RAMPAGE : Trauma & Conscious Awareness

Questions and Answers for where to begin on the Darker Spiritual Paths.

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Belladonna
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***This is a new posting style I am experimenting with. I wanted to implement a way for us to talk about very serious topics from a spiritually balanced perspective...A way for us to open our minds into powerful thoughts, perspectives, and spiritual awarenesses that can transform the life of all who read. Within these posts, I am opening up the space for others to open their minds and open up their consciousness to the powerful awarenesses within this reality. Take whatever pieces from this post that resonates with you, and allow it to be used as medicine for your soul 🖤 That is the purpose of it all.

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Every single one of us, In one way or another, has experienced some form of a traumatic event within our lifetime. These pieces hold significant impact over our lives in various ways. The impacts of our traumas continue to take its shape and form throughout our lives and oftentimes can dictate the way we feel about ourselves and how we view and interpret the world around us.

A lot of the cases we see in our lives, our traumas can oftentimes be linked back to the wounded inner child. These are the pieces that impact us the most - More than any trauma we experience within the day to day life. It all is linked back to that damaged child that was wronged. The child that was hurt. The child that had their innocence and the light of their lives shattered before their little eyes. It is a hard truth that we all must recognize. Oftentimes, these damaged pieces of our childhood tend to play out over the course of our lives. It impacts the way we form relationships with others. With our family and friends, and alters the way we perceive the reality forevermore. It’s almost as if we have been programmed and conditioned to hold these understandings simply due to the way it showed up for us in our lives.

What if i told you the key here is to allow for the mind to relearn and understand the pieces of our lives that were tainted throughout the years of our lives? Because at the end of the day, we can hold onto our traumas as much as we’d like. We can form trauma bonds and attachments to these places and allow for our lives to be consumed by our stories… Or we can view these pieces from a place of awareness. From a place of understanding and neutrality - Because it is in these places of awareness and consciousness that we can allow ourselves to fully witness our trials and tribulations from a place of understanding. When you take a step back and view, understand, and learn about your traumas - It will shift everything.

A Lot of times - Our traumas leave imprints over us. This will look different for everybody & will never look the same, but the main component of this never changes. You can have somebody who was abused by their loved ones. These pieces can be reflected and carried into the way this individual forms and perceives relationships in the future. Their understanding of love and connection may become distorted and fragmented. They may subconsciously search for abuse from others. They may subconsciously seek the patterns that showed up within their abusive relationships, in all of their relationships going forward. It is because this is what they had been conditioned to understand about love & relationships. This is all that they knew.

We can see these conditions appear in places other than traumas. A great example is the way we understand money & abundance. Ask yourself, What were you raised to understand about money? Did you come from a family who struggled with money? And could these understandings from the past be imprinted on the way you view money today? There are many people who often can fall into these places… It all comes down to changing the lens of focus and allowing for the mind to relearn the truth that you wish to understand. By changing the way you perceive money into a positive and healthy place - You are altering your reality as simple as that. You are changing your conditioned beliefs to a new way of thinking ~ And because of this, it will be mirrored into the layers of your physical reality. We are that powerful. That is all it can take.

When you start to become aware of how our traumas are imprinted into our belief system, we can begin to understand and see the pieces of our lives that are in need of healing. Trauma leaves us with patterns that are picked up due to the pain and distortion of these experiences. By becoming aware of these patterns - Rather than getting stuck in our stories, we can simply witness our behaviors from a neutral place. If these are sexual issues, we might want to ask ourselves questions on how this may have started? Due to the our past experiences with sex and intimacy, what were we taught to understand about these pieces? Maybe we were used & abused by one too many. Maybe there is a piece of our soul that is crying out to be seen, heard and loved. Something that we were lacking once before. The patterns are all around us...and if we bring our conscious awareness into these pieces, we can begin to understand why we are the way we are...Why these traumas continue to negatively impact us and HOW we can overcome these pieces from a place of love.

By coming into awareness as to why we are the way we are, We also unlock the ability to hold awareness of enemies. Those who have wronged us. Those who have damaged us and may have ties to our traumas themselves..None of us are perfect. We ALL have wounds. Every single one of us. If you were to come to me and tell me that you have a perfect life and never once experienced some sort of trauma throughout your years, I’d tell you you’re a liar. There is a damaged piece within every single one of us. It is apart of our growth and is a part of this experience in this human life.

A long time ago, our Coven member Velca brought something into my awareness that awakened something profound within me. Ever since he shared this piece with me, it COMPLETELY changed the way i perceived life itself. It is something so simple, yet so powerful - It forever changed my life and played a HUGE piece within my spiritual growths.

“Life is an experience”

This simple piece holds so much power to it. It is common for us to overlook this sentence quite easily, Because it simply does not seem like anything too crazy. But when you observe this from a spiritually conscious perspective ~ It will change everything for you. Life itself is an experience. Our souls came into a decision to come into this human experience. Our souls incarnated into a human vessel, a human “avatar” if you will, for one main piece… To experience. From the moment you opened your eyes, to the moment you take your final breath and your soul passes on into the cold embrace of the spiritual world - You are here witnessing an experience. Within this life - we experience. We grow, we learn, we understand and we expand the depths of our souls into profound heights. Every single fickle experience you have had on this earth - Both positive & negative, holds a significance to your soul's purpose here in this life. When we tear away the ego and we strip away the fabrications and illusions of the mind...We can begin to see the patterns of it all. Every single moment of your life has led you into this moment.

Let me give your mind an easy way to understand the point I'm trying to make here. As I say to those who are close to me, I like to play. I enjoy playing with my thoughts and partaking in every possibility that there could be within a situation. No matter where you come from there is one piece that you cannot deny.

Every single moment of your life has led you into the moment here. Every single trauma you have endured within your current life time has led you to the roads you have walked to this present day. Every decision you have made has led you to where you are now. Every mistake, error, failure and fall you have ever had in your life - You are here now. Every success, accomplishment, growth and expansion you have ever experienced has led you into this moment, here and now. There are simply no coincidences in this life. There is a reason for everything, and you may start to even notice how every part of your life - Both the good and the bad - Have just so happened to lead you into this very moment. The fact that you are here in this moment - Reading this post - It is an undeniable FACT that you truly are exactly where you are meant to be in this moment. Something enticed you and something pulled the chords of your soul to read this post, and to reach as far as you have. As I type this, I am connecting to your energy. You were meant to receive this. Accept this as it is.

Now that I have brought this awareness into your mind, I want you to begin to understand the significance your traumas have held over your life. For some, we may immediately jump to the “Negative” aspects that these events have held over us ~ But i would actually like to invite you to re-frame your way of thinking to view the Positives of these Traumas. What did you learn from these pieces of your life? What pieces of your life can you alchemize into something positive. Something that you can take away from your struggle, that can lift you into a state of empowerment. Without my personal traumas, I know I would not be the person I am today. Because of the struggles I went through in my youth, I was led to walk a spiritual path and I was called to do the work that I do...Both here within Satan & Sons + my callings in my day to day life. Without my Traumas, I would not have been able to learn, to grow, and to mature into the Adult I am today. By understanding what my traumas have held over me, I allowed myself to completely make peace with these skeletons in my closet, knowing that they have helped me transcend within my human experience to evolve and awaken into the individual I am today.

By diving deep into our traumas from a neutral and understanding perspective, we are allowing ourselves to come into a deeper understanding into the reasons as to why we have experienced these hard pieces of our lives. Within every hardship, there is a medicine for your soul to take in. That is why we experienced them in the first place. Your soul is simply witnessing this experience from a physical vessel. Understand the deeper meaning and reasoning of it all, and it all will piece together...There is a reason why you exist and there is a reason why these pieces play such a crucial role within your life. When you can witness these experiences from a detached ego and from a place of neutral & conscious awareness ~ It will change everything. It will change the way you look at the world around you, and it will forever change the way you view who you are today.
I will give your heart a place to rest when all you have has turned and left 🖤

"Remember my name...For one day, I will not..."
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Excellent Word Spell! It worked well on me. I agree with what you've written, and it was a great reminder to me to do some reframing. Thank you!

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Mist
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Thank you, Belladonna, from the bottom of my heart. Today was... rough... and this is more appreciated than you know.
I threw myself to the wolves, only to learn of the tenderness of their howl, and the loyalty in their blood. ~Isra Al-Thibeh

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Leo Sierra
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Thank you Belladonna for bringing a comforting and enlightening angle to a difficult and sometimes forbidden subject.
I will be re-reading this many times when I need a refresher on not letting the past dictate my future. ✨💕
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Kore Serpens
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I was so happy to read your post, Belladonna.... and so conflicted. True to me I see always a different perspective and I don’t always know how to express that except as a challenge.... which is not true. I don’t want to challenge you. I simply wanted to express my perspective and struggle with translation of feelings to words .

So I went away in a muddle knowing I need to love myself and heal my heart/expression but I couldn’t say it to you on that day.

I’ve spent a lifetime learning how to find my way in through the back door. But that reflects a block and not my truth. Punishment for being me. And finding a workaround to my own truth is just so very wrong on so many levels though I did get to survive because of it.

I wanted to tell you, that my life’s experiences did not lead me to this very moment where I sit reading your post . It was rather, that I wanted to know you better. I like the safety of your energy and was moved to reach out to it.....
....but I couldn’t figure out the Discord and Skype keeps blowing up on me and that creates so much inner conflict between what I know as me and my inner one, that we called to you. And here you are. Not a lifetime of need. Just me calling to you in the only way I can with my prehistoric energy that doesn’t “do” computers.

My frustration makes me aggressive. My background tells me that I have to fight for my perspective, my right to know my own mind/being. And yet, another day, and some space , are we not entirely agreeing?
In a way, isn’t that what you were expressing? Okay, I like my view better... I called you and you responded to my need... but either way, my need stretched back to every other day of my life and my ripped out throat chakra.

I am free to frame my world differently. I am not that child of a cult. I am the mother of Imps and monsters now! I do have the power...

Today we are dealing with a pandemic. And,.... warning .... I am speaking my truth here and there could be major triggers, or not......

...and I’ve never felt better.
I’ve gone from a being filled with others judgement and fear of me and a world that mirrored their belief systems.....
....To a world, that overnight, began to reflect me. And I grabbed hold of it. This is my truth and I didn’t have to fight for it. I just had to be me and wait long enough and then wrap my arms and heart around it when it arrived.

Every step of my life, all my need and even the earliest fantasies as a child, reflects this need for a world full of death and bones. A world devoid of humans. A world free of their taint. Today is my Xmas.... and I don’t feel hated or despicable for being me.

And I mean no harm to anyone, but I recognize how much harm was done to me to contort my nature into one that was acceptable. And how much more harm was done by myself in denial and trying to fit in and continuing the deceit. All the deceit just keeps on distorting until I stop replicating it.

Truth doesn’t come with a manual. Truth doesn’t come with a degree and letters behind our name. But truth is here and, yes, I get your point, though I grind my teeth at the new age-I-ness of it (to my mind) and the christian feel which I balance in my own way and refuse to swallow unless I prove it to myself and even then I will dig deeper to find the pre-Christian root before I swallow.... none of which is necessarily relevant to the point but it is part of me. And I see how I built this towering inferno, every step of the way in my resistance to what I come from.

I have been taught in some very different ways by my Companions. I kept asking them, why are you so gentle with me? How come I am being encouraged to play, to let go of my discipline, to do whatever? I don’t get it. What kind of teaching is this?
They make me cry. I’ve learned to cry. But where’s the god-damned war?
I’m built for fighting-give me a war! I’ve a lifetime of discipline and I have been driven utterly mad with this .... yawn ....another day of what do I feel like doing and the only rule is stay focused within... on the One within.

I was told that the earlier generations had a harder, a more punishing and crushing method of being taught and it is the last thing that I need more of. Okay, I think I begin to understand because what should have been easy .... broke me.

And I probably should have placed this on my blog rather then taking over yours .... but I am so grateful for your energy, the kind strength that seeps from you. I don’t have to think about it or agree. I can just allow it to help me find my own healing ... And that is an undeniable fact that I can take to heart and believe.
"Good morning. ( level stare) I see the assassins have failed….”

”In the end it doesn't matter who or what you are - only that you've been embraced by all that you've become ... "
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SerenitySpells
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Oh never have such wise words ringed so true. My family is a prime example of what you say.

A toxic mum ( a great nan), for years I spent my energy sad, dwelling and trying to make her happy. Then one day I broke the chains by getting my first tattoo. My mum hates tattoos with a passion but there I was at age 42 finally saying I am old enough to live my life. Then I refused to hide my pagan life and books each time she visited. Suddenly I was me and it felt good.

Now my sister cannot move on. She will not allow her children to have contact with our mum and has not spoken to her in 5 years.

Funnily enough the chip on my sister's shoulder is the same one my mum has on her's regarding her own mum!!!

Neither can accept and move on and both are repeating the same mistakes.

Yes there are times my mum still makes me nervous about my actions due to her over reactions and narcissism but I am a stronger person and accept her for her and spend very little of my energy thinking about how "I've hurt her again" or "what a terrible daughter I am". I just hear the words and let them float on through. My children love her completely and my husband is right in that for all her words she is a product of her own upbringing and she would die for me and the children.

Meditation and wine also help :devilgrin: :crazy: :devilbanana:
:witch:

“One cannot step twice in the same river” – Heraclitus

“The unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates
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Belladonna
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Your favourite Demon?: Lord Satan & The Dark Divine
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Kore Serpens wrote:
Sat Apr 04, 2020 2:53 pm
I was so happy to read your post, Belladonna.... and so conflicted. True to me I see always a different perspective and I don’t always know how to express that except as a challenge.... which is not true. I don’t want to challenge you. I simply wanted to express my perspective and struggle with translation of feelings to words .

So I went away in a muddle knowing I need to love myself and heal my heart/expression but I couldn’t say it to you on that day.

I’ve spent a lifetime learning how to find my way in through the back door. But that reflects a block and not my truth. Punishment for being me. And finding a workaround to my own truth is just so very wrong on so many levels though I did get to survive because of it.

I wanted to tell you, that my life’s experiences did not lead me to this very moment where I sit reading your post . It was rather, that I wanted to know you better. I like the safety of your energy and was moved to reach out to it.....
....but I couldn’t figure out the Discord and Skype keeps blowing up on me and that creates so much inner conflict between what I know as me and my inner one, that we called to you. And here you are. Not a lifetime of need. Just me calling to you in the only way I can with my prehistoric energy that doesn’t “do” computers.

My frustration makes me aggressive. My background tells me that I have to fight for my perspective, my right to know my own mind/being. And yet, another day, and some space , are we not entirely agreeing?
In a way, isn’t that what you were expressing? Okay, I like my view better... I called you and you responded to my need... but either way, my need stretched back to every other day of my life and my ripped out throat chakra.

I am free to frame my world differently. I am not that child of a cult. I am the mother of Imps and monsters now! I do have the power...

Today we are dealing with a pandemic. And,.... warning .... I am speaking my truth here and there could be major triggers, or not......

...and I’ve never felt better.
I’ve gone from a being filled with others judgement and fear of me and a world that mirrored their belief systems.....
....To a world, that overnight, began to reflect me. And I grabbed hold of it. This is my truth and I didn’t have to fight for it. I just had to be me and wait long enough and then wrap my arms and heart around it when it arrived.

Every step of my life, all my need and even the earliest fantasies as a child, reflects this need for a world full of death and bones. A world devoid of humans. A world free of their taint. Today is my Xmas.... and I don’t feel hated or despicable for being me.

And I mean no harm to anyone, but I recognize how much harm was done to me to contort my nature into one that was acceptable. And how much more harm was done by myself in denial and trying to fit in and continuing the deceit. All the deceit just keeps on distorting until I stop replicating it.

Truth doesn’t come with a manual. Truth doesn’t come with a degree and letters behind our name. But truth is here and, yes, I get your point, though I grind my teeth at the new age-I-ness of it (to my mind) and the christian feel which I balance in my own way and refuse to swallow unless I prove it to myself and even then I will dig deeper to find the pre-Christian root before I swallow.... none of which is necessarily relevant to the point but it is part of me. And I see how I built this towering inferno, every step of the way in my resistance to what I come from.

I have been taught in some very different ways by my Companions. I kept asking them, why are you so gentle with me? How come I am being encouraged to play, to let go of my discipline, to do whatever? I don’t get it. What kind of teaching is this?
They make me cry. I’ve learned to cry. But where’s the god-damned war?
I’m built for fighting-give me a war! I’ve a lifetime of discipline and I have been driven utterly mad with this .... yawn ....another day of what do I feel like doing and the only rule is stay focused within... on the One within.

I was told that the earlier generations had a harder, a more punishing and crushing method of being taught and it is the last thing that I need more of. Okay, I think I begin to understand because what should have been easy .... broke me.

And I probably should have placed this on my blog rather then taking over yours .... but I am so grateful for your energy, the kind strength that seeps from you. I don’t have to think about it or agree. I can just allow it to help me find my own healing ... And that is an undeniable fact that I can take to heart and believe.
Thank you so much for stepping forward and sharing this piece. The power and the truth that i have felt from reading this is impeccable. I deeply honor you for stepping forward and sharing such a deep and personal piece from your perspective. I absolutely honor each and every word you have shared, because there is truth in these pieces.

I personally find that these pieces of our lives - The pieces that have held us down in entrapment and distort our vision for our lives - are some of the most profound pieces that we take from our growth here in this life. I see a lot of people in the world today who are "Love & Light"... They say that everything is perfect and in divine alignment, but when it comes to the darker aspects of our world....The aspects that have left us damaged, scarred, and in a state of hopelessness... They shut it out. They refuse to observe the polarities of these natures and the importance it holds over our growth has humans.

Life itself is challenging. There are countless ups and down along our journeys to self. Our truth is shut out, and it feels as if our throat chakra has been ripped from its core and torn into shreds. Our truth is taken from us and we are met with total adversity with out endeavors in life. But there is such beauty in these moments of failure... There is a sick and twisted beauty in these dark places of the soul ~ Because it is here that we are challenged to reclaim our power and reconstruct the vision & image of who we are deep within ourselves. Without these pieces of our lives, there would be no growth. There would be no vision, no challenge, no expansion and no alignment. These dark times of our lives serve such an important piece, and these pieces are in alignment with us.

The reason i say this is because there is beauty in these dark places that we have once walked, and still walk through to this day. Without the integration of these traumas and without the understanding of the purpose they serve - We are left in stagnation. The deepest wounds and the deepest blockages that we face in life, all hold an underlying key... Medicine for the soul, and an opportunity to rise above and grow from the chains of our past that once held us down. There is a polarity within all things. There is a blessing within the deepest of our wounds.

You speak such beauty with every word that you share. Hearing you speak your truth fills my heart with such faith and trust in the life that we lead. There is such power. Right now, we are in a very trying time within the world... Between the pandemic and the global energetic resets that are occurring worldwide. We, as a collective, are being challenged to stand firmly in our truth and allow fore ourselves to be seen and heard in our glories. The time for fear is over and we are beginning to break out of the chains that have held us down for far too long. Often times, the biggest wars that we will ever fight in life are the ones within ourselves. When we go deep within the self - We will find the pieces of ourselves that have been damaged, fragmented and screaming to finally be heard and seen. It is within these internal battles that we liberate pieces of ourselves back into alignment with our truth...And letting that shine bright for all to see is the most powerful and liberating things we can do for ourselves...And i want to honor you for doing just that and displaying such honesty, strength, courage, and MIGHT.
Kore Serpens wrote:
Sat Apr 04, 2020 2:53 pm
I don’t have to think about it or agree. I can just allow it to help me find my own healing ... And that is an undeniable fact that I can take to heart and believe.
This right here is the key to all of it...I am humbled, blessed, and beyond grateful to hold space for this. You are doing the work & you are giving yourself the time & space to heal... And that, my friend, is an undeniable fact 💜
I will give your heart a place to rest when all you have has turned and left 🖤

"Remember my name...For one day, I will not..."
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Belladonna
Posts: 154
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:09 am
Patron Deities: Source
Your favourite Demon?: Lord Satan & The Dark Divine
Location: The Center of the Universe
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Been thanked: 26 times

Sengdroma wrote:
Sat Apr 04, 2020 10:28 pm
Oh never have such wise words ringed so true. My family is a prime example of what you say.

A toxic mum ( a great nan), for years I spent my energy sad, dwelling and trying to make her happy. Then one day I broke the chains by getting my first tattoo. My mum hates tattoos with a passion but there I was at age 42 finally saying I am old enough to live my life. Then I refused to hide my pagan life and books each time she visited. Suddenly I was me and it felt good.

Now my sister cannot move on. She will not allow her children to have contact with our mum and has not spoken to her in 5 years.

Funnily enough the chip on my sister's shoulder is the same one my mum has on her's regarding her own mum!!!

Neither can accept and move on and both are repeating the same mistakes.

Yes there are times my mum still makes me nervous about my actions due to her over reactions and narcissism but I am a stronger person and accept her for her and spend very little of my energy thinking about how "I've hurt her again" or "what a terrible daughter I am". I just hear the words and let them float on through. My children love her completely and my husband is right in that for all her words she is a product of her own upbringing and she would die for me and the children.

Meditation and wine also help :devilgrin: :crazy: :devilbanana:
Thank you so much for sharing this!!! You see, it is about honoring the past. Honoring the pieces of our lives that have broken us down into our most vulnerable places - And seeing the medicine of it all. We are all undergoing our own unique experience. Each and every one of us, no exceptions, are learning and undergoing the processes and expansions of life from our own unique perspectives. We all come from different places...Different beliefs, different paths, and different perceptions on life itself...But it is important to remember the humanity within all of us. Deep within the most broken and damaged people is a child that is crying out to be seen and heard. As we grow, age, and expand our life and take in these experiences within our humanity - it changes us and allows for us to unite with these shattered pieces of our lives. You display such healing and such grace with what you have shared - and i want to thank you deeply for doing so.

Sounds like we must celebrate with some meditation and a glass of wine :devilgrin: :devillove:
I will give your heart a place to rest when all you have has turned and left 🖤

"Remember my name...For one day, I will not..."
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