Satan and Suns

Yesterday was... mind-blowing. Sometimes the lessons you don't ask for or even see coming are the greatest ones of all.

I was in a bad mood and I just wanted to get out of the house. My husband suggested we go see a movie, there was one playing he wanted to see. I agreed and started getting ready. I then remembered how much I actually hate watching movies. I hate sitting still and just staring but I already agreed and knew he wanted to see it, so I got ready.

At the theatre, I was sitting waiting miserably for it to start and hoping it would be over quickly. Then I heard a voice in my mind. 'Why are you in such a bad mood?'
'This is stupid. I don't know why I agreed to it.'(My responses will be in red from here on)...
'Oh come on, where's your sense of wonder?'
Flickering memories of me as a child, when everything was magical.
'...'
'At least give it a chance.'
'Fine.' I grudgingly accepted.

The movie went on and there was a VERY clear message almost immediately. Really, it was as subtle as a brick to the face. One of the characters was facing their fears and it was exactly the same thing I had to face, word for word.
'Alright, I get it. So what am I supposed to do?'
'You just want the answer handed to you?'
I bristled a little at this, 'Never mind. I'll figure it out myself.'

The end of the movie came and so did an answer. My mood had lightened considerably by now.
'Oh look, you got your answer.'
'Yes... thank you. I guess I know what I have to do now.'
The feeling I got was that He was amused.

Fast forward a couple of hours. Remember that wonderful lesson that just got handed to you earlier? Oh yes, you know what you have to do, so why put it off? Showtime.

Something happened that was really nothing short of a miracle. It's such a long story that I might post it separately but what happened after is what's important to this... I texted my mother what happened and she wanted to call me.

On the phone she starts telling me that god and the angels are watching out for me, it's so amazing. She starts telling me about the saints and how they help us and I was like....
'No, it's not them.'
'What are you talking about? Then who was it?'

And now is when I realized what was going on. That lesson I learned earlier was not free.

'Mom, I'm not christian anymore.'
'What are you? Atheist?'
'No.'
'Well, you're not a devil-worshiper are you?'
'What if I am?
'Are you?'
'Yes.'

Then all of the fear, the panic, the accusations... 'Why are you doing this? Why is it Satan? Someone got to you.'
'No, no one got to me. I'm here of my own choice. No one told me to do this, I did it on my own.' Also at this point, I heard distinctly that I should shield myself, so I did.

The conversation ended awkwardly. It took me a few hours to recover, I was exhausted. I eventually started to feel better.
I did it, I told her. I was so happy. I wanted to dance. I started to hear sort of tribal music in my head, lots of drums and I couldn't resist. I closed my eyes and danced around.

And He was there, dancing with me. Words can't even describe it.

The next morning the texts started coming in from my mother. When she can't have her way she tries to manipulate people with guilt; I've told her previously flat out don't even bother, guilt does not work on me. That conversation ended with the agreement we would talk more when I go to her house for a visit in a few weeks. I had already been planning to make this trip and will be staying there for a week. So, it's not over yet... but I've never run before and not about to start.

Last time I faced my greatest fear I learned how to control my anger. I learned about mercy. I learned to let go.

My head and heart are in the right place again now and I know what I have to do.

Aw, congratulations! This is a beautiful story & I'm so happy that you finally were able to tell her!

omgosh wow, thats HUGE!
how amazing for you to *come out* like that! My own family , though they dont know the extent, know that i am no longer christian (my mom blew a gasket when she saw my tattoo of a lotus and pentagram LOL) they constantly pray for my soul and last year my little sister sent me an email saying how she prayed for me daily and wondered why i had changed religions. I gave her a few homework assignments and said " This is where I'm at and why. Dont judge me for not believing and i wont judge you for being the victim of the biggest brainwashing farce in history. i love you" then I warned her NOT to actually follow through on any of the research assignments i had given her as they would surely rock the foundations of her fluffy belief system. I never heard back from her on that.

Its a huge step telling people about your path when it leans this way, there are so many misconceptions out there. all i can say is I applaud your bravery!

luna wrote:
Aw, congratulations! This is a beautiful story & I'm so happy that you finally were able to tell her!

Thank you Luna I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me, at the same time I broke through some other blocks and I'm bringing balance back to parts of my life where before something was holding me back.

MagicWand-a wrote:omgosh wow, thats HUGE!
how amazing for you to *come out* like that! My own family , though they dont know the extent, know that i am no longer christian (my mom blew a gasket when she saw my tattoo of a lotus and pentagram LOL) they constantly pray for my soul and last year my little sister sent me an email saying how she prayed for me daily and wondered why i had changed religions. I gave her a few homework assignments and said " This is where I'm at and why. Dont judge me for not believing and i wont judge you for being the victim of the biggest brainwashing farce in history. i love you" then I warned her NOT to actually follow through on any of the research assignments i had given her as they would surely rock the foundations of her fluffy belief system. I never heard back from her on that.

Its a huge step telling people about your path when it leans this way, there are so many misconceptions out there. all i can say is I applaud your bravery!

Thank you Wanda I really wanted to tell her and my sister but didn't know how they would react. I don't like hiding things. It complicates my life and I feel like if I can't be honest about something, maybe I'm ashamed of it. And I'm not ashamed of what I am. I did end up telling my sister and she was actually really cool about it. Sometimes people can surprise you, so maybe your sister will come around ^^

There really are a lot of misconceptions and if I hide this people are going to go on thinking that way, so I wanted to do it for that reason as well. I'm kind of hoping after I talk to my mom more, maybe it will help her. She's really miserable, unhappy and kind of stuck in her life. I would never suggest this path to her, but would want her to find her own path cuz she's a bit lost.

I wish you the best of luck with your own family <3 and thank you for sharing your own experience with me.

Thank you for sharing (there wasn't a thumbs up)

My family was never all that religious and I've always been curious. As a teen, I've been to a friend's synagog and another friend's Catholic church (never understood the kneeling) and I dragged my Mom to a church and she was upset I had us sit in the front row

Now, you don't have to worry about her "finding out" because she knows

Dark Blessings,
Joanne

This is beautiful, Eilana. Thank you for sharing.
I love simplicity and don't like things that complicate my life. Everybody is different but if we can release ourselves from whatever it is that is blocking us then what a lift off of the weight! And it's encouragement for all of us to move forward and be real.
Love your story - thank you again

Congratulations Eilana, that is a very brace step you took, but a liberating one. That is what we are about on this path, freeing ourselves from what binds us and being true to who we are. I wish you much luck moving forwards and continued personal growth and expansion.

***off topic*** Wanda your new avatar is so sexy! I love it!

Congrats Eilana on facing your fears its Something as you know at some point in Time We all have to Walk down ' The same Road making it there can be hard but once you do its Worth all the problems you may have faced trying to get there Reading your post as . I Have always told you give me hope to face my own fears

Awww congratulations !!! I bet after all was said and done you felt liberated. That must have been hard, but you did it. You stood strongly and told her your path, even though you knew she would disapprove. Some people may only ever dream of doing that. I think that was a courageous act on your part.

I remember when my mother flipped out calling me a devil worshiper lol, as if that was going to hurt me any. I informed her how much better life is now with my demon companions and mentor a part of it, and how my children and myself are protected now. She has now learned to not even bring up anything negative about my companions or mentor.

I hope things with your mom went well when you went to visit her. I also hope she has accepted your path as well.

P.S your statement : about as subtle as a brick to the face" was hilarious. I literally laughed out loud.