Nyctophilia Raven wrote: ↑Sat Mar 16, 2019 11:22 am
I came to spirit KEEPING about ten years ago. I've routinely conjured entities since I was 8, trading services - but while some of them stayed several months or even a few years to complete the services I'd traded for, we weren't KEEPING each other.
My first experience with KEEPING came from Creepy Hollows.
In the beginning, it was a truly wonderful experience.
However, I'm... well, things change. I'm more reserved and reclusive than I used to be. I have less energy for socializing, even with spirit companions. I eventually found that my family was too large, and it was a huge drain on me. I also had serious emotional issues regarding that family - I was magically attacked multiple times, and eventually those attacks destroyed me. I'm not overstating this. I was catatonic for two years because of those attacks. I literally stared at a wall and didn't speak, for two years. It was like being in some deep, dark hole... people would talk to me and it would take hours for what they said to actually get to me... and then it would take hours for me to respond, if I did at all.
When I finally started to recover, I felt... not abandoned, but... betrayed.
These were my family, these beings. They were my protection. They were my safety.
And they didn't save me.
I couldn't get over it.
So eventually, when I felt strong enough, I went through them all, and attempted to connect to each one of them. The ones I felt no connection with, I contacted CH, and asked them to be released or rehomed, whatever the spirit wished.
However, I soon found that I was still feeling neglectful of the remaining... and the idea of reconnecting was so exhausting, I finally understood, I didn't want them. I didn't want to keep them anymore. I wanted to be free.
Keeping is a responsibility. It's not just a ussery relationship to me... and I didn't have the energy to fulfill my side of the relationships anymore.
So I contacted CH again, and I had them take back every spirit I had from them.
The only beings in my keep now are entities, or spirits that came from other sources. Those sources are no longer available so I can't rehome or release those beings... but we have an understanding - they are not part of my life anymore.
It took me five years to come to these conclusions, these understandings about my feelings and needs. I did not make these decisions lightly.
SPIRIT keeping isn't for everyone. And not every spirit or type of spirit is for those who it is for. If you have negative feelings about a physical relationship, with another person, what do you do about that?
Do you remain in a relationship you are dissatisfied and unhappy in?
Over the years, many human friends have come and gone in my life. Friendships are ephemeral. When they have run their course, when they no longer serve you or your friend, it's ok to let that friend go their own way, it's ok to choose to go yours.
Spirit we keep are friends - they may not have bodies, but they still fit that basic format of relationship.
I believe it's important for you right now to really take stock in your friendship with this particular spirit, and decide how much of the issues you're having are your own personal issues (shadow), and how much are actual problems with the relationship itself.
Sometimes, we just don't mix well.
I recently left the discord channel because of a serious personality conflict. It's ok to admit you don't mesh with someone. It's ok to walk away from that... sometimes it's what's best for not just yourself, but for that person, for their important relationships, and for everyone around you that is being affected by that conflict.
Spirit keeping should be looked at the same way.
I wish you good luck in your considerations about this spirit. Trust yourself and know, whatever you choose, the spirit will be ok with it. They saw it coming.
Be well.
-Raven