I am going to be quieter for a bit...

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Akelta
Goddess of the Void
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Patron Deities: Satan, Lucifer, Mammon, Azazel, Andras, Paimon, Leviathan, Unsere, The Family
Your favourite Demon?: Tiger, High Prince H, Bear, Oblivion, Quasar, Prince V, Venom, Cadaver, My Family
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Location: Canada
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My moms side of my family has a very complex history. Whereas I found stability and nurturing from my father and my step moms family, my moms was complicated...

My grandmother was recently diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder... It was more of a relief to my mother then anything because it explained so much...however.. when my mom removed herself from the family my grandfather became the target... the enabler...

My grandfather kept in contact with me and tried is best to stay in contact. My grandmother did everything in her power to keep him from having contact with us and talking to us. He would call and if I didn't pick up he would tell me it was not safe to call back.. Our conversations at times were met with him suddenly going "I have to go!" and hanging up...

If you ask why we did nothing to intervene.. We did. My grandmother got the diagnosis because of my moms intervention. She had a psyche team go into the house. She had the assessment done. The fact is my grandfather when the psyche teams were there would side with my grandmother and insist he was fine. It was a very toxic situation and the system is broken, we did everything we possibly could and I can confidently say that because my mom is a psyche nurse with 40 years of experience in the system. My grandfather though was still mentally sound till the end and he choose to stay.

My mother cut herself off from her family and stopped all intervention because when she tried my grandmother and my uncle would threaten to phone the police on her and it was very messy and ugly. My mom was the scapegoat and anyone who has grown up in a Narcissistic Family knows what that means.

I was shielded from that, my mother shielded me from that but was broken herself from the ordeal. There are times during this where I have had to be the adult and advise her on what she needs to do and how to handle the situation. That being said I loved my grandfather, and the final years of his life he was basically isolated from his grandchildren and great grandchildren and died alone...

He died alone in a hospital bed after spending three day in the hospital... Yeah, we can all say that because of COVID-19 no one would have been able to visit him anyway, but we could have called him, and my mom was a nurse for 40 years, she would have gowned up and sat with him. She would have been allowed that because of her training and understanding. She knew the safety measures and she knows the procedures. The fact is he died alone because no one told her that he was in the hospital.....it was needless...

When he died my uncle called me... My uncle though when I was younger he was wonderful has seemed to fall right into the families patterns of narcissism and I found the conversation horrible... My grandmother hasn't said two words to me in 4 years. I was the one chosen to deliver the news though.. I called my mother and told her. When she called them to find out what was going on my uncle told her to talk to their lawyer and hung up on her...

It was an ugly and disgusting situation.. We don't know about a funeral, we dont know anything. At the end of the day though my grandfather is dead... and all I have left are the memories of happier times when I was younger... It is amazing how dark the future can become...

My step mother is a beacon of positive energies who the future always seems bright. That is rare though, for many the future is dark. I am reminded of the Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allen Poe.. The dying days of a once beautiful and incredible family. Growing up the signs of narcissism were there.. but in recent years they have amplified to a point that they are destructive to any who would be cursed enough to cross them.

I remember him taking me mini golfing.. I remember doing puzzles with him.. I remember how he taught me about composting and recycling before it was cool... I remember the fun times going over there when I was younger... I remember playing video games with my brother in that giant house and I remember how he and I would go to the grocery story to get different types of fish to cook up. He loved seafood... I loved the fudgecicles he always bought for me when I went over.

I remember my last conversation with him... It seems he was gifted with the energies his mother, my great grandmother, the family witch had... He knew he was going to die. I said, I was looking forward to the next time we talk... He said.. "There won't be another time, I hope you have a wonderful life."

He was right, he has passed... Away from the abuse and the nightmare... I though am left with a lot to sort through. There was no final goodbye, there was 3 years of broken conversations that usually ended with him hanging up so he wouldn't get caught.... With my Oma we all assembled to her room and sat with her... we all said our goodbyes, then for 4 days untill her death my step mom would go and visit her and talk to her for an hour before putting on her favourite show for her before she left. My Oma died as soon as her favourite show ended... It was a peaceful death where she knew she was loved....

I will be quiet for a bit. I will be a bit reclusive. I need some time. I need to sort through this and I need to begin the process of releasing this to heal it all. Work will still be done. Emails will still be answers and I have posts that I still plan on posting but I personally will be taking some time to process this.

Rest in Peace my Grandfather... I know you are in a better place...
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Kiku
Posts: 617
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Patron Deities: Freya, Loki, Set, Anubis
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I am very sorry for your loss, Akelta. Take the time you need to grief. We will always be here for you! Sending lots of love and support to you!
Gauche
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Take as long as you need. I'm sorry to hear of such bad news. It seems the worst things tend to happen at the worst times :(
Just imagine a desperate scream from far away;You can't hear what its saying but you know whats about to happen and its going to be really...painful

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Mist
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Akelta,

Mere words are not enough to convey how deeply sorry I am for you and your family - you have my most sincere condolences. Your grandfather sounds like a wonderful man. If you can, try to conitnue remembering the good times. The smiles. The laughter. The love.

I have written and deleted many sentiments, because I don't know what to say to bring you comfort. Please know that me and my family are here if there is some kind of support that we can offer you.

Take your time and know that you are appreciated and loved.
I threw myself to the wolves, only to learn of the tenderness of their howl, and the loyalty in their blood. ~Isra Al-Thibeh

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Aprophis
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I'm sorry for your loss.
It's hard to not be able to say goodbye to someone you love, so I'm also sorry that that side of your family sucks so much that they didn't even give you a chance to.
Take as long as you need to.
Two Roads diverged in a yellow Wood and I took both, for I am Quantum.
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Darth Moronius
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my condolence for the loss :hug:
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Ulala
Posts: 220
Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2020 1:04 am
Patron Deities: Anubis,Hades, Set, Lilith,Santa Muerte
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I’m so sorry for your loss! :hug: Take as much time as you need
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Kore Serpens
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Patron Deities: Satan, Lilith, Sonnelion, Azazel, Kali ma, Belial
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I relate to this on so many levels. I love your spirit Akelta. And I know how deeply these things can affect us. And that they cannot be allowed to hang on nor dismissed or ignored as they will go undercover and will find a way to erupt later on and within others. I’m glad you’re taking this time to take care of yourself and your family. I am so glad you’re not alone and you have support, both spiritual and physical.

You’ll be back when you’re ready and we will all be here waiting.

I also, totally believe, that you will come back stronger then ever. These things are like the burning of the forest. And while the forest floor is covered in ashes... the burnt remains that we weep over ... still, life remains, and new life is given birth too.

Dark blessings and giant hugs.
"Good morning. ( level stare) I see the assassins have failed….”

”In the end it doesn't matter who or what you are - only that you've been embraced by all that you've become ... "
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guesswho
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I am so sorry, Akelta. :hug: Thank you for making the time to post and share your sadness with the members of the Satan and Suns community. Your strength is respected and your openness is appreciated. :hug:
This is why the Mantis Shrimp is my new favorite animal,
because in the presence of such extraordinary light and beauty it embraces

DARKNESS,
It extols DEATH with the luminescent brilliance of a
DYING STAR

. . . The Mantis Shrimp is the harbinger of blood-soaked rainbows


- The Oatmeal
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SerenitySpells
Posts: 593
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Patron Deities: Hades, Haagenti, Oriax, Morrigan,
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My heart goes out to you and your mum. I still live what you went through, I know the pain it causes.

Take all the time you need, it is so important you begin the first steps towards self healing. We all love you and you have a family here that stands besides you and are holding your hand x

If you need anything from us please reach out, we will not let you down xxx
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“One cannot step twice in the same river” – Heraclitus

“The unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates
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