Re: Places in my Dreams
Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2023 6:00 pm
This is potentially going to be long. For that, I apologize, but there are things that need to be addressed.
Sometimes people don't want to be engaged with questions just because they want to be able to speak about something without having to feel like they need to explain more.
it's fantastic that you want to engage and really show you care. You're curious and that's something that is to be celebrated. Not everyone will share your enthusiasm for sharing information, especially if they feel that it is more personal or private.
Respecting each other is about knowing when to agree to disagree, to not put others down for their beliefs or invalidate them.
Some members in other parts of the forum threads have said the same thing, but I will elaborate.
You are trying too hard. You are trying too hard and in doing so, it is coming off in a way that people are being pushed away because it makes them uncomfortable. Friends aren't immediately made or had. It takes time, not days or weeks, but months - especially on a slow moving forum like this.
For the spiritual community, as much as I love us, we are also very incredibly cautious because many of us have experienced incredibly toxic communities in general. So many are slower to trust, especially with any spiritual or life information. It just takes time. Most of those that talk in here? We've all known each other for many years, from just casual conversations through the forum and then built up into the friendships on discord where it's faster conversations.
This forum is incredibly slow.. like 10x slower than any discord or texting. You are used to fast moving conversations and this forum is only active right now because we have an event going. Once events are done - only the tenure blogs are usually active - and the rest of the forum tends to sit without much convo for weeks to months even. Some threads haven't been used since 2020 or earlier!
What my point is.. this is a slow moving forum with many members that want to make friends, but it takes time and patience to grow and learn, share information. It's about making connections. You can't force that, it's something that's going to be slow to build and work with.
People aren't ignoring you. It most likely is because some of the content that you post doesn't engage with discussion or with topics. Or if there is, it's something that is not overtly open to creating discussion (like questions). We have a lot of lurkers here that only engage because they have similar experience or share their own part. There's many reasons for engagement. For the older members, it could be that you are still very new and they don't know how to talk to you or what to say, because they haven't gotten a sense of who you are yet.
People aren't attacking you, maybe being more firm with their words or it does get into both parties feeling hurtand saying things. But what they see is that you are very quick to lash out and say hurtful things when they make boundaries or say something you do not like.. Which isn't okay and it's not fair to them to have to get the brunt of your pain and anger. And once you cool down, you try to be very apologetic and push your idea of moving past it. Not everyone can bounce back to everything is fine. Not everyone is able to move past things and keep being friends or acquaintances. Every one is going to be different. People are going to lash out and its understandable if it happens occasionally. But it's been a frequent pattern as of late.
I know that you are excited and ready to make friends and to be active, but you are doing so in a way that is hurting others and then lashing out. I am not trying to come off as mean or attacking you. In fact, I want to help you to understand things better and sometimes it's being more open and direct with what is being said.
In the beginning of the thread, Sunny mentions that they are looking to hear others experiences on this topic. Just to make that a bit more clear, there was asking for discussion if anyone had similar experiences.
Not everyone wants to be questioned and some can take that as being interrogated to some form. Everyone reads context differently and sometimes many questions can be read as curiosity and engagement, but for some that can be seen as trying grill them for more information. There are many different ways to engage and interact with people. With forums and text, it can be really hard to read what intentions someone has when engaging with others.I'm just trying to follow the golden rule and treat others how I want to be treated and help others how I'd wanna be helped. I like it when people ask me questions, it shows me they care and are interested.
Sometimes people don't want to be engaged with questions just because they want to be able to speak about something without having to feel like they need to explain more.
it's fantastic that you want to engage and really show you care. You're curious and that's something that is to be celebrated. Not everyone will share your enthusiasm for sharing information, especially if they feel that it is more personal or private.
I feel like I'm being attacked for just trying to help -_- :/
No, this is what brought me to this in the first place. Vixiery, I know that you are meaning well and want to really engage and learn from people, but weaponizing the TOS against other members is NOT okay. You are taking the TOS to a literal extreme, which I know is something that can be an autistic trait. But that doesn't mean that you can be passive aggressively threatening people with ToS. That in of itself is disrespecting other members.If you think something is harsh then you probably shouldn't post it. It came off to me as rude, harsh and insensitive.
I felt disrespected and ToS states we have to respect eachother.
Respecting each other is about knowing when to agree to disagree, to not put others down for their beliefs or invalidate them.
There are many, many people on this forum and in our community that have many different forms of neurodivergence. I understand that being autistic is hard with socializing and many of us can understand that perspective ourselves. You aren't alone in that.I'm autistic. I struggle with making friends. Especially here. I'm just so tired. I've been trying to be friendly and polite and helpful and just interact and vibe with people on this forum for months. I'm super frustrated. It makes me feel that I'm unworthy of respect, interaction, acquaitences, friends, community here on this forum. I've been comptemplating leaving this forum for awhile for those very reasons.
Some members in other parts of the forum threads have said the same thing, but I will elaborate.
You are trying too hard. You are trying too hard and in doing so, it is coming off in a way that people are being pushed away because it makes them uncomfortable. Friends aren't immediately made or had. It takes time, not days or weeks, but months - especially on a slow moving forum like this.
For the spiritual community, as much as I love us, we are also very incredibly cautious because many of us have experienced incredibly toxic communities in general. So many are slower to trust, especially with any spiritual or life information. It just takes time. Most of those that talk in here? We've all known each other for many years, from just casual conversations through the forum and then built up into the friendships on discord where it's faster conversations.
This forum is incredibly slow.. like 10x slower than any discord or texting. You are used to fast moving conversations and this forum is only active right now because we have an event going. Once events are done - only the tenure blogs are usually active - and the rest of the forum tends to sit without much convo for weeks to months even. Some threads haven't been used since 2020 or earlier!
What my point is.. this is a slow moving forum with many members that want to make friends, but it takes time and patience to grow and learn, share information. It's about making connections. You can't force that, it's something that's going to be slow to build and work with.
I'm pointing out here that you arent respecting their decision to set their boundaries. Everyone has the right to set boundaries with each other if they want to. Some people just want to have more space to be able to do things or they need it in some form. They are not obligated to interact or talk with you, give you an explanation. Pursuing that after they have said no, is not respecting them or their boundaries or if they choose to disengage.While I respect your decision, I feel the decision to ignore eachother right away might be a bit rash. Maybe we should just take a break from eachother for a few days to cool down and then try again maybe? Please give me a chance?
I guess I'll just leave you alone for the most part until things have cooled down and then we can talk about it.
There is the option to add someone as a foe on here. If you feel like you need space, then you can use that and won't see their posts. It's a quiet form of setting boundaries.I'm just so tired of having to avoid people, I'm so tired of having to ignore people, I'm so tired of people ignoring me. No one else even interacts with me on this forum. Most people on this forum ignore me even though I've never had an issue with them.
People aren't ignoring you. It most likely is because some of the content that you post doesn't engage with discussion or with topics. Or if there is, it's something that is not overtly open to creating discussion (like questions). We have a lot of lurkers here that only engage because they have similar experience or share their own part. There's many reasons for engagement. For the older members, it could be that you are still very new and they don't know how to talk to you or what to say, because they haven't gotten a sense of who you are yet.
I will be blunt, because it's just going to be this way and there's not much of a way I can say it gently. But Vixiery, you have been pushing boundaries and when people set them, you get extremely offended and lash out. You constantly are weaponizing our TOS and our words, your disability, and other things against people because you feel hurt. And it's becoming a pattern that people are seeing.Others have been rude and or condescending and attacked me. I dont understand why. I'm just trying to wrap my head around it all.
People aren't attacking you, maybe being more firm with their words or it does get into both parties feeling hurtand saying things. But what they see is that you are very quick to lash out and say hurtful things when they make boundaries or say something you do not like.. Which isn't okay and it's not fair to them to have to get the brunt of your pain and anger. And once you cool down, you try to be very apologetic and push your idea of moving past it. Not everyone can bounce back to everything is fine. Not everyone is able to move past things and keep being friends or acquaintances. Every one is going to be different. People are going to lash out and its understandable if it happens occasionally. But it's been a frequent pattern as of late.
Yes, this is true. That's life. But it also means that people have the right to step away and not interact anymore. It's not always going to be solved and be okay. In fact, most times it isn't going to be easy or clean forgiveness. There is the saying "Forgive, but not Forget"... and it applies a lot of the times. People will always remember things and if they happen frequently, then they have the right to step away and to not engage or cut it out completely. And they have every right to not give any reason to preserve their space and mental health.I just wish more people here were forgiving.
People get in arguments, thats life.
I know that you are excited and ready to make friends and to be active, but you are doing so in a way that is hurting others and then lashing out. I am not trying to come off as mean or attacking you. In fact, I want to help you to understand things better and sometimes it's being more open and direct with what is being said.