Satan and Suns

In this second meditation, I began my journey at the carnival gates. The tent where the Lord of the Carnivale gave me my carnivale name was still up right outside of the gates. I turned left and soon was swallowed by dim lights, and just as darkness fully consumed my sight, I saw a green light emanating from a tent. As I opened the curtain, I said, "hello" and saw an elderly woman sitting across the table. She wore a pointed witch hat decorated in creases, folds, and sparkling jewels. Her hands were equally decorated, every finger wearing at least one ring. I sat across from her and was introducing myself with my carnivale name when she held a hand up at me, telling me to stop. I suppose she already knew my name. From the tarot cards she drew, she held up one.
The dark blue text was blurry and hard to read, but judging from the dark blue color, I assume my carnival essence is the Illusionist.
As I was exiting the meditation, I was headed towards the gate threshold. As soon as the warm light of the carnival was visible, I saw Madator greet me back from the fortune teller's tent. He smiled and waved and made sure I made it to the threshold. I smiled in thanks, and made it back to the physical realm.

I am a rule breaker. So I tried this one a little differently. I felt called to skip reading the roles beforehand and instead, asked to receive a color. And now I will match up the color I saw with the closest role title text color. It was an electric, yellowish green.

I could line this up with the contortionist or the ventriloquist. The contortionist fits my general vibe and personality. I've always been very introspective, but not really one to take action. This color is also closer to what I saw in the tent. But I felt drawn to the ventriloquist when I looked at the list. Perhaps I'm being called to take more agency in my own life. This lines up with themes that have been appearing in my Qlippothic initiations.

Having two roles would actually be weirdly appropriate. Gamaliel revealed to me that my spiritual self/soul essence is kind of two separate entities. So perhaps the adult dragon gets The Ventriloquist and the hatchling/whelp gets The Contortionist. They are meant to copilot my life, but the more earthly hatchling has taken complete control and pushed her care figure out. Perhaps it is time for her to focus on healing and introspection and let Momma dragon make the big decisions.

Last year I got clown. And if I did this the instructed way, I would probably just get clown again. I love clowns so much that I would read the word and not be able to stop thinking about them all meditation. Perhaps that's a reflection of my soul essence.

Again my inner child told me my role before we even were half way down the trail.

"Jester/Joker" she said, over and over and over again. Even when I told her there was no officialy Joker roll.

"He's a clown, I'm a clown." She confirmed, and I nodded and walked along with her, into the tent, where she looked at the medallion and once again stated.

"Jester/Joker."

"Good eye child." Madam said, and I felt my inner child pull me home. Her costume went from black to purple and yellow and I smiled in glee.

Finding my carnivale essence was amazing because I got to become more connected with the carnival. It was a vision of descending within me into the darkness where I met Madam Orna. All was dark and unforeseen with her; at first, I didn't see her, but the darkness was full of her presence, and I could hear her whispers within the eerie darkness, revealing to me the many whispers, stories forgotten, and the many voices darkness conceals. I was trying to figure out all this and what it was, not until I got the vision within my soul with joy – my dark carnivale essence being the fortune teller.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Madam Orna’s tent appeared to me as a small, striped, cylindrical tent that glowed a soft purple, magenta, red, and white from the inside. when i stepped inside, i was greeted with the scent of burning dragons blood and lavender incense, and the warmth of what seemed to be dozens of candles burning. soft silks, organza, and lace in shades of purple and black draped around the tent, illuminated by glowing black lanterns. i sat down timidly, simultaneously comforted and intimidated by Madam Orna’s presence. i greeted her with a smile and nod, and proceeded to receive my essence.

on the card was a black and white, tea stained vintage illustration of a woman on an aerial moon, wearing a sparkling white leotard adorned with sequins, feathers, and long white strips of organza meant to dance around her as she did her routine. the Roman numerals on top read ccxxii - 222 (happens to be my lucky sychronicity). this, to me, was immediately recognizable as the Aerialist. Madam Orna pushed the card towards me, and i felt called to pick it up - i did. the card started to shimmer with a golden and pink sheen, and i flipped the card over to see the design on the back again, but instead, it was another card. the same woman was dancing on the same moon as the “front” of the card, but the top read dclxvi now - 666. it shimmered with a purple sheen this time, and even though i had a gut feeling that this was the acrobat card, i looked at the list of essences after my meditation and realized that the Acrobat essence was coloured purple - this had to be it.

i was initially confused - i knew from reading the descriptions earlier that i would likely see aerialist, acrobat, clown, or seer, but not two. but i trust that Madam Orna showed me exactly what i needed to see - so i thanked her softly for her time, and left her tent.

i resonate deeply with the essences given to me. i feel much more connected to the Aerialist as i refuse to be tied down, i fly free on my own accord (especially if i start to feel like a person/place is hindering my growth), and let my creativity lead me to magnificent places. however, i do like occasional stability, and have a (primarily) pink aura that reflects my playfulness - which is likely why i saw the Acrobat second. i am also at a point in my life where i am evolving into a trailblazer after spending so many years of my life seemingly watching my own life pass me by while i sat in the sidelines (yes, ethel cain reference indeed). this meditation truly made me reflect on my growth as a person, thank you to the Carnivale and Madam Orna for seeing me for who i was, who i am, and who i am becoming.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The Seer

Hello! I couldn’t post until now, but I originally got the seer. I had expected performer or ring leader as they were the two I thought were likely in the beginning, but as the meditation session progressed I was assigned The Seer, which still felt right. I was happy to engage and the experience was pleasant.