Doubts and scepticism

Questions and Answers for where to begin on the Darker Spiritual Paths.

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user2774653a
Posts: 92
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:25 pm
Patron Deities: Lord Leviathan
Your favourite Demon?: Azazel, Belial, Leviathan
Number of Demon Familiars: 2
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People i dunno what happens with me last few days. Im still communicating with demons via ennchs and feel our relationship on positive way, but i cant get rid of doubts about it, and also i got some insomnia, sleeping barely few hours per day and feeling really exhausted.
And yesterday in the evening my friend who worships christian god scared me badly with some stories of ppl who followed our path and communicatinf with demons. He told me im going to suffer sooner or later, that demons are only lieing to me and preparing to take my soul and sanity, even life, and he threaten me with exorcism!!
After that i finished our chat abd didnt sleep WHOLE NIGHT in terrible sense of panic and anxiety. I was shielding myself, but it didnt help, asked Belial for help, but he didnt respond on any way, i was crying whole night in the bed and today im out of myself completely...
I really dont wanna believe that they lie to me, but his stories were so convincing i cant stop to see myself in it and panic.
Also i scare that Belial is going to become mad bcs my doubts and really do some harm to me. And i dunno where from all this insomnia last few days... i never had it in my life! And guy in one of these terrific stories startes his horror episode EXACTLY with insomnia!

Guys i need help, its serious! 😐😐 I feel i ll go mad, and at the same time i dont wanna lose my Belial and few more demons i adore. I like thia path! What to do?
...Knowledge is a journey, not a destination...
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User1265455
Posts: 1045
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2012 1:28 pm
Patron Deities: Paimon, Asmoday, Leviathan, Azazel, Amducius
Your favourite Demon?: Paimon
Number of Demon Familiars: 12
Location: Southeastern Missouri
Has thanked: 156 times
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Annabelle - most Christians have never seen a demon, or worked with one. They have all these scary stories that they're taught by their priests, but no ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.

You have actual experience. What does your experience tell you?

Your friend is afraid. You can let his fear control you, let his faith guide you into that fear... or you can let your own faith guide you out.
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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Shifa
Posts: 1262
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2016 10:12 am
Patron Deities: Ceiling Cat
Your favourite Demon?: Basement Cat
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People fear what they don’t understand.
Scary stories are used to try to control you.

There are mentally ill people and criminals who have done bad things with the excuse of Satanism, but they do not represent the rest of the followers.
Fall into the depths of nothingness beyond the dark
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user2774653a
Posts: 92
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:25 pm
Patron Deities: Lord Leviathan
Your favourite Demon?: Azazel, Belial, Leviathan
Number of Demon Familiars: 2
Has thanked: 47 times
Been thanked: 5 times

Ok, but one story was about guy who started to communicate with demons, made companions and even got succubus. He had fun but with time he realized they r turning against him. He wrote they wanted more and more from him, his whole attention, some sacrifices which he didnt wanna do bcs he didnt wanna harm other beings, and if he wouldnt give them that they would abuse him on such cruel ways he SHOULD do it at the end. :devilshock: And then he started to hurt people, animals, he killed man and finished in jail, then he decided to turn back to christianity but his demons went completely mad at it and almost haunted life out of him, but "Jesus saved him one night" when they were about to kill him (sleep deprivation).
Ok,he told he was communicating with them mostly to achieve something and get some supernatural abilities, so maybe they harrassed him bcs of that (they felt used by him, like dolls or something), but problem is i also asked my patron to help me with some things. Ok, im offering him friendship too, love and confidence, and i always, after i ask something tell him: "If this is your will, help me with it.", but what if he doesnt like it?
Wy am i sleeping so bad last few nights without any outside reason? And i didnt feel any fear especially not from "my" patron, Lord Belial before... Why i cant asleep anymore? I feel really bad already, and after that horror he gave me to read yesterday i literary spent whole night in tears and asking hundreds of questions my patron. And the most scary thing is - he didnt answer me this time! (Usually he answers me through my mind, like some "extra" thoughts i get, and i feel is positive energy. Now he was silent like he doesnt wanna be my friend anymore... :(
Maybe he started to ignore me because i suspected that he sleep depraving me! :devilshock:
I feel so terrible for even thinking about him like that, he gave me so much love and positive energy before... But why this insomnia, why ignoring? Also, my friend today doesnt even answer at my messages anymore and i told him he scared the sh*t out of me last night and that its really rude from him... He was always answering before. What if... i mean, i dont wanna even THINK about terrible thing which came through my head right now.
Going to talk with Belial now again through ennch (how we always used to talk). I dont wanna believe that he is actually evil and liar, i love him too much. :(
...Knowledge is a journey, not a destination...
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Shifa
Posts: 1262
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2016 10:12 am
Patron Deities: Ceiling Cat
Your favourite Demon?: Basement Cat
Has thanked: 47 times
Been thanked: 81 times

Your “friend” isn’t much of a friend.
He is trying to scare you with rumors.
You’re stressing yourself out too much, which may be causing the insomnia and communication blocks.
Slow down, take a breath, do some fun stuff and find some laughter in your life.
Decide how you want to live your life and don’t worry so much what other people think.
Fall into the depths of nothingness beyond the dark
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user2774653a
Posts: 92
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:25 pm
Patron Deities: Lord Leviathan
Your favourite Demon?: Azazel, Belial, Leviathan
Number of Demon Familiars: 2
Has thanked: 47 times
Been thanked: 5 times

Yeah, seems i reacted oversensitive yesterday. I knew for such testimony's even before, but yesterday it really came at wrong time. :crazy: Also this insomnia drives me crazy, i m losing nerves really easy. And i have so many basic questions to ask and big will to find the answers. Christianity didnt give me appropriate answer to anything, and this here seems much more promising. So im still trying... :devilread:
Just please can you or somebody else tell me how to clear your head from ANY thought? Im thinking too much, waaay way too much...
...Knowledge is a journey, not a destination...
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User1265455
Posts: 1045
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2012 1:28 pm
Patron Deities: Paimon, Asmoday, Leviathan, Azazel, Amducius
Your favourite Demon?: Paimon
Number of Demon Familiars: 12
Location: Southeastern Missouri
Has thanked: 156 times
Been thanked: 301 times

This is an exercise from A Grimoire of Shadows by Ed Fitch.
Thought Discipline.

1) Observe your train of thought for five minutes while you let your mind drift. Try to retain the whole series of thoughts and replay it afterwards. Record your progress in a notebook.

2) Hold one thought, and one only, for ten minutes. Record progress in your notebook.

3) Keep your mind perfectly blank for ten minutes. Record progress in your notebook.

Practice all of the above until you have completely mastered them.
You're not expected to be perfect the first time you try this, or even the 20th... but the key here is to PRACTICE IT. The more you practice, the better you will get.
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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User avatar
Shifa
Posts: 1262
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2016 10:12 am
Patron Deities: Ceiling Cat
Your favourite Demon?: Basement Cat
Has thanked: 47 times
Been thanked: 81 times

I’d suggest arts and crafts ... coloring is fun. Or puzzles, games.
Also taking a walk outside.
Look up funny stuff on the internet or watch a funny movie.
Take a break from the spiritual stuff for a little bit.
Fall into the depths of nothingness beyond the dark
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User avatar
user2774653a
Posts: 92
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:25 pm
Patron Deities: Lord Leviathan
Your favourite Demon?: Azazel, Belial, Leviathan
Number of Demon Familiars: 2
Has thanked: 47 times
Been thanked: 5 times

Nicto and Loka thanks for the tips! :)
About that mind flow... im sure i will record more then 1 million thoughts in the first exercise, so maybe in future i increase even my memory capability by retaining and replaying them, to maximum for human being! :crazy: :devilgrin:
...Knowledge is a journey, not a destination...
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User avatar
Shifa
Posts: 1262
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2016 10:12 am
Patron Deities: Ceiling Cat
Your favourite Demon?: Basement Cat
Has thanked: 47 times
Been thanked: 81 times

If you want something funny, look up “grumpy cat Christmas memes.”
Of course, Grumpy Cat is funny any time of the year. Lol
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