise it is best for me to approach the vast majority of them as teachers because I would not want to fall in love with 72 !!! :shocked: :shocked: :shocked: Also there are many who will never be needed as any kind of contact- it would be wasting their time to call them if I don't need to.
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Heretique
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Patron Deities: Set, Kali ma, guided heavily by Svengali and Lucifer
Your favourite Demon?: Svengali, Lucifer, Paimon, Azazel, Lucifuge Rofocale, Eurynomous, Namaah, Belial, Lord O
Number of Demon Familiars: 6
Location: Australia
Has thanked: 177 times
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Its good to hear about others expereinces with this too. @Candy Pink Ray i do disagree about the dls just “ joining with humans who are determined to be in love with them.” I recognise that experiences will differ depending on what version and level of them that you get though. And while the DLs can speak for themselves, in my expereinces with them at OSW level DLs do not take human spouses, and DLs anyway tend to be more idk picky in a way, marriage like this is a serious undertaking. I also do not think it is solely the humans choice in the matter either. And also while some things may feel akin to what humans may understand love to be, it may not be the same for those beings. And sometimes interactions with such beings or any beings really can open our chakras and feel similar to love but have different intent on the beings part. There are many forms and versions of love afterall. But just my 2 cents. Perhaps the attraction you feel for many beings could also be a type of call to delve deeper and work with them or resonance with their energies too?
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