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 Things coming to a head 
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I think I mentioned in a previous thread, that Lord Rosier was in my thoughts a lot yesterday..

How he helped me realise the importance of healing the Self, and that I have neglected this for far too long. Anyway, my mother and I had a rocky (to say the least) relationship when I was a teenager. You know how teens go through a world of emotions? Well, I was not allowed to express these emotions (not the negative ones) and if I ever did, it would cause a big fight. I was not allowed to be sad, to be moody, to just BE a teenager.

So, I turned to music as the only form of "release" I could use. I remember listening to a lot of Pink, because I could relate to her lyrics.

My mother has this astonishing ability to say the most hurtful things, but without realising just how hurtful her words can be. This would again cause fights, because she would say things and like any normal teen, I would react due to feeling hurt, and she would be taken aback and "shocked" with my reaction (because according to her, she didn't say anything wrong) so it was MY fault once again, and there was, according to her, "something wrong with me"..

I still remember crying myself to sleep one night, thinking over and over again "disconnect, disconnect, DISCONNECT!" referring to my ability to feel, because if I no longer felt anything, if I no longer cared, then I wouldn't feel the constant pain I was in.

One day, I brought home a fiction book on Wicca. When my mother found it, she demanded I give it to her, and I refused. It resulted in a physical altercation where she was literally trying to rip the book out of my hands, and I was hanging on to it and refusing to let go. Long story short, the book ended up being burnt in the fireplace.


Fast forward to my adult years, and things had improved. I, like the rest of my family, learned how to rather ignore my mother's nasty comments as oppose to reacting to them and causing a fight. My family did at one stage, try to talk to her about this. It didn't go down very well, and so it was never brought up again.

The thing is, I cannot sit down with my mother and have a conversation about those years, and maybe even get an "I'm so sorry, I love you" because she is literally unable to understand it. So my healing needs to come from a different angle.

Anyway, those years, are the ones I buried deep in the back of my mind. And now, they are coming to the surface, daring me to do something about them..

I don't really know where to start, but I know I need to heal, I need to revisit everything and turn it around somehow..


Wed Aug 09, 2017 1:22 am
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This is where shadow work will come in. As I myself do not know much about Shadow work, I cannot point you in the right direction with that. For I myself have a lot of Shadow work I need to do.

Have you had therapy? I am sorry you had to go through this. That is terrible. Just remember what does not kill you makes you stronger.

I myself have a really crappy relationship with my mother. Even in adulthood she constantly tries to drag me down and put me down. She is jealous of my successes. She has a very horrible life and is very miserable. So she tries her best to bring me down. I had to cut her out of my life period for three months and did not speak to her. Now I will speak to her once every other month just to make sure she's okay. Only because she has a medical condition that she can die from and she is my only living parent left.

I am not sure of your situation but it may be in your best interest to cut her out of your life if not completely reduce it two minimal interaction with one another. Then you will be able to begin to heal. It's kind of counterproductive when you're trying to heal but yet you're having these remarks being thrown at you. Granite you can ignore them, however they are still subconsciously being seeded in your brain. When one person hears the same thing over and over and over again , they tend to start to believe it. It is best to just keep a distance while you heal.

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Wed Aug 09, 2017 3:35 am
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ChaosDevour wrote:
I think I mentioned in a previous thread, that Lord Rosier was in my thoughts a lot yesterday..

How he helped me realise the importance of healing the Self, and that I have neglected this for far too long. Anyway, my mother and I had a rocky (to say the least) relationship when I was a teenager. You know how teens go through a world of emotions? Well, I was not allowed to express these emotions (not the negative ones) and if I ever did, it would cause a big fight. I was not allowed to be sad, to be moody, to just BE a teenager.

So, I turned to music as the only form of "release" I could use. I remember listening to a lot of Pink, because I could relate to her lyrics.

My mother has this astonishing ability to say the most hurtful things, but without realising just how hurtful her words can be. This would again cause fights, because she would say things and like any normal teen, I would react due to feeling hurt, and she would be taken aback and "shocked" with my reaction (because according to her, she didn't say anything wrong) so it was MY fault once again, and there was, according to her, "something wrong with me"..

I still remember crying myself to sleep one night, thinking over and over again "disconnect, disconnect, DISCONNECT!" referring to my ability to feel, because if I no longer felt anything, if I no longer cared, then I wouldn't feel the constant pain I was in.

One day, I brought home a fiction book on Wicca. When my mother found it, she demanded I give it to her, and I refused. It resulted in a physical altercation where she was literally trying to rip the book out of my hands, and I was hanging on to it and refusing to let go. Long story short, the book ended up being burnt in the fireplace.


Fast forward to my adult years, and things had improved. I, like the rest of my family, learned how to rather ignore my mother's nasty comments as oppose to reacting to them and causing a fight. My family did at one stage, try to talk to her about this. It didn't go down very well, and so it was never brought up again.

The thing is, I cannot sit down with my mother and have a conversation about those years, and maybe even get an "I'm so sorry, I love you" because she is literally unable to understand it. So my healing needs to come from a different angle.

Anyway, those years, are the ones I buried deep in the back of my mind. And now, they are coming to the surface, daring me to do something about them..

I don't really know where to start, but I know I need to heal, I need to revisit everything and turn it around somehow..
' Hey Chaos Devour . I Know what your Going though right now having a Difficult Relationship with your Mother because . I Have also had the Same with my own Mother for Years now things are a lot

Better now between Us and that's mostly because We both had Sit Down and agreed to Work on having a better Relationship but My DC . Has also been a great help to Me with Doing, Shadow Work helping me to Release old blocks emotions pain We've Been Working though Different Levels of ' Shadow work for Weeks now

Its Something that you, Would help you out also with Dealing with your Own emotions about your Mother . I Highly Recommend Shadow work for you its been just

awesome for me With help from My DC . :D

_________________
I Have Won Sinner Of The Month Four Times Now ' My Grandmother Always Said either Stand For Something are You Will Fall for Anything ' I am not Just Walking My path . I am Living it !


Wed Aug 09, 2017 3:55 am
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I think a lot of people have unresolved childhood issues. My mother did not want children, but had five. As a result, I almost got neglected to death. Literally! I had perforated ulcers from stress at 15 years old. I almost bled to death....and my mother never took me to the hospital. I grew up feeling I wasn't worth it. *shrugs* I am separated from my family. None of them are worth being around. They only cause me problems. Yes, shadow work can be a life saver! It will teach you to release the stress and things that got accidentally programmed into you as a youngster. You and your life are SPECIAL and that you deserve better things! Go out there and find them. Stay away from people who dump mental poison into your mind. The ones who try to manipulate you, who won't give you room to discover your own path in life.

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“If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.” – Jim Rohn


"Our Gods are dead. Ancient Klingon warriors slew them over a millennia ago. They were more trouble than they were worth." (Worf, Klingon warrior)

"The Master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried."

" And it's so easy when you're Evil! This is the life, you see. The Devil tips his hat to me. I do it all because I'm Evil. And I do it all for free. Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!" (Lord Evil via Voltaire)


Wed Aug 09, 2017 4:38 am
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Nefer wrote:
This is where shadow work will come in. As I myself do not know much about Shadow work, I cannot point you in the right direction with that. For I myself have a lot of Shadow work I need to do.

Have you had therapy? I am sorry you had to go through this. That is terrible. Just remember what does not kill you makes you stronger.

I myself have a really crappy relationship with my mother. Even in adulthood she constantly tries to drag me down and put me down. She is jealous of my successes. She has a very horrible life and is very miserable. So she tries her best to bring me down. I had to cut her out of my life period for three months and did not speak to her. Now I will speak to her once every other month just to make sure she's okay. Only because she has a medical condition that she can die from and she is my only living parent left.

I am not sure of your situation but it may be in your best interest to cut her out of your life if not completely reduce it two minimal interaction with one another. Then you will be able to begin to heal. It's kind of counterproductive when you're trying to heal but yet you're having these remarks being thrown at you. Granite you can ignore them, however they are still subconsciously being seeded in your brain. When one person hears the same thing over and over and over again , they tend to start to believe it. It is best to just keep a distance while you heal.



Thanks Nefer. I totally agree with you, when you say "what does not kill you, makes you stronger" :wink:

I haven't had therapy. I have this idea in my head that therapists will tell you bs and not be of much help, which is why I was thinking about going the route of working with the DL's Rosier and Leviathan for this, and like velle said, Shadow Work!

I am sorry to hear of your own relationship with your mother, that is awful she is jealous of your success and constantly tries to drag you down!

You are quite right, it WOULD be ideal to cut her out of my life, except recently I moved back home after living with my one sister. My mother is old now, 73, and being back home I cannot believe how frail she has become. We recently found out from doctors that her cerebellum has deteriorated, and one result of this is it makes her feel really tired most of the time so she tends to go to bed around 5PM in the afternoon. My father needs my help with her, doing things around the house etc so I am in quite a complex situation but I don't feel it is impossible to heal despite this. I will find a way around it!


velle wrote:
Hey Chaos Devour . I Know what your Going though right now having a Difficult Relationship with your Mother because . I Have also had the Same with my own Mother for Years now things are a lot

Better now between Us and that's mostly because We both had Sit Down and agreed to Work on having a better Relationship but My DC . Has also been a great help to Me with Doing, Shadow Work helping me to Release old blocks emotions pain We've Been Working though Different Levels of ' Shadow work for Weeks now

Its Something that you, Would help you out also with Dealing with your Own emotions about your Mother . I Highly Recommend Shadow work for you its been just

awesome for me With help from My DC . :D


:hug: Thanks velle

I totally agree with you, I also feel that Shadow Work will help a lot! Thanks so much for mentioning it!


Satan's Hellcat wrote:
I think a lot of people have unresolved childhood issues. My mother did not want children, but had five. As a result, I almost got neglected to death. Literally! I had perforated ulcers from stress at 15 years old. I almost bled to death....and my mother never took me to the hospital. I grew up feeling I wasn't worth it. *shrugs* I am separated from my family. None of them are worth being around. They only cause me problems. Yes, shadow work can be a life saver! It will teach you to release the stress and things that got accidentally programmed into you as a youngster. You and your life are SPECIAL and that you deserve better things! Go out there and find them. Stay away from people who dump mental poison into your mind. The ones who try to manipulate you, who won't give you room to discover your own path in life.


That is terrible you were so badly neglected, SH!!! I know the feeling of being made to feel you are not worth it. NO one should be made to feel that way.


Thank you so much, for the replies guys.


Wed Aug 09, 2017 5:13 am
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Your Welcome Chaos Devour ,Shadow work has been great for me It Will help you out also Good Luck :hug:

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I Have Won Sinner Of The Month Four Times Now ' My Grandmother Always Said either Stand For Something are You Will Fall for Anything ' I am not Just Walking My path . I am Living it !


Wed Aug 09, 2017 5:17 am
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Hey Chaos,
One of the best pieces of advice I was given was the saying "Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself". I had to put this advice to work after my divorce. If you feel shodow work would help i would recommend you check out https://www.phantasmory.com/. I had her do the sexual healing and doubt distiller rites and have had nothing less than amazed at the results. Good luck on your journey of forgiveness you will a much healthier and better person when you get to the other side and forgive.


Wed Aug 09, 2017 5:50 am
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Mentalmettle wrote:
Hey Chaos,
One of the best pieces of advice I was given was the saying "Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself". I had to put this advice to work after my divorce. If you feel shodow work would help i would recommend you check out https://www.phantasmory.com/. I had her do the sexual healing and doubt distiller rites and have had nothing less than amazed at the results. Good luck on your journey of forgiveness you will a much healthier and better person when you get to the other side and forgive.


Thank you Mentalmettle! Oh, I am VERY familiar with Vixen's work, hehe! She has been nothing short of amazing to me and my meta journey. I just visited her store again, and I found the "Unlimited" listing under the Healing section.. this appeals to me a lot! I may just contact her about it. Thanks again for pointing me in the right direction :)devil:


Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:49 am
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ChaosDevour wrote:
Mentalmettle wrote:
Hey Chaos,
One of the best pieces of advice I was given was the saying "Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself". I had to put this advice to work after my divorce. If you feel shodow work would help i would recommend you check out https://www.phantasmory.com/. I had her do the sexual healing and doubt distiller rites and have had nothing less than amazed at the results. Good luck on your journey of forgiveness you will a much healthier and better person when you get to the other side and forgive.


Thank you Mentalmettle! Oh, I am VERY familiar with Vixen's work, hehe! She has been nothing short of amazing to me and my meta journey. I just visited her store again, and I found the "Unlimited" listing under the Healing section.. this appeals to me a lot! I may just contact her about it. Thanks again for pointing me in the right direction :)devil:


Okay, I'm going for "Unlimited" and "Resurrection" at the end of this month, weeeeeee I can't wait! :devilclap:


Wed Aug 09, 2017 7:08 am
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Some therapists are b.s some are not. It just comes down to do they care about their job and how good are they at it? However the route you want to take is just as good, if not better. I will lean towards better.

I see why it would be a problem to execute her from your life. You live with her. Worry not. All things will work out in time.

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Wed Aug 09, 2017 1:12 pm
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