I get the on the twisted Ferris wheel, the darkness thickening and descending over the carnival as it goes faster and faster. It is a whirl of madness where reality seems to distorted, the barriers between worlds absent. It stops suddenly at the top and my breath almost leaves me as I stare down at the blackness below with only the briefest glimpses of bio-luminous light flitting in and out among the shadows of things moving around. The wheel descends and I get off. A tall mutilated demon strides past, his movements jerky, his body and face a twisted monstrous form. The flesh over his face is ridged and almost bisected into two rounded masses just above his nose. He scents the air as he stalks by. He doesn't even pause, his gait, while disturbing with his disjointed movements, is quick. I duck behind a tent with Ryn and freeze when a clown with an almost lion line face, its mouth filled with massive sharp teeth snarls, it's head whipping from right to left. For a moment I wonder if he sees me but he moves on, snarling. I move away from the tent and I see the snake charmer move by. She has shifted further, now she has melded completely with her snake, her body undulating, the top of her head forming a massive hood. She has no visible eyes and her mouth opens wide, her tongue snaking out from between the long fangs that descend. She shrieks before moving past, striking for her victim.
I keep moving, keeping to the shadows. There are so many strange creatures within the darkness and tentacles burst from tents to drag in unassuming prey with crunches and audible sprays of blood. There is something on the ground that catches my attention. It is pretty but also a bit disturbing because its shape makes me think of a massive tick burrowed into flesh as the front part seems to disappear under the ground, leaving only the swollen abdomen visible though there are several legs clinging to the ground around it. It glows a bright greenish yellow and is rather pretty with the striations of metallic silver that incase the non-luminous parts of its body. I consider approaching it for a closer look but jump when several very thin tentacles suddenly erupt from the ground as a creature passes by it drags them screaming into the earth to be devoured. As pretty as it , I'm glad that I kept my distance.
I hurry away from it but a female suddenly rises from the ground nearby. Her torso looks almost humanoid though there are several small spines that stud her flesh along the slope of her collar and on her shoulders. Her breasts are small and bare and she has an elegant neck and the shape of her lower face is beautiful, though when her mouth opens the long tongue that extends beyond large, predatory teeth give me a pause and my gaze travels up to the thick horns that jut from the top of her head seems to start from where h er eyes would have been so that that the whole top half of her head is a boney mass. She hisses and emerges higher and I can see that from the pelvis down she stops behind humanoid or remotely demonic in appearance. Instead of legs her torso terminates in the bulbous body of something like a horned beetle with the upraised massive ridge running down the back but also bearing some resemblance to a roach. She springs upon her prey, her forelegs shredding him. The anterior end of her insectoid body opening to spill her eggs and she breeds. Once she has what she desires, she devours him and moves away.
I make for another shadowy spot and startle when another moan meets my ears. A large leathery flowers lifts its head right in from out of me. For some reason I can clearly make out its coloring. It is white and speckled with orange spots, the flower itself shaped almost like a cross between a trumpet flower and a pitcher plant. It doesn't attack me. It is one of my flowers though it has been warped. It's heart shaped leaves surround me gently, protectively. The leaves are soaked with blood and I look down to see another of the flowers devouring one of the creatures. Ryn and I are safe there and I give the flower a gentle pat. I need to explore further though tit's good to know that there are safe places where I can retreat.
I move on further and nearly scream when something skeletal reaches out from me with black goo dripping from it. It is a demon and its flesh has nearly melted away altogether as it has become fused to some sort of structure. Door strings of this goo lift from the surface and streak out for me but Ryn and I quickly move out of reach and hurry away. There are more demons who have become fused to stationary things in odd ways. What was once a treat stand is a now a monstrous thing, fused with a demon whose mouth is open as if caught in an eternal scream or like a hungry chick waiting to be fed. Its body produces the treats that spurt from the fleshy mass onto the shelves, but they are no longer appetizing. They have the familiar look and scent but there is a sickly putrid layer to it and I know that this is the lure for its prey. I avoid it and several pale demons with gaunt, twisted naked white bodies dancing wildly as the seem to hunt in a pack, but I come to a stumbling halt when a demon bursts from the shadow, its body a mass of bony protrusions around which its flesh has twisted. It appears to be wearing a metal cage over its head but when it comes closer I notice that is not what it is , it is a cage of bones that snape open to enclose violently around prey as it hunts and feeds.
I quicken my pace to get away from it and I am back again at the flesh wheel. Its glowing eye blazes down at me and then I find the dolls eye, the next clue which I return to Matador.
I do the meditation twice. And still have struggles "sinking in". The second time, I realize this might be because the Nightmare Carnivale has really superimposed itself on my life. I'm already sunk in. There's nowhere further to go, I am there.
I give a repeat mantra to Matador: " why don't you go check out the Flesh Wheel?" Again, he already knows I will proceed.
I feel very little motion while the Flesh Wheel moves, as if I'm just picked up and then placed elsewhere. With the red eye watching me strangely the whole time.
Both times I did the meditation, I saw very few creatures although I could hear them and saw blurred shapes pass here and there. The nightmare is the blandness of the whole situation. It's myself and how numb I've become. Dissociated and disconnected.
Time just goes on and on. I almost can't stand waiting for the end and can barely manage to keep walking. There's something I'm supposed to see, a promise made. I keep trudging and finally it's done, the energies lift, the creatures come into view again.
I see it, near the Wheel. The doll's eye...mysterious and carrying information. I hand it to Matador and find myself home.
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