A lesson
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2014 3:50 pm
Yesterday was... mind-blowing. Sometimes the lessons you don't ask for or even see coming are the greatest ones of all.
I was in a bad mood and I just wanted to get out of the house. My husband suggested we go see a movie, there was one playing he wanted to see. I agreed and started getting ready. I then remembered how much I actually hate watching movies. I hate sitting still and just staring but I already agreed and knew he wanted to see it, so I got ready.
At the theatre, I was sitting waiting miserably for it to start and hoping it would be over quickly. Then I heard a voice in my mind. 'Why are you in such a bad mood?'
'This is stupid. I don't know why I agreed to it.'(My responses will be in red from here on)...
'Oh come on, where's your sense of wonder?'
Flickering memories of me as a child, when everything was magical.
'...'
'At least give it a chance.'
'Fine.' I grudgingly accepted.
The movie went on and there was a VERY clear message almost immediately. Really, it was as subtle as a brick to the face. One of the characters was facing their fears and it was exactly the same thing I had to face, word for word.
'Alright, I get it. So what am I supposed to do?'
'You just want the answer handed to you?'
I bristled a little at this, 'Never mind. I'll figure it out myself.'
The end of the movie came and so did an answer. My mood had lightened considerably by now.
'Oh look, you got your answer.'
'Yes... thank you. I guess I know what I have to do now.'
The feeling I got was that He was amused.
Fast forward a couple of hours. Remember that wonderful lesson that just got handed to you earlier? Oh yes, you know what you have to do, so why put it off? Showtime.
Something happened that was really nothing short of a miracle. It's such a long story that I might post it separately but what happened after is what's important to this... I texted my mother what happened and she wanted to call me.
On the phone she starts telling me that god and the angels are watching out for me, it's so amazing. She starts telling me about the saints and how they help us and I was like....
'No, it's not them.'
'What are you talking about? Then who was it?'
And now is when I realized what was going on. That lesson I learned earlier was not free.
'Mom, I'm not christian anymore.'
'What are you? Atheist?'
'No.'
'Well, you're not a devil-worshiper are you?'
'What if I am?
'Are you?'
'Yes.'
Then all of the fear, the panic, the accusations... 'Why are you doing this? Why is it Satan? Someone got to you.'
'No, no one got to me. I'm here of my own choice. No one told me to do this, I did it on my own.' Also at this point, I heard distinctly that I should shield myself, so I did.
The conversation ended awkwardly. It took me a few hours to recover, I was exhausted. I eventually started to feel better.
I did it, I told her. I was so happy. I wanted to dance. I started to hear sort of tribal music in my head, lots of drums and I couldn't resist. I closed my eyes and danced around.
And He was there, dancing with me. Words can't even describe it.
The next morning the texts started coming in from my mother. When she can't have her way she tries to manipulate people with guilt; I've told her previously flat out don't even bother, guilt does not work on me. That conversation ended with the agreement we would talk more when I go to her house for a visit in a few weeks. I had already been planning to make this trip and will be staying there for a week. So, it's not over yet... but I've never run before and not about to start.
Last time I faced my greatest fear I learned how to control my anger. I learned about mercy. I learned to let go.
My head and heart are in the right place again now and I know what I have to do.
I was in a bad mood and I just wanted to get out of the house. My husband suggested we go see a movie, there was one playing he wanted to see. I agreed and started getting ready. I then remembered how much I actually hate watching movies. I hate sitting still and just staring but I already agreed and knew he wanted to see it, so I got ready.
At the theatre, I was sitting waiting miserably for it to start and hoping it would be over quickly. Then I heard a voice in my mind. 'Why are you in such a bad mood?'
'This is stupid. I don't know why I agreed to it.'(My responses will be in red from here on)...
'Oh come on, where's your sense of wonder?'
Flickering memories of me as a child, when everything was magical.
'...'
'At least give it a chance.'
'Fine.' I grudgingly accepted.
The movie went on and there was a VERY clear message almost immediately. Really, it was as subtle as a brick to the face. One of the characters was facing their fears and it was exactly the same thing I had to face, word for word.
'Alright, I get it. So what am I supposed to do?'
'You just want the answer handed to you?'
I bristled a little at this, 'Never mind. I'll figure it out myself.'
The end of the movie came and so did an answer. My mood had lightened considerably by now.
'Oh look, you got your answer.'
'Yes... thank you. I guess I know what I have to do now.'
The feeling I got was that He was amused.
Fast forward a couple of hours. Remember that wonderful lesson that just got handed to you earlier? Oh yes, you know what you have to do, so why put it off? Showtime.
Something happened that was really nothing short of a miracle. It's such a long story that I might post it separately but what happened after is what's important to this... I texted my mother what happened and she wanted to call me.
On the phone she starts telling me that god and the angels are watching out for me, it's so amazing. She starts telling me about the saints and how they help us and I was like....
'No, it's not them.'
'What are you talking about? Then who was it?'
And now is when I realized what was going on. That lesson I learned earlier was not free.
'Mom, I'm not christian anymore.'
'What are you? Atheist?'
'No.'
'Well, you're not a devil-worshiper are you?'
'What if I am?
'Are you?'
'Yes.'
Then all of the fear, the panic, the accusations... 'Why are you doing this? Why is it Satan? Someone got to you.'
'No, no one got to me. I'm here of my own choice. No one told me to do this, I did it on my own.' Also at this point, I heard distinctly that I should shield myself, so I did.
The conversation ended awkwardly. It took me a few hours to recover, I was exhausted. I eventually started to feel better.
I did it, I told her. I was so happy. I wanted to dance. I started to hear sort of tribal music in my head, lots of drums and I couldn't resist. I closed my eyes and danced around.
And He was there, dancing with me. Words can't even describe it.
The next morning the texts started coming in from my mother. When she can't have her way she tries to manipulate people with guilt; I've told her previously flat out don't even bother, guilt does not work on me. That conversation ended with the agreement we would talk more when I go to her house for a visit in a few weeks. I had already been planning to make this trip and will be staying there for a week. So, it's not over yet... but I've never run before and not about to start.
Last time I faced my greatest fear I learned how to control my anger. I learned about mercy. I learned to let go.
My head and heart are in the right place again now and I know what I have to do.