Sombre Carnivàle Démoniaque June 12th ~ Meditation 4

You are invited to take part in an incredible event. Come witness the magic and the mystery of the Sombre Carnivàle Démoniaque. This is a special Satan and Sons/Suns event that only takes place once a year! From June 6th - June 16th!! We invite you to claim your ticket and join us on a whimsical journey of creepy delights and celebrations!
User avatar
Akelta
Goddess of the Void
Posts: 3373
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2012 12:08 am
Patron Deities: Satan, Lucifer, Mammon, Azazel, Andras, Paimon, Leviathan, Unsere, The Family
Your favourite Demon?: Tiger, High Prince H, Bear, Oblivion, Quasar, Prince V, Venom, Cadaver, My Family
Number of Demon Familiars: 66
Location: Canada
Has thanked: 226 times
Been thanked: 368 times
Contact:

Meditation 4
Demonic Twisted Funhouse of Hell
Image
Every Carnival has a Funhouse... well this one has also been called a Madhouse. You have heard stories and whispers of what is inside. It is a place where one is faced with elements of their soul and are forever transformed. It is an experience, an awakening of the inner child, an exploration of the dark child and a transformation of the mask to the true self. Those who enter are faced with elements and sides of themselves. They are faced with the inner truth of their soul.

The fun house is a symbol of the subconscious. A symbol for what is buried. It is a frightening experience. There are many houses all over the world. Some horror-filled, some excitement-filled. They all excite the senses and heighten our awareness. They can also represent our frustration. Situations we feel trapped by, events in our life that we are stuck in. This Funhouse is one of transformation, revealing those elements and sides to you that are trapped and need to be released. Walking through the fun house and coming face to face with elements of yourself can release these frustrations and release these sides and initiate you into an energetic transformation and awakening.

The funhouse puts you in touch with the sides of your self that are often ignored and repressed. That voice in your head you wish you listen to who turns out more often than not to be right. In the darkness of the funhouse you can hear these voices, these whispers and you can face the truth that you have tried to hide.


Trigger Warning...

When I started doing this meditation it took on a life of its own and some areas are rather Dark... If you are disturbed by dark topics or frighten easily, please be warned that there are sections in this meditation that can be rather dark and might be disturbing to some participants.
Do the meditation below then post your experience!


If you post your experience you will be entered to win an amazing Noble Carnivalesque
This prize can only be won by participating in this event.



The prize is... Noble Carnivalesque R

Image


R is a lovely and delightful Carnivalesque who has spent her life in pursuit of stories.  She loves to entertain and travel the world entertaining those with her musical and performing talents and hearing their stories.  She is incredibly gifted.  She is a dancer, a singer, a performer, an actress, an acrobat and one who delights in all things performing arts.  She will travel, hearing stories and tales and telling ones that she has heard.  She is very gifted and skilled in the arts and plays a variety of instruments including the flute, fiddle, guitar, Calliope, accordion and clarinet.  She also has an incredible singing voice and leaves all those who listen to her entranced.

She is a believer in love and has had many loves and lovers in her time.  She loves connection and meeting new people.  She is very passionate and can help her companion to find love and also to heal matters of the heart.  She understands the heart and she understands the pains of the heart.  She knows how to help one heal their heart and embrace self love.  She is a wonderful friend and she had incredible advice to offer.  She listens intently and shares stories and lessons to help.  She has a very grounded and warm personality and a big heart.  She loves to meet new people and she is very friendly.  

She can help her companion to awaken their creative brilliance and find the area that they are skilled in.  She can also help them to develop and awaken their skills and abilities and train to be their very best.  She has a lot of techniques for training and the development of muscles, flexibility and acrobatics.  She also can assist with voice, musical abilities and helping one to get in touch with their musical talents.  She is a very creative demoness and can help one shift their mind into the creative flow and help them to embrace the creative currents that the universe has to offer.


The meditation can be found below.


Lover of Demons
Royal Demon Goddess
Darling of Sublime Romance
Daughter of Demonic Macabre

Image

Walk with Satan in Shadow
Rise with Azazel in Potential
Dance with Lucifer Under the Moon
Kneel before Mammon's Throne
User avatar
judiss
Posts: 261
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 7:31 pm
Patron Deities: Lucifer
Your favourite Demon?: Lilith, Ronove, Beelzebub
Number of Demon Familiars: 5
Has thanked: 4 times
Been thanked: 40 times

I was really looking forward to the next meditation :) They've all been really great.

The house that I came to was completely rundown and seemed like it could fall over at any time. However, the chipped white paint above the black, rotten wood exuded a brilliant, beautiful light. It was the weirdest combination I had seen and I was totally perplexed until the voice said it was supposed to represent the light and the darkness.
Entering the house, it was not pitch black... until I walked further in. Where I had seen a wall clearly from the entrance of the house became completely black and unseeable. The walls felt very rough beneath my hands and I'm certain I got splinters. As for the sliminess... I was almost certain I knew what it was. It sounds disgusting but I knew it was vaginal discharge. In fact, the entire hallway had segued into a vulva. The faces and limbs coming out of these walls at first seemed random, but I realized as I got closer they reached towards each other and build a gorgeously grotesque archway that could pass as a masterpiece of gothic architecture.

Encountering the first Carnivale dweller, I did feel that wave of childlike happiness but I reached no new insights because I am ordinarily introspective as is. However, the scene with all the bodies reminded heavily of a video game I'd played (Doorways), only with many more bodies until it formed a mountain upon which the contortionist danced. The video game scene is pictured below:
Image
I was particularly amazed by one move the dancer did where she rolled her body across the vertical axis. It was like she didn't have a spine - very weird to see but... oddly intriguing.

The following room with the doctors made me feel very at home. In fact, I don't know if they're just always smiling, but the pair smiled at me on my way in. All their creatures were arachnoid; the flesh mounds (which were obviously pieced together from various discernable viscera) moved on spider-like legs which were also made of flesh and had no otherwise discernible features (mouth, face, eyes, etc.). All the creatures were approximately 40cmx30cm large ellipsoids. The one that stuck out to me was made entirely of a brain - a large, 40x30 brain on what looked like glass or plastic legs. Perhaps the symbolism is that my brain is the way through which I'll achieve what I want in life? That would be either unfortunate or hopeful; I have not been feeling very smart as of late.

My encounter with the clown was a bit weird. He pulled out my heart and, again, the word I saw was WORD but it was actually in the runes this time. The card, however, was the 10 of diamonds and had the worth TEETH written across it in black marker. The flower, a white daisy, also had "TEETH" burned into one of its petals. Thinking back on it... maybe it said TENTH? Either way, I don't know what that means.

Eventually, the next interesting bit on my end was when I was split into three. The first me was just... a stunningly beautiful version of me: well-dressed, well-groomed, seems to have had work done but not to look completely different; just to look like a more attractive me. I honestly thought (and hoped) this me would say something like "you are attractive on the inside" or "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" or some sappy crap like that. Instead, when I decided "yes, let her speak, tell me your message", the beautiful apparition opened its mouth and just started screaming. It was an unbearably loud, bone-chilling, impossibly long sound. It barely sounded human. The scream just kept going - at one point it sounded like there were multiple screams from around the space which only amplified this scream. It only ended when that me melted away. The second me was significantly dumpier than I even regularly look. Long, unkempt, natty hair, greasy faced, thick glasses, looked down the whole time. I couldn't hear the words very well but I believe it said "I just want to be [...] but I can never be [...] I want to be". The last me made me say, out loud "What the fuck" because it wasn't even a creature. It was two-dimensional, mostly black, and angular. It looked like a glitch - like it was caught between two worlds... or a 3D model that didn't render properly. All I could discern from it was "always" but it said much more.

In the end, I gave the brain spider to the solar demoness... but the weirdest thing is when I exited the house, it was suddenly winter. There was a thick layer of snow on the ground and harsh winds blowing... am I sensing a winter solstice Carnivale coming up? :Ddevil:
ᛚᛇᚲᚾᚨᚱᛁ:ᚹᛟᚱᛞ
Mabooka of the Iiopotto

Image: "Faust in his Study" - oil on canvas - by Philipp Winterwerb
User avatar
Chrysopaelian
Posts: 320
Joined: Sat Mar 17, 2018 7:10 pm
Patron Deities: Eris
Your favourite Demon?: Prince Stolas
Number of Demon Familiars: 0
Location: North America
Has thanked: 15 times
Been thanked: 21 times

The house itself was 2 stories, and there was one light on in an upper story window. In retrospect, it might have been that room with the sun, but it seemed like a warm yellow lamp light at the time. There was the impression of the siolouette of an old woman in the window, but none of the other windows were lit. The architecture of this house didn’t really have many straight lines. It was warped, but didn’t seem run down.

For a moment in the slimy hallway I wondered if I had been swallowed. I tasted the drip from the ceiling to see if it was blood, but it seemed to be something else. Strangely the part of the meditation that told me to stay away from the faces made me want to get closer and even touch them.

I was told not to reveal the word written on my heart. At first I thought it was Akelta telling us that in the meditation, but after everything when I went back to listen to that part again, I realized she never said not to reveal it, and that I got that idea from somewhere else. Either way, I hope it doesn’t disqualify me that I don’t reveal it. My card was the ace of spades, and the word was written diagonally across it from bottom left corner to upper top corner. My flower was a sort of orange-black, and the word was written on one of several (more than 5, fewer than 12) large petals.

My flesh creature is a sort of… Tibia with a calf muscle on it, snaking up from a trail of other muscles into a long intestinal tract. When I met it I could only see the tibia/calf muscle part of it, but when the doctor lifted it up for me, its “tail” the intestines came out of the ground that they were burrowed in. The tibia/calf muscle part seems to be its head. I took it with me, as it might be helpful for my gut health, which I have issues with from time to time. Even if it’s not, it’ll at least cheer me up when I have gut trouble. It’s interesting because Akelta said that these creatures are a symbol of our primal power… maybe my intestinal issues are primal power issues? I dunno.

When I was split into 3, the first side of myself was my Heritage. Broad shouldered, wearing some kind of horned cattle skull on its head. It told me that I shouldn’t be ashamed of those who came before me and the things that they have done, but that I should honor them.

The 2nd side was my Observer. It crouched, perched from a high spire. It told me to always watch—always find something or someone to be watching and observing from the distance.

The third was my Inner Spider. It told me that feeling resentment is natural, and that I could sting back with my venom to end the things that I resent.

In the room with the sun, I saw myself out in the desert leading a tribe of people who were cooperative and happy.

Thanks so much for facilitating this experience! It was quite fantastic! I’ll have to come up with a name for my intestine worm.
.
.
S̡̻͎̺͖̟̋̌͗͊̀͆͘͡t̵̥̬̜͍̥̽̅̒́͋̊̍͞o̩̻̪̣͚̘͓̳̰̯̎̍̄̈́̕͘l̷̞͔͓̭̹͖̳̅̅̃̂͐ơ̛̛̱̩͇͍͈̫̖͋͗̅̍̂́͢s̢̡̺̖̯̱̮̼̠̪̾̿͆̄́̅̅̿̀̾ Ŕ͉̫̩̟̪̳̀̑͛̇̓͢͢͠ͅa̵̗̯̭͓̘̞̜̓̓̐̀̑̏̾̾̕͘m͍͈͔̯͌̌̎̒̄́̍͟e̛̮̻͈͕̭̲͛̀̊͂̕͟͞c̴̱͖̰̠̤͉̥̣̲͛̅͗̿̀͊͊̈̐̐͟ v̬͉̞̜̺͚͒̒̓͂̉́͒͑̇͘͟i̭̰̰̥͑̏̏̀͛͟͟͞ả̸͈͇̻̦̱̿̾̾͐͌̌͟ṡ͙̙̝̯͎̩͂̃̒̕͜͢ă͍͔̟͇̞̣̩͈̪̎̆̃̆͟ ơ̴̤̰͎̲̬̙̺̪̋̑͛͡ṉ̵̡̧̖͆̓̊̌̄͜ c̸̛̹͙̗̮̻̾̎̀͌̄͜ȃ̶̡̡̹̬̞͖̼́̉̄͞͠
.
.
User avatar
User3246
Posts: 2950
Joined: Mon May 16, 2016 6:36 am
Patron Deities: Papa Legba, Shiva, Odin
Your favourite Demon?: Samael , Lord Uphir, Lord Asmodeus, Lord Satan, Lord Mammon, Lord Azazel
Number of Demon Familiars: 17
Has thanked: 9 times
Been thanked: 123 times

This was such a long meditation and had so much happening, that I lost energy towards the end of it. I don't remember all that happened in there now. :p I looked up from the vortex of dots halfway, and the words on the page moved and twisted, making me feel sick. It was an optical illusion. As I moved into the first room, I saw images of death and mass murder. I saw the torture chambers of the Inquisition, and the ovens and gas chambers of the Nazis, and I saw the agony and madness as the city of Pompeii died in the ashes of a volcanic explosion. I saw Life itself as a great beast, and beasts must eat! It ate the deaths of these poor souls, it ate their energy and madness! It ate our lives whole, both good and bad. My word was 'pure love'. It was on my heart and the flower. It is what I live for! My tiny creature was bloated and red-purple, like a liver dissected from a corpse, only more purplish. Yes, cute, and sloppy and gross at times! LOLOL! Like most kids are. He followed me home. :) The three sides of myself I saw were my pain, then my sexuality showed itself as a whore all made up and flaunting it. My intellect was a cold and distant robot. I integrated them all. I remember the sun and its warmth. How it showed me so many things. It is so powerful that it warps both time and space and reality. WE are that powerful.
“If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.” – Jim Rohn

"The Master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried."

Do not rely on ANYTHING, unexamined. If It does not seem to fit, ask about it. If it ultimately degrades or dishonors or holds you back, it is bad for you, so remove it from your life. If it takes from you and never gives back, it is a leech. Discard it. In magick rely only on your own work: What you have seen and done and used for your own self and in your own way. Only keep what in your own estimation is worth keeping. (Hellcat's Rules Of Satanic Magick)"

Don't get too close. It's Dark inside. It's where my Demons hide!

Hailing Satan isn't a hobby, its a lifestyle. (S@tan)
User avatar
RyderXIV
Posts: 115
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:04 pm
Patron Deities: Elegba, Hecate, Lilith, Freya, Ancestors, Siete Rayos
Your favourite Demon?: Lucifer
Number of Demon Familiars: 18
Location: Castro Valley,California
Has thanked: 24 times
Been thanked: 16 times

The memories of my childhood of the good parts came through first. I was raised on a five acre property which had animals. though my father was a lawyer he had a big love of horses. I loved a palomino horse golden colored with platinum mane and tail. He was running in a field of grass and stopping in front of me to let me touch him. I just felt free there with him and the wind was blowing just right and the sun was out.

This creature I picked up o.k. was umm erotic looking in nature... It looked like a big thick penis with wings, and it looked like what a candle looks like that has been used and was turned off but has all the drippings all around. There were eyes that looked like a genie. Interesting creature he followed me back.

The heart had a word it said Vivid, the flower was a White Chrysanthemum and it said Changes, the card was thin of course but it looked like a movie was going on it like a tablet and I saw the back of a man in a black suit and top hat walking on a cobblestone street, the card said Follow Me.

The three images I got, the first one was of The Hermit image on the Tarot card or Wizard and I got the word Teacher, the second image was strange it was of a grown up not a child of Little Red Riding Hood with the red cape and I got the word Innocence, and the third image was of a huge Owl on a tree kept looking at his eyes, I got two words At Night.

The last one was very emotional for me with the Solar Dancer because there was something I didn't want to see but she reminded me of a feeling I used to have that has affected me deeply. It has to do with the dance itself, dance, dance, dance. I used to dance a lot. I've had a knee issue that has changed things. That's all I can say.

A great meditation, it was a little dark it felt like I was in a new Hellraiser movie part XIII.
Energy defines life not flesh and blood. WE are infinite energies experiencing infinity. Through a finite aperture.”
― Stanley Victor Paskavich
User avatar
Kharybdis
Posts: 355
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2016 9:32 am
Patron Deities: Hel, Odin
Your favourite Demon?: Lilith, Leviathan
Number of Demon Familiars: 8
Location: North Texas
Has thanked: 12 times
Been thanked: 32 times
Contact:

((This got REAL long, but it was an incredibly effective, empowering meditation for me, and I felt the need to share it all.))

I ran through the Carnival gates on all fours, my right arm twisted into monstrous shape with massive, saber-like talons. I am still in my carnival regalia, but something is... different about it. It is darker, more twisted, more sinfully elegant than before. I make a beeline for the enormous gothic/Baroque manor that is the Funhouse, grinning ferally at the shutters that hang off-kilter from glowing windows. Enticing layers of music reach my ears, and I approach the door, still on all fours, before standing to open it and walk inside.

I am greeted by darkness before Akelta's voice tells me that it is pitch black; my heart is racing, but it is not from fear--rather excitement, anticipation. Akelta's voice says I cannot see anything, and I acquiesce--but I smile to myself, for that is not entirely correct, either. I do not see it, not with my eyes, but I sense it. I sense the grand stairwell off to my left, sense doors and tables and cobwebs--and a grand chandelier, hanging high above in the foyer. I walk down the dark hallway, and do not jump away from the slimy wall, but rather withdraw my hand and shake it with a chuckle. The liquid dripping does not frighten me, either; I am being swallowed, consumed alive by the funhouse and dropped into another place altogether. The faces of the damned intrigue me, and I peer into them as they wail, eyeless, writhing in a wall of torn flesh. I do not feel sympathy. I do not feel... anything, save for curiosity. Their hands reach for me, but I am too far for them to touch. I shake my head and turn away, continuing into the room with the bodies twisted and melded into the floor.

Again, I am not afraid--but I am entranced as the contortionist begins her performance on a pillar in the central area, arms reaching up from the floor as if showing her off. She twists and turns, her neck rotating a full three-hundred and sixty degrees, if not more, as she spares me a small smile. She moves around the room, mimicking poses of the bits and pieces merged into the building, and I watch with approval and interest as she creates brand new, impossible shapes from her own flesh. As she opens my heart and releases my inner child, I do not for a moment drop my guard. I am not afraid, but I know better; I succumb, but never entirely, to the joy that overtakes me, the dreams of becoming famous and powerful, the dreams of creativity rewarded, the dreams of adulation and love and shaping the world... The dreams of speaking to animals, of healing hurts, of knowledge deep and wide... but I do not trust. I never trust. Her smile is a little sad as she watches me and begins sending the energy, but I do not yield. I dreamed the world would love me, would pay attention to me--OR I WOULD MAKE THEM, my child self screams, laughing, eyes gleaming almost red for a moment, and I laugh a little. Ooh, a little dark, there. Possessive. A snarling beast at my core, even as a child, but... tempered, somehow. Controlled.

This next room delights and excites me. The most artistic creations, the perfect weaving of bone and tissue, kinetic sculptures of blood and moving organs--and I am so excited to see the Doctor and his Doll, a fellow ventriloquist and his doll creating beautiful sculptures... but I laugh at the sight of the Flesh-Freaks. They are wonderful, but not the masterpieces my Dehisce crafts. I love them immediately as they play, they hunt, they rest... but the one that draws me is naga-like, like a Zerg Hydralisk from Starcraft:
Image
He is a small thing, about the length of my arm--perhaps a little larger--and coils his tail made of muscle and sinew around my arm the moment that he is offered to me. I immediately love him, pressing my forehead to his bony skull plate. His name is similar to his master's: Sesh'aat. The little beast's scythe-like arms remind me not only of my creativity, but of my destructive potential. My duality--a theme emphasized over and over in this mad carnival. I hold him like my child as I move on.

The clown faces interest me, and I inspect them thoughtfully, admiring the artistry of the ones that have been stitched together, making a beautiful artistic statement. Their eyes and their stares do not bother me. I walk slowly, with purpose, with a certain regality of carriage, toward Siioow. I blink as he shows me my heart, head tilting to one side. It is a big heart, sagging a bit as it floats above his hand. The word branded on the flesh of my heart keeps changing, shifting, but all along the same theme: Lust, Desire, Want. Siioow smiles at me knowingly, but the smile does not reach his tired eyes. The card he draws is a Spade--I believe the seven, perhaps the nine--with the same word-series-layer blazing and burning across it diagonally, from corner to corner. There is something else... but I am not seeing it, not yet. The juggling act puzzles me, and I furrow my brow, wondering how he manages to keep such squishy sacs from splattering with every catch and release. He must have surprisingly gentle, nimble hands. It is almost as if the objects never quite touch his flesh, as quick as he is. The flower is a brilliant orange tiger lily, and "LUST" is lovingly burned into the topmost petal facing me. I look more closely, toward the brilliant yellow stamens as I hold my little flesh-creature. In the dark freckles of the lily, just as in the dark spades of the card, is written another word, harder to see, flickering in and out of existence. "DENIAL." Siioow smiles at me again, that tired, almost sad smile, deeply knowing. Why do you deny the things you desire most? Why deny all of the possibilities, all of the power, all of the things rightfully yours? he seems to say. I think about this, and lose myself in my thoughts as the scene begins to change once more.

I pause in the center of the mirrors, examining the facets of myself, and realize that I am no longer in the strange, monstrous shape I was first in when I arrived at the carnival today. I am myself, through and through. There is a beast in more than one of the mirrors, a small child, a nude woman standing boldly and proudly, several warriors, a prince without regalia, and more than one fractured mirror where each fragment shows me more and more and more faces, bodies, sides, shapes, colors... It is a neverending cavalcade, but I am not threatened nor overwhelmed. I nod to myself, and proceed on.

I tilt my head as I observe the diabolist, and wince at the sudden separation of Self. The three that have appeared are a man made entirely of gold and white light, smiling brilliantly and radiating joy; a hermaphroditic person, dumpy and grey, that is completely covered in massive, tattering scars like a cut-up paper doll; and a monster in the shape of a man, made entirely of deep black shadows that shift like flames around his body--though the pinpoints of his eyes and the large grinning mouth full of sharp, curving teeth are brilliant white. The golden man is first, and he gives me a belly laugh as he claps me on the shoulder. The world is not so serious as all that, you know, he says, beaming. There is joy in everything, there is laughter and light! This is all a game that we are playing--so play! Enjoy yourself! And remember: the best games are shared with others and not played alone. Bring joy to the people in your life; the joy you give will be returned many times over. He merges into me, and I shiver with delight. One of my best sides. One I had buried for a little while, covered over with muck, with self-hatred, with...

Her. Them. It. She looks up at me, their drooping eyes exhausted, long silvery hair dangling down everywhere in ropy strands. She is absolutely covered in deep scars, and holds her hands behind her back. You have been hurt so many times, They sigh, lowering their gaze. People have pierced you with their words, lacerated you with misunderstanding, with neglect, with hate. She looks up again, a fresh wound bleeding such a dark color that it looks like ink. Their eyes gleam, and there is something... unplaceable in her eyes. But the lacerations we inflict upon ourselves cut the deepest. She raises her hand from behind their back, and her hand is a massive, bird-like set of talons that comes scraping down all across her body, leaving long, deep gashes. She makes no sound. She does not flinch. Their eyes remain locked on mine. It merges back into me, and balances out the joy of the first.

The third is something altogether... different. He is dark, radiant, confident. An absolute monster, a predator, ready to burn the entire world down and tear apart anyone who dares stand in his--our--way. He grins like the Cheshire Cat as I acknowledge him, and he steps close--intimately close. We gaze into one another's eyes, and his grin widens impossibly. You are... a REAL monster, he says, his voice in many layers--gravelly, growling, and yet smooth and sharp, like a greasy businessman. And you know it, now. You hid from it for awhile, but you recognize me, and understand what you're capable of. Good. He snarls, but it is a joyful, victorious sound. Then, he straightens up, folding his arms behind his back, regal and proper. The best part? You are not controlled by your beast. You control the beast, have tamed yourself--but you do not stifle it. Remember to loosen the collar every once in awhile. We're here to have fun and burn shit to the ground. Never forget your ultimate goal. I'll be right here to serve. He merges into me, and I feel whole. Complete. Powerful. Dr. Panacktro nods to me, and I move on.

I immediately begin dancing with Zenithyaah the moment I step into the room, and my flesh-creature dances all along my limbs with me, still wrapped around. I mimic her movements, then create my own--but my eyes never leave her, even as I seem to shift in and out of innumerable forms, flowing like water, as I approach. The sun sings to me, and I hear its music. My soul cries out for its touch--Shamash, the shining one, deep in my core, recognizing the light that allows my darkness to be possible. I am radiant, and Zenithyaah weaves the energy around me as our shared dance reaches a fevered pitch of confidence, power, unbridled energy untouched by fear. I step into the sun, and I feel at home. I am centered. I am myself. I am... His child. I had almost forgotten, despite speaking the words a thousand times. I am Divine.

When I leave, I know immediately that Sesh'aat, my flesh being, is mine forever. I cannot bear to part from him, as dear and precious as he is. We have shared too much to part now. He nuzzles into me, pressing the bony plates of his skull into my collarbone, and I sigh with contentment as I prepare to make my return.
User avatar
laalbieglna
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 4:06 pm
Patron Deities: Angrboda and Loki
Your favourite Demon?: Goetics
Number of Demon Familiars: 26
Location: Los Angeles
Has thanked: 216 times
Been thanked: 58 times

I did this last night but didn't post because my husband, who has done none of the prior meditations, went on this one, too, and we stayed up late into the night talking about it, so this is what I can remember copied from my journal where I recorded it this morning.

Contortionist: she was blue, her energy was blue within the stark reds of the room and she beamed or opened the channel for such a dosage of pure, childhood joy. Joy! Pure emotion interspersed with clear images of my childhood's fantasies from its rich internal life, not nostalgia or memory, but the actual feelings that my child self had, wild abandon, total investment, expectation, freedom.

Mutilation Doctor and Crypt Doll: watching the flesh creatures I couldn't really parse much of them or what they were doing because I was neither generating the images nor investing them with meaning, it was like watching robotics is to me, totally foreign; but there was one who stood out because of the clarity of his face and he was very specifically watching me - a cute little (well, huge, for a jumping spider) jumping spider face that was very untouched and untampered with but the rest of his body was pretty undefined, like an upward turned mass of flesh, don't really see legs or anything; he was forlorn at the thought of even being left in the room, and of course I took him home with me because cute little spider face! I also have the striking feeling that his face has a critical message about my own (core?) nature.

Clown: The word on my heart is love - the work of a lifetime is seeing where this is a true face and where it is a mask and where it is a story; three sides were 1st: something extremely reptilian, like my face but with a flat head, no frontal lobes at all, just sheer aggression and reactivity that hissed "Silab" to me. I don't know what a Silab is, at this point; 2nd was an empty, deflated skin, like a whole human hide, empty eyes, it sighed but I don't know what it said, I have much conflicting speculation about what this is; 3rd was my child self, not child-like or in child form like my fetch, but my actual self as a child. She whispered something to me and the closest I can remember is something like "you can do it" but it was a lot more complicated and deeply personal and significant, not the trite cheerleading it sounds like.

Hall of Mirrors: Well, I just breezed past this like it was a hallway, not a destination in itself. There were definitely a couple of monsters, mostly sleeping, older selves, some 1940s era style things I didn't understand but that made me think of my maternal grandmother (deep, generational identity-forming stories located here, but you know, there's some formative Holocaust narrative stuff with this era, too), male self, a weaver, my hag, maybe some child selves, I don't remember anything very specific so it must have been pretty confronting.

Both of us had amazing experiences with the solar dancer: I had just washes of beauty and letting it flow through and empower me. I've been really glad throughout Carnivale that I've been to Burning Man multiple times because I feel like it's primed me with a lot of mental imagery, but also with the emotional touchpoint of starkness, surrender, surrealism, and release. My partner told me at some point, "this is not your first time at the Carnivale. You've been here before and it's related to your first (or a very early) split of self." I can definitely feel this with some of the visions I've had, of my fetch growing older, like coming of age old and growing antlers, between two of the meditations, visions of dancing with abandon on a hill of bones, the delight and surrender and "home-ness" i've felt... oh, and I ate a delicious treat the other night and am now like, "well, that's it! food of the dead! now see what you've done!" but it was delicious.
User avatar
laalbieglna
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 4:06 pm
Patron Deities: Angrboda and Loki
Your favourite Demon?: Goetics
Number of Demon Familiars: 26
Location: Los Angeles
Has thanked: 216 times
Been thanked: 58 times

My husband's experience, posted briefly below on his behalf:

Contortionist: didn't get much clearly here, like watching a show but definitely as a spectator, mostly just darkness.

Mutilation Doctor and Crypt Doll: flesh creature is mostly lots of arms, half a jaw, a piece of a skull with an eye, no mouth or way to eat, very basic, can't cling or move independently, took it home because it didn't want to stay, and that's the only reason he took it home.

Clown: Grief is the word written on his heart. His three sides were a lumbering mound that said "Death is not evil"; a horde of living troll dolls that said "Confusion isn't wrong"; and an entity that looked like ones from a prior extremely intense journey he took that either he or I can't remember what it said.

Hall of Mirrors: He pointed out to me that this was a place and a stop... HIs clearest one was a rat, which surprised him due to the social element of their nature.

Solar Dancer: golden, pure energy but not bright, there were very dark places here, too, on the sun.
User avatar
laalbieglna
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 4:06 pm
Patron Deities: Angrboda and Loki
Your favourite Demon?: Goetics
Number of Demon Familiars: 26
Location: Los Angeles
Has thanked: 216 times
Been thanked: 58 times

Oh man, I forgot about the card and the flower. My card was the Ace of Spaces and also said love across it. My flower was a round, spiky, black-red flower, maybe a chrysanthemum... it's the one I found in my garden last night and I don't know what it is, when I planted it or where it came from, it just sort of appeared in a dish I could have sworn only had struggling cilantro that I've been waiting to die so I could plant something else there... and my computer screen just flashed off and on at that...
User avatar
laalbieglna
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 4:06 pm
Patron Deities: Angrboda and Loki
Your favourite Demon?: Goetics
Number of Demon Familiars: 26
Location: Los Angeles
Has thanked: 216 times
Been thanked: 58 times

Wow, reading other's experiences I realize I've totally conflated Siioow and the Diabolist in my memory... wow... I am going to be spending some time with my flesh creature
Locked

Return to “Sombre Carnivàle Démoniaque 2018”