Interpersonal Wellness

A section for celebrating health and wellness!
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Eilana
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The narcissist’s outer seeking ego screams this: “I need you to comply. I need you to take my pain away. I need you to do exactly what my unrealistic, overentitled expectations require from you. I need you to obey. I need you to be subservient. I need you to go over and above the call of duty to confirm my significance, and I need you to cop my crap whenever I feel angry and need to blame someone else and lash out.” “And if you don’t cop it, then I’ll find a way to punish you until I’ve offloaded enough of my inner rage to try to get relief.”

Narcissists are playing out malignant, toxic projection. It is the disowned, unhealed parts of themselves that are eating them alive. To try to survive these inner wounds, which the narcissist has no intention of meeting, holding, feeling and healing, they are superimposed onto you instead, and then the narcissist tries to destroy them which means you are lined up and attacked.
Taken from this article https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/why- ... value-you/
People say to me “This person is undermining me at work. Are they a narcissist?” My response is “So what if they are? Lose your fear, show up, confront, be transparent and be powerfully yourself.”

Other people say, “My boyfriend does this to me, and I’m really scared that I’m dating another narcissist.” This is how I feel about that … I don’t care whether anyone’s boyfriend’s middle name is Satan or Stanley. What I care about and what you need to care about is, ‘What are your values?’ State them and be clear. Stand for them. If he can’t rise up to meet you at that level genuinely (and your body knows the truth on this when you see his actions and if the cycles keep repeating) leave and live your life aligned with these values. Then you will share a life with someone who is capable of delivering them.

Other people say, “The ex is being hell with co-parenting, and she is ripping me to shreds, how can I protect myself against this?” My answer to that is: “Do what you normally wouldn’t do. Release all fear from inside of you, stop trying to walk on broken glass, cut deals and appease her. Stand powerfully in truth and deliver it and create your truth for you and your kids no matter what she chooses to do or not do.”

Can you see that there is a theme here? It’s all about taking our focus OFF them and putting it firmly ON to changing the one person we have the power to change, which is ourselves. We are not going to change narcissists and unconscious people, but we sure as heck have the ability to change our part in this, which are the reasons why we are tolerating less than the life and treatment we were born to live. And, we can stop completely self-abandoning and self-avoiding everything that our inner being, the true guide to our life, is screaming at us.
Taken from this article https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the- ... rcissists/

^That one is really worth reading.
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user2774653b
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Are narcissists aware of their i-m-less-worth complex? Sometimes i think they don't even have it! At least some of them. Non verbal communication reveals a lot of things.
I have noticed that person who masks low self esteem complex with narcistic behavior sooner or later shows big amount of insecurity in his non verbal, even verbal communication. You can't pretend forever.
But some of them just keep with very stabile kind of narcissism... So i suspect that minority of narcissists really think that they are Gods.
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I'm finding I can fly so high above with you...
brentpham
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Not having many friends and not being confident enough to go and make them leaves me feeling like a failure in that regards. Being an adult can be really lonely.
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Kore Serpens
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I am rereading this post on narcissism yet again and today, two Aha! moments on my journey. Thank you so much to those who started this post and the many who added to it.

[Akeltaquote]This post hehe It actually reminds me of the Movie Coraline. It was the perfect example of a Narcissistic relationship and growing up and healing and moving beyond it. [/quote]

I watched Coraline some time ago and was really made uncomfortable by it and wasn't fully cognizant of why that was. I've slowly been able to peel back the skin on my family history and gain some awareness but it's been like operating on myself. So much of it is just so much a part of me that I thought it was me. Reading the above quote was a cold splash of water because I could never understand why everyone thought my mother was the perfect mother when she was such a monster. They all wanted her to be their mom. And she would look at me, and smile, because she knew our little secret was safe. They would never never guess. And her lips would curve in that special way, looking at me, while they looked at her.

There is a separate post on Autism that is related to this for me; trying to understand myself as me (not "fixing" that which is different about myself which includes autistic-like aspects but embracing and understanding the world thru me, not inspite of me) , opening up and healing my familial history which is narcissism piled upon narcissism (my family, their relations/religion, were amazingly integrated like pieces of narcissistic individuals forming a larger narcissistic puzzle whole. We speak of individuals here but there needs also to be included those Groups within the culture that reflect narcissism as a whole , ie., a business or religion or political groups... that rise up, growing in power ,and have to be recognized as what they are to be stopped or they sweep everybody up into their path, not just a personal view but a world view.)
I've struggled to separate that which is me or mine, and that which is them, or not belonging in me. Anyone who is familiar with narcissists knows that ... there is NO you. Only them.
It's hard enough dealing with this as an adult but being a child raised by them takes it to a whole other level.

I thought I had this under control and was healing but my companions came in, actually, one companion arrived, who saw things differently and threw me back into it.

And this is where the autism, or shades thereof, come into play. Because how I identify myself, and know my world, is just so friggin complicated as it is, and then to add the narcissist and that history into the mix is mind boggling.... until I recognize the pattern. And that is the gift of me, of what I am, and that also seems to be the key with dealing with narcissists. Self love.
As soon as we are wholly identified as our self, as One, and that is in a healthy condition, they simply cannot gain access. They have to divide to conquer... that is their method. Our strength is to love and own the whole of ourselves, everything, and once we do they have no leverage at all to plant themselves within.

And that is what they are indirectly; a really destructive parasite that needs the other to exist. They don't exist without you ... their a bit like sludge in that regard. One of the most dangerous things about sludge is the young ones and their knack for arousing pity. They look so helpless, needy. If they can arouse your sympathy they have a toe-in. And I see that in my mother and the confusing love/hate relationship. To save myself ... or to save her. Simple choice as an adult. But as a child we believe our survival is tied to our parents/mother; or, at least, we can be trained to so believe. It's complicated. And It's ever so simple.


Aha #2:
[Eilanaquote]Narcissists are playing out malignant, toxic projection. It is the disowned, unhealed parts of themselves that are eating them alive. To try to survive these inner wounds, which the narcissist has no intention of meeting, holding, feeling and healing, they are superimposed onto you instead, and then the narcissist tries to destroy them which means you are lined up and attacked.[/quote]

...that are eating them alive.....
They are, if seen clearly, so utterly empty of Self that the
reconstruct becomes a soul mirage.

The more need you have, any holes, any brokenness, they will sniff it out and work their way in. They need you to carry their poison which is their own sense of self. To refuse them is to kill them. To not refuse them is to kill/destroy your self. To love your self is to know what you are and to own all of it. The best way to make you disown parts of yourself is to be made guilty.
To be guilty is to not be whole.
To not be whole is to not be fully conscious of your self ... and guess what will recognize that void within?
They are delighted by your self doubts and guilt. They are truly negative teachers of self worth, love and strength.

I was told I don't have many natural enemies. But the thing that I'm battling with is a false mirror of my self.
And she contains all the known poisons that I grew up with and knew how to work me.
She who would destroy and She who would be Whole.
Learning that opened my eyes to forgiveness and guilt and the powers that lie within.
What you are, what they are, does not have to be analyzed. They are what they are.
And I'm not guilty for either their lack of self/worth nor their choices on their journey to get there. Their choices make themselves. As do mine. There is no forgiveness for that; only self awareness, self responsibility, and the freedom to be the monster within that will do whatever it takes to ensure my continued journey as one, whole being.
A healthy Self can be trusted to not inflict itself on others who are smaller then us. We don't have to. We're full of ourselves.

Having these people as family has taught me how valuable forgiveness is and how corrupt the popular understanding of it is.
Forgiveness, in my understanding, really is reserved for Self. To hold it outside of oneself is to deny others their right to choose, to be self responsible. And my own right to make mistakes. that right protects me and I see that now.

I don't forgive my family nor those involved as a whole from my past. But once healing takes place, nor do they exist for me.
They were a really really bad meal that made me crazy sick. And being me, I survived and I'm kinda proud about that.

But life is like that. I love the outdoors and have spent a great deal of time there; and I been stalked by bears, nearly drowned once, got lost twice and thought I wouldn't find my way out. And I've been threatened by violence by those who thought that
I was a woman alone and unable to defend myself.
It's not safe here. It's not supposed to be.
If we're too safe how do we become all that we're waiting/desiring to become?

We shine all the more because we are what we are, in a difficult world, and we won't allow ourselves to be denied.
"Good morning. ( level stare) I see the assassins have failed….”

”In the end it doesn't matter who or what you are - only that you've been embraced by all that you've become ... "
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Kore Serpens wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 9:47 am
.
We speak of individuals here but there needs also to be included those Groups within the culture that reflect narcissism as a whole , ie., a business or religion or political groups... that rise up, growing in power ,and have to be recognized as what they are to be stopped or they sweep everybody up into their path, not just a personal view but a world view.)

Absolutely brilliant piece of insight. I have been studying very thoroughly the history of various religions, political institutions, and societal power structures lately and there is a fascinating pattern that has played out in the present evolution of humanity.

I was talking to a wilderness friend about this, they live out in Denver and radiate a shamanic intensity of sight. They see things in terms of the primal layers and so to hear their perspective on things is always fascinating.

As they see it... all of these structures and collectives, they are built up and then at some point in their development they acquire a life force of their own that propels them as an entity into a significant fixture in the ecosystem of the world and especially a global society.

As we see in the animal kingdom there are predators and there are prey. Most of these massive corporations they function as global predators that prey on the earth and people’s resources because there is no system to check the wild nature of a collective. It is hard to find a balance.

We have tranquilizers for those earthly creatures that pose a threat to our well being but we lack awareness of the life force of these meta systems and how they can be malignant towards the collective.

I think of narcissists as psychological predators. It is their hunger for something they can’t find within themselves that causes them to hunt others for their sustenance. It’s a very complex and fascinating process.

The more we can become aware of the shapes of manipulation and exploitation, not only as individuals but as a collective, the more we can evolve as a species.

Loved that you brought this up.
cotton candy delirium
...madness like sugar
sweetness
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but colored
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