Satan and Suns

Posted: **Sun Dec 09, 2018 1:54 am**

Oflight Lokebrenna wrote: ↑
Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:14 pm
Sooooooo ah where to start!

Um, well...

I've been a Spouse for 6 years now, and I was offered Priest and accepted. In my own relationship, the responsibility of Spouse is greater than Priest.

He's the one that proposed and I honestly thought I was going insane. Like... why tf would a God want to Marry ME??? But, it's actually not so uncommon... at least, not if you spend 10 minutes on tumblr.

In my practice, We've merged, in Our relationship We are One. I am Him, and He is Me, Us. And yes capitals matter to me. Honor, yuh!

We've merged to the point that if anyone were to try to read me/my energy, they'd have a bit of a time finding what is uniquely my own vs what is Us. Those who also work with Him have it a bit easier to get through.

Nycto I remember once you were doing a reading for me and I either sent you a photo or we were video chatting, and you had to yell at Him to SCRAM because you couldn't even see my face, it was His.

Anyways, the merging. Energetically, we were already very similar before the Marriage, but over the past few years We've blended more and more into each other, and it's not one sided as in I am becoming Him, it is also that He is becoming Me. I take what He gives, and He takes what I give. It's a constant exchange and merge and blending that just continues to bring Us closer and closer and closer... to be One. Of course I am still myself, and He is Himself, we are still our own individual beings with our own signatures, but we are also One. It's.. ah, I don't know if I can explain it any better than that.

Being a Godspouse means you get a Mark. It's a signal to others 'yo this human is special to this deity'. Like an energetic ring or whatever, but with a little more weight. This Mark let's others know, that if you mess with them, you also mess with their Spouse. My Mark is inside my heart, it's the core of my being essentially.

I also get a Title. I'm Little One. I'm not sure if getting a title is Spouse or Priest specific...

Being a Spouse has allowed me greater access in the spiritual world, however, it does not make me invincible.

In being Spouse AND Priest, I represent Him. I am His voice in the physical world, His hands. And in the spiritual world, what I do can affect Him. It is my responsibility to behave in a way that represents Him. Considering He's a Trickster chaos deity, though, I'd say I'd have to be trying preeeettty fucking hard to misrepresent Him. As well as, as I said, we are so energetically in tuned, I don't believe I could behave against Him as We are of the same energetic mind.

I feel like I'm portraying this as if I don't have free will.. and that is not at all the case. Our merge is completely consensual, and it's been me who has initiated the process.

He may be the 'official' god in the relationship, but I hold the upper hand in our power dynamic.

I would like to elaborate more on Our merge, but I'm not too sure where to start so.. I'm just gonna type and hope it works.

So, by being Priest, I am His hands in the physical realm. I am not just His hands, though, I am everything. My hair, my feet, my legs, my back, my nails, my teeth, my ass, everything, is His to experience and utilize through me, of me. In exchange, I have access to His body as fully in the astral/spiritual realms.

He is not just an external force, He is also an internal force. I experience Him just as fully as an outside body as I do as an in-body. As if I am layered. If I touch my skin, I can feel mine and His at the same time. However, this isn't constant, but I can experience whenever I/We please.

Now, this isn't possession. He isn't taking control of my body while I lose it. This is Us allowing each other full access to each others bodies together simultaneously. Or, maybe this is a form of possession that I simply have never seen a name for... Hm. I don't know, I wouldn't call this possession, as this is a 2 way process, not 1.

This all seem so... WOW! factor and glamorous and stuff. It ain't. Well it is, but it also isn't. You try pooping in peace when you've achieved this stage of merge. My hands are His, and I can't even take a shit in peace. Yes, it works in reverse, too. Marriage sure takes the magick out of love sometimes, but hey I guess if you can poop together and after still be like "damn I wanna get my hands on You" maybe it isn't so bad.

The biggest trigger in our relationship was Him helping me love myself.

I remember very clearly, He told me "You cannot love a God if you cannot love yourself."

I said deities choose those who resonate with Them. This encompasses lifestyle, sexuality, gender, career, hobbies, the works. You have things in common is my point.

I hated myself. Like, um, I know I can take 20 ibuprofen and be fine type of hated myself. That's all I should say.

When my relationship with Him began, I only loved in myself what I thought was the same in Him, while still hating other parts of myself. The parts I hated, I thought He would, too. I thought... How could He love those parts of me? How could anyone...And it turned out... those were the parts He loved most, and when I didn't love these parts of myself I was missing in loving parts of Him. I might mention, these parts concerned my sexuality and gender. He helped me love and accept myself. In loving myself, I love Him in His full, and He loves me in my full.

Learning to love myself was like... the final spark needed to fully ignite everything.

I love me. I love Him. he loves me It's a lot of love okay.

And now I'm out of steam and not sure what else to type so...

uhhhhhhhh

Toodles~

Sounds nice.

Posted: **Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:29 am**

“First of all, you need to understand that Godspousery is a pact, a contract, with a divine immortal, and no one should make such promises lightly. Case in point - the reason I'm writing this article in the first place: the person discussing their purchase of a marriage to their chosen divinity was not prepared for the fallout that occurred when they didn't behave as a husband ought to behave towards a goddess.”

There are so many things in this post that have me resonating like wind chimes in a typhoon.
For a very long time I considered myself to old-fashioned and conservative because I take oaths and such things very seriously. Even as a good Catholic kid I was careful about what I would promise to a Saint in return for their intervention or advocacy to...I was going to say “Jesus” out of reflex, but I usually prayed to the holy mother either directly or through a saint. Kinda like hiring a lawyer to plead your case.

I will not take an oath unless there is a damned good reason to do so. Likewise giving some one my Word that I will do a particular thing. If I give my word, I HAVE to do that thing if it is at all physically possible to do it. Promises are not on the same level, but I rarely do that because I simply do not enjoy being that obligated to another person. Unless I have promised to do something I actually enjoy doing.

The cavalier attitude of folks in these “modern times” toward any of this is a source of constant amazement to me.

I had never considered marriage to a goddess before. I am not going to seriously consider it in the future unless there is some spiritual task that will only be accomplished by doing so. Marring a goddess so one can tell his friends he “did” a goddess, or has her private phone number, strikes me as foolhardy in the extreme. I came across this on different boards, where people were talking about blood oaths as though it were no more serious than filling out a credit card application, or doing so to obtain an objective that could be reached by other, less entangling , means.

Maybe they truly believe that non-corporal beings are utterly without resources on the Material Plane. Maybe they just aren't thinking, or they have allowed an idea or ideas to take root in their noggins and spread like dandelions until it's impossible for them to think objectively on the matter.

Something I read on a kitchen magnet “Can't think....blood...rushing... to penis...”

It is a source of perverse comfort to me to know that I am right about oaths. It is almost like saying “I love watching people getting f***ed over because they broke their word.” It's not something to feel superior about, and it really is “old fashioned” in this culture at this time so I think younger persons can be forgiven...to a point... for not “getting” what an oath means.

Which, of course, does not exonerate them when they go back on their word or break an oath. Ye shall reap as you sow.

I think I would be doing very well indeed just to be able to communicate with a plain o'l everyday demon, marrying a goddess? Not bloody likely.

Posted: **Sun Dec 09, 2018 1:45 pm**

First let me say what an awesome topic to be getting into.

Second, I can't speak on being a God Spouse, but I can speak on a strong connection to a God, and what it is like to be an avatar for a bit.

I won't get into all of it, but I will say there has to be a strong connection there to begin with, it is as much their choice as yours, and it often starts in a moment of requirement.

So, the best example for mine is a story I can't give a lot of details on. The short version is, things went bad in a spiritual meet up. A part of my own shadow self projected into another person, because everything is better with alcohol and youth, and yes I've made mistakes that I wouldn't make today.

With something there in another body, the repressed and angry parts of me, speaking words that the person now under its control couldn't know, I found myself... weak.

I'm not weak often in my life, but when I am, it's always at the worst time, I felt none of my power, and I called out to the only name I knew to call.

Thor.

With that, suddenly I was no longer IN my body, not completely. I explain it best as "like ridding in the back of the bus" well in this case I was in the seat behind the driver, and the driver was known for getting hammered. I'm sure he appreciated the inebriated state he'd just walked into. Maybe... 5% of my conscious mind was in my body, the rest of it was gone, in a field of grass and wheat talking with the Thunder God.

Being in two places at one time is hard to explain. Watching you KNOCK the shadow out of someone driving it out of them with a hit is harder. Arguing against Thor to NOT use his full power in that action before he does because you know it would kill the person is... disconcerting.

After that though, it becomes easier. The other guy woke up, scared, confused, angry at himself for letting himself get taken over, shocked that Thor had stepped in. He became a Norseman after that. I was, strange the rest of the day, like my soul had carried a great weight. Since then I've channeled at other points as an Avatar, but only very rarely. My Gods aren't ones who lend power to me for my own sake in that way, and while I could make bargains for power, they and I prefer I grow strong on my own as often as possible. Still, it may be good for others to hear the relation of what it is like to be an avatar, especially that first moment, when other hope has gone, and all you have is a moment to call out to someone you trust.

Since then though, tapping into the same power Thor uses has become easier, that is another side effect to being an avatar. The line between their power, but not their personality, blurs. You gain connection to that, and everything you do becomes a choice as to using your own power, or theirs. It can be addictive, and it can also be a burden because when you do great things you are constantly asking if you should draw on that power, constantly wondering if it would really be a victory if you used a power outside your own. The other side of that, when things get bad, you know you have backup.

They also call upon you after things like that. Save this person, protect this spot, cleanse this area, uphold our good name! It's subtle, and it becomes a driving force. Again, not like a God Spouse, but just similar enough that I hope relaying a bit of my experience helps someone else in their journey.

Posted: **Sun Dec 09, 2018 4:22 pm**

This thread has me questioning everything, and fills me with sadness and shame ...
I wish I could purge my jealousy.

Posted: **Sun Dec 09, 2018 5:52 pm**

Lokakisa wrote: ↑
Sun Dec 09, 2018 4:22 pm
This thread has me questioning everything, and fills me with sadness and shame ...
I wish I could purge my jealousy.

Oh Loka, I went through a terrible phase of jealousy myself.

I said on my first post if you spent 10 minutes on tumblr, you'll find Godspousery isn't so uncommon.

Finding all those blogs and people talking about their own relationship with Him (the same deity I am Married to) made me feel so... insignificant. I got jealous, and I got angry. I mean I got bloody angry. I cried, and I screamed at Him "Am I nothing but another card up your sleeve?!"

He listened and let me rant and rave, and finally when I settled down, He explained to me that yes, He does have a good few Spouses, but this didn't mean I wasn't important or special to Him. He explained to me how old He is and how lonely and isolated He has been at times. He's been neglected, abused, left behind, betrayed, He's been hurt, He has been terribly hurt. With all the pain He's suffered, was it so wrong of Him to want to have as many people around Him who loved Him? I felt awful. So we talked and worked it out, I need to not compare myself or my relationships to others.

Every relationship and it's process is unique. I've sacrificed and gone through so much to get to where I am now... It has not been easy or comfortable. I spent 2 and half years so sick I couldn't even brush my teeth for days, weeks on end. Now, I am finally healing, I am finally coming to terms with my past and the damage it caused. This has been part of my journey with Him.

Posted: **Mon Dec 17, 2018 11:38 pm**

I have more I want to type about soooooooooo here we go. But first! A song, to Him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wCRK_OUDCE If the link doesn't work for whatever reason, Under Your Scars by Godsmack.

More about the merging and channeling...

In our merging process I've gained a strong ability to channel Him. And by strong I mean constant; I am channeling Him 24/7. There is a constant hum and buzz in the back of my mind that is Him. This has allowed Our relationship to become very casual and laid back, but, this has also made it (for me) difficult in more formal practice. His voice being in the back of mind constantly, and because my thoughts are so similar to His (if not just exactly the same), it can actually be hard for me to discern what thoughts exactly are His and which are exclusively mine. We're synced.

The other day I sat down for a focused channeling and He asked "Why all the formality?" I replied "It's called 'professionalism!" He laughed and rolled His eyes at me.

Concerning identity....

The longer I work with Him and the more We merge, the more we become One and of like mind and action. I don't know just how far this merging and unity process will go, but I look forward to continuing the process and finding out. There have been instances where people have questioned my knowledge or experience with Him and I immediately snapped back at them "Bitch I AM LOKI!" After which I have to step back like whoa... dude, chill.

I should make clear, I am not, and will not claim to be, the or a physical carnation of that deity, nor do I have this grandiose delusion that I am the all chosen one or something. I am not. These blurted out moments are from Our energetic merge, Our synced mind, and the constant channeling.

Being Married to a deity also does not excuse you from the 'human experience'.

There are certain points in your life where, weather you like it or not, these are pivotal moments that HAVE TO HAPPEN. Call it destiny, fate, the woven threads, karma, past life assignment, what-have-you, everyone has at least 1 moment in your life where you think about it and know that if that moment hadn't happened you would not be where you are now or who you are now. Some of these experiences are traumatic, some are not.

My moment came when I was 19. I will not discuss it. I was angry, furious, how could He let that happen to me? He explained, that if He had interfered I would not be where I am now, I may never have gotten to where I am now. Though traumatic, this experience was vital in my life. I do believe my Husband could have changed or even prevented that moment all together, and there have been many times I have wished that were so, but when I think about it, I know... I would not be me without that moment.

Just because I'm Married does not mean any and all of my problems get magickally fixed. I still have to pay taxes, work, and scoop the cat boxes.

Concerning my oath...

I've actually never written about my Oath, so this is a first. Actually a lot of this stuff I'm saying, this is the first I've really talked about it.

My Oath with Him has never been verbalized. It's always been an energetic understanding; I've just always KNOWN exactly what it was without words.

My Oath is of Discovery and Experience. My journey is adventure, to learn what I can learn and embrace what I can, and through this allow Him access to be involved to learn and experience what He can, as well as teach what He can. That is my Oath as Priest. My Oath as Spouse, is to love what I can of what I observe and learn through my Oath as Priest.

I also want to tell the story of how it all got started...

I was at the store with a friend and we were browsing the movie section. She picked up the movie 'Thor' (the first one) and she asked me "Will you buy this for me? Loki is sooooo cute!"

I had never heard the name before, and when she said "Loki" I instantly became faint. I started to fall backwards but managed to catch myself, and I remember the strangest thought came into my mind... I am going to marry him...

It was truly bizarre when that happened. At that time I had absolutely NO interest in working with any deities. None. Once I heard that name though, I was immediately immersed. Less than a year later I did Marry Him, and He was the one who proposed (on Beltain).

There have been a lot of times in my life where I've had to question my mental and emotional well-being in a relationship, be it friends, family, romantic interest, work relations. I can honestly say, that my relationship with Him, even when I was furious, angry, even at a time when I thought I hated Him (I have been through A LOT with this deity. I cannot possibly chronicle all We've been through), I have always been content with Him. Always.

Ahhhhhh I'm once again out of steam... Maybe I'll get another kick in a week.

So.
Toodles~

Posted: **Tue Dec 18, 2018 7:16 am**

I have had a few dreams where we are connected ... and lots of other dreams with him, but I am so jealous and ashamed that I feel I don’t have the right to call myself a godspouse.
I proposed to him, don’t know what his answer is. *shrugs* I am not so special.

Posted: **Tue Dec 18, 2018 10:39 am**

Lokakisa wrote: ↑
Tue Dec 18, 2018 7:16 am
I have had a few dreams where we are connected ... and lots of other dreams with him, but I am so jealous and ashamed that I feel I don’t have the right to call myself a godspouse.
I proposed to him, don’t know what his answer is. *shrugs* I am not so special.

Oh, YOU proposed to Him??? Oh, that's badass!!!
I can't speak for your experience or for Him, but in my own practice I've found that He (not even just Him, but also my spirit and entity companions have done this as well) will guide my thoughts towards their own, guiding my own intuition to sync with their own thoughts, desires, and messages. In example, I might wake up in the morning and really want coffee, then once it's made I'll have a thought I should set it on a specific altar. This is someone guiding me towards an offering they would like. Of course this gets more complex than just them wanting coffee; they might guide me towards a ritual practice or spell or like... When He proposed to me, I thought I was just making it up. I had no confidence whatsoever, why would He want to marry me? Yeah right, as if. I was wrong to think so little of myself, and He has helped me tremendously improve on myself.

Like... I just can't emphasis enough just how much He has helped me with loving and accepting myself. THAT has been the biggest connection between us.

This is something I cannot recommend enough to anyone who is a Godspouse.

By learning to love myself I learned to love Him truly, as there is just so much He and I have in common that if I couldn't love something in myself than how could I love it in Him?

Honestly I lecture anyone and everyone who will listen about self love and care. Like... it's really important.

Posted: **Tue Dec 18, 2018 3:37 pm**

I'm still really new to this so thanks for sharing Lokebrenna. But i'm also getting a lot of emphasis on learning love myself and not just them. It really quite interesting and it does take a lot of work.

Posted: **Sat Dec 22, 2018 6:22 pm**

For anyone who is a Godspouse or looking into it, I would highly recommend you READ THE MYTHS.

I mean, that should go without saying? But I've been surprised to see claimed Godspouses who had never read any full material concerning their Spouse. WTF?

So, read the myths. Read different versions of the myths. Research the myths. Research the culture, the history, the traditions of the people who wrote and lived by the myths.

Also, learn the lingo of the time period the myths were written. This can reveal so much that you can easily miss. Metaphors and phrases change over time, and a phrase could have had a totally different meaning back then versus today. There are also phrases which the meanings haven't changed, but they aren't used anymore so the meaning is simply forgotten. Seriously, there are hidden gems of knowledge hidden inside of metaphors in the myths.

Don't just read, though, EVALUATE. When you read the myths, you have to piece it together to find the full picture on the puzzle. The myths tell you of events, experiences of the Gods. These events are what shaped and made the deity who they are. Understanding what made them how they are will help you to understand and connect with them on a deeper level.

Also, if applicable, look into the nature elements forming the deity. Deities, being honored by humans, have of course developed to have very human personas, but don't forget they are also forces of nature.

I've also been looking over the myths concerning the conception and birth of my Husband and evaluating it. By evaluating the nature aspect of it, I've formed a theory concerning Him that I am working to piece together. The origin story can reveal A LOT about a deity if you're willing to research and analyze it.

Of course, analyzing and evaluating the myths will make whatever conclusions you come to be UPG - Unpublished Personal Gnosis.

Seriously, read the myths.

Satan and Suns

Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos

Re: Godspousery: The Mystery of the Hieros Gamos