). It sometimes bothers me a little how easily people accept random feelings and emotions as genuine part of their "self" without ever questioning them selves, explaining everything with mere logic not always beneficial. But I felt an actual story, based on true events might serve better as a some kind of reference point, than just yet another "advice". A reference point of what is actually possible, an actually happens from time to time somewhere to somebody (obviously if you chose to believe any of it).I think it's extremely unlikely that anyone around would get him/her self in exact same situation. I just have a knack for getting my self in danger (sometimes "danger" may be a slight understatement, more like shoving my head in between lion's jaws and lighting a match under his testicles, yup about right). Or just stroll in to the middle some battlefield wearing just slippers and beach shorts and waving half empty bottle of whiskey, and then.. I Improvise.
Can't be helped, it's the nature of my being. I'm naturally drawn to "problems", or problematic places and all kind of wicked infestations. 
Even thought I'd like to believe I'm quite a good notch more experienced and less reckless these days (compared to more than decade ago when fallowing story happened), I still find my self in not-the-most-convenient places and situations from time to time.I think I should start by explaining some of my terminology.
Giants - is something much greater than just an individual. Be it a construct the size of agregore, cult or an entity harvesting and harnessing energies on an industrial scale. Can be many different things, different flavors. I tend to be vague with my wording and keep things simple "meh it's huge - it's giant".
Reality - is what I call everything that encompass individual environment, inner and outer. Everything that houses your mind, soul and body. All your believes, experiences, knowledge. What you think you know, where you believe you came from and where you think you are going. What drives you and what you drive. All that matters to you in one way or another makes the whole of your/his/hers reality. Individual reality, collective reality. Different realities can overlap here and there, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Here is short example: John is a Christian republican working in wall street, Mohamed is Muslim democrat and as well earns his living trading in wall street, but Saeed is Muslim democrat that makes living driving cab in San Francisco - see, each of them live in different reality those overlap here and there. So I kind of able to walk almost freely through different realities, to enter (to accept ideas and believes even if those might seem complete nonsense) and exit (wrap it up and bin it and move on) if I feel the need or just out of boredom.
So there I was strolling around the internet, roughly a decade ago, maybe more. When I stumbled upon some very strange and interesting cult (I cannot give any names or other incriminating details for legal reason, to avoid any possible, even if fairly unlikely, legal action against Akelta Enterprises, because that cult is somewhat still active so better be safe than sorry). Their stories were so crazy they were actually interesting, entire alternate reality. It had new age flavor at first, but when I dived deeper in to it, all their believes and teachings were getting very bizarre. On the surface of it it kind of made sense, even if some kind of very twisted sense, but they seemed to have logical explanations for everything, for every crazy idea they were preaching. I did enjoy the ride through their reality at first, all the fascinating out of this world stories, I was really swimming in all of it for days and having good fun. But eventually that initial excitement of finding something new and unique wore off and I began noticing some cracks and inconsistencies in what they preach. I do like to look for external parallels to all truths I come across. For example, if someone tells me "the Earth is flat", I might be like "OK, fair enough, it could be if you say so. I never seen it from outside the Earth to know for sure. But wait a second, hmm, what are the chances? How many other planets are flat? I can't see Earth, but I am able to see other planets.. And hey, guess what, I don't see any other flat planets around, well ain't that a surprise?.."
So at some point I began to question some things, began asking questions "you say this, but then how do you explain this and that contradiction?" etc. At first they were responding very positively, and tried their best to educate me on higher vibrations and divine designs of our shared world etc. But my questions were getting more and more annoying it seems and maybe even opened some "cracks of doubt" within their community. I just felt we had some kind of open communication channel, a connection until one day it was abruptly and without warning cut off. It all went completely dark, dead silence. They didn't answer my questions, they cut all forms of communication with me. I thought that was a little weird and unexpected, because I was sure I was very polite and didn't show any aggression. Up until that moment I believed them to be just another new age cult like so many others with some crazy ideas about the world. There was no indication to even suspect anything else beyond that. But soon after I got to experience first hand the shadow side of it, that was not visible, and I'd guess those guys them selves probably not really aware of it.
So they just cut me off and I felt like all doors and windows were shut for me, just silence. Which was fine, I was having fun time, but I can find some something else to play with, so I was not crying in the pillow over it.
Maybe couple days later, one very usual morning I woke up not really feeling my usual self. To say I felt amazing would be gross understatement. I felt like floating in the clouds, in a state of bliss, complete happiness, some heavenly unconditional love for all and to everything and everyone. I felt happy to the very core. The whole world seemed like the most beautiful place in the universe, and all the people are amazing, and I just loved being alive. I tried drugs a handful of times in my teenage years, none of those comes close to that state of emotional bliss and happiness. I went to work and I never felt happier in my life sitting there slicing PCB boards and assembling those sensors, everything felt so meaningful and fulfilling, I just felt love to that meaningless job I was doing at that time and so much so, I could barely hold my self down not dancing and singing. Really, true story.
My mind was somewhat sober and kept telling me "this is obviously not normal, it's crazy" but the feelings were just so intoxicating I didn't want to let go. Well at least not for that day. But because feelings like that, were so unnatural to me, it didn't take much effort to realize those are not coming from within, so I was more like enjoying the ride for a while, knowingly, and knowing I will wake my self out of it later that day. Which I did, later that evening I just sat down and "shook it all off" like a goose shakes water off it's feathers and I was back to normal. I thought maybe they, or whoever was behind them, tried to bribe me in such very unexpected and very interesting way, and since I'm not interested, it will end at that. But I was wrong.
Second wave came with emotions I was familiar with, so I didn't even noticed how or when those slowly creped up on me. One moment I was in a state of heavenly bliss, an hour later back to normal and few more hours later, just before midnight of that day I was trying to decide the best way to commit suicide.. Just when I was actually thinking "yes, my life is pointless, and I hate this world and hate being here. I have to get out of here now.." I somehow snapped out of it (or maybe someone slapped me out of it). I remember sitting there for few moments in complete mental silence trying to get a grip of my self and spinning through my head days events trying to figure out how did I get to this edge of the cliff for no reason at all and with no logical explanation. Only then I realized nothing is over yet, they(it) are just staring..
For the next few days I was actively focusing on keeping my "emotional integrity". I could feel some wicked force trying to tear me up, to find some opening to creep in and wreck havoc. I felt like my shields, if I had any were swept away in a blink of an eye, my armour was shattered effortlessly and I'm now tanking with my bare bone emotional/psychilogical structure (if I may use gaming terminology). Restoring my self from "memory banks" (last known stable version) and with sheer will alone keeping it in that somewhat "stable state". And when that force couldn't break me, it went wrecking havoc on my environment, on my family. I felt like I was standing in the eye of the storm. House I lived in at that time descended in to chaos, people began arguing and fighting viciously on daily basis, over minor things. My sister began having nightmares. I lost my job within weeks, and soon after my landlord decided to kick everyone, including me, out of the house. Some close family bonds got very close to breaking. And the list goes on and on. I was forced to move to another town and life there was so rough I had multiple injuries in just first couple months. My physical health was severely damaged. And in general I was "flying very low", everything felt wrong, I was in the wrong place. My pathways were completely messed up. And it took me at least half year to force my self back on track or at least very close to were I was, in all aspects - financially, physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. I think even my guides were pissed off at me for getting my self in to that mess and forcing them to work overtime to try and repair all damage, at least to some extent. But we managed to recover and we've learned a great deal from that experience.
So yup, emotions can be dangerous, be careful with those
Apologies for such long post. I tried my best to keep it short. It's hard to squeeze events on one year (give or take) in a single post.
