Mama Raven wrote: ↑Mon Oct 05, 2020 5:05 pm
In my last post about this topic, I discussed the historical precedents for godspousery, as well as some of the important considerations necessary prior to forming such a bond.
But… how exactly does this WORK? You’ve been proposed to. You’ve accepted. You’ve probably had some form of ceremony, or intend one. You have probably been required to wear some kind of symbol of that bond – a tattoo, a new piercing, a specific type of jewelry – pendant, cuff, piercing stud… something meant to be permanent as a ring for a human marriage. Maybe it’s even a ring.
But what NOW? What does this mean, and how do you go about being a spouse?
First, I want to discuss levels of devotional practice, so we’re on the same page here. Definitions will be helpful only if we share them. You don’t have to agree with mine – these are JUST so you understand me as I go, and I don’t require you to agree outside of this article.
The first level, to me, is an awareness. Someone who’s a participant in a pantheon, but not necessarily devoted to any specific deity of that pantheon. These people tend to work with different deities for different things. For example, someone working with the Greek pantheon might invoke Hermes if they’re about to go on a journey, or if by sea, Poseidon, and make an offering to these deities. Someone getting married would of course invite Hera to their wedding.
The next level up is what in demonolatry we term mentorship. What this means is that you work with a specific god for a specific purpose, probably for a length of focused time. If you’re a business person, whether you’re starting a business, or you want to grow the business you have, you will probably choose Mammon as your mentor. He will teach you a lot of what you will need beyond what you learn in business school – about how money actually works and how people work in relation to money.
After that is patronage. While in this modern era we use the words patron or matron, originally the words were patron and patroness. I personally prefer the patroness over matron, because matron means married woman, sometimes married woman who is a mother. Patron does NOT mean married man, or even father. What it means is provider… which is what a patron or patroness DOES. Traditionally, a patron would take up an artist or scholar, or someone with something unique. They’d support this person, protect them, finance them, provide them a home and supplies. This person would do a lot of work for their patron. They were free to take other projects from other people, and even for cash payments, but if their patron asked for something, their other projects went on hold. The patron came first. This relationship is what a spiritual patronage is also supposed to be. Your patron comes first in your pantheon, and in exchange, you receive knowledge, support, and protection. In demonolatry, we often choose our patron based on astrology or elemental associations – sometimes we choose a patron who represents something we lack. Sometimes we choose a patron because their work coincides with our own. Whatever the reason, you only have one patron, and the bond is life-long. They become the head of your personal pantheon, and they will serve you, and you them, for the rest of your current life.
Next we come to priesthood. Priest/esses may represent a specific god, or may represent the pantheon as a whole. Their job is to nurture the people, provide ritual and counsel, and maintain the structure of the society they work with and for. While you might have private rituals with your pantheon, daily rituals… generally for public needs, you go to a priest/ess. Marriages, births, deaths, coming-of-ages, dedications, initiations, and paths of study are all services a priest will offer. Sometimes, a person who has a patron may end up being a priest of that patron, if the pantheon’s priesthood is more focused on the entire pantheon, rather than one like the Greek or Roman systems which had specific mysteries associated with specific deities. In demonolatry, priests and priestesses are functionaries who represent the entire pantheon, so someone under patronage may find themselves taking up priesthood aspects in working with their patron.
Then, there are Godspouses. Godspouses may also be priests, and may also have patrons – and it’s not necessary to have the same patron and spouse. The function of a godspouse is simple. You merge energies with your god, your spouse, and then you as a couple radiate that energy into the world. You literally become a merged being – you are their hands in this world, and everything you do becomes an act of devotion. Your body, your energy, all that you are becomes a temple to them. Self-care becomes an act of devotion. Caring for others in line with your patron’s essence becomes an act of devotion. Your every step through life becomes divine, because you are them, and they are you. Godspousery is the marriage of essences for the purpose of bringing that divine essence into the manifested world.
Finally, there are avatars. Avatars are literally a piece of the god, born into the world. The god may take their entire self into the body, or may only give a part of themselves, to be reclaimed after that body’s life has ended, but avatars ARE the gods, walking the earth… the god made flesh.
These are my definitions, and again, you do not have to agree, but it’s helpful to have these definitions as context here.
So, now you have some context, let’s talk about how actual godspousery works.
Let’s start with the question that’s probably foremost in your mind. Is there sex, and is monogamy required?
Sex is, in the west, pretty much the only method of merging energies that people can actually understand – so with MOST practitioners in the west, there will probably be a sexual aspect to godspousery. If you perceive sex as the only way to mingle energies, you are closed off to other options, and so sex becomes a part of the marriage. Because godspousery is very much about the mingling and merging of energies, and other cultures are very much aware of multiple methods of doing that, sex isn’t NECESSARY. However, the second problem that the western mind has with sex is that for some, it’s the only method they have of perceiving love and devotion, or giving it. We are very touch-starved in the west, and with a spiritual partner, that becomes more of a problem than ever… and when the only way you know how to express love is through sexual touch, of course your marriage with your god will end up being sexual. Will the sexual aspect last, if there is one? Perhaps, and perhaps not. It really depends on you, and your personal growth throughout the marriage – but sex isn’t necessary. It’s also not necessary to give up.
Monogamy is tricky. You may decide that monogamy is what you want, or your god may require it. Your god may not, but will probably want to have a say in your relationships. Your body is their temple – they will want to choose with you whose energies get to mingle with their own, and that’s understandable. If you are already in a committed relationship of ANY kind, the god may choose not to object… or there might be some shakeups. I know of one godspouse who had a spiritual companion and also a human lover. The spirit companion has now been adopted into another household, and the human lover has moved on to other pastures. I also know a godspouse who married after being in a wedded human relationship for over ten years, and retains that human marriage as well as their divine one – however, that person’s spiritual lovers have taken a step back. Whatever the choices made, understand that those choices should be made TOGETHER. Your god gets to have a say in it, because any energies you mingle in your own body will be mingled with Their energies… but your god doesn’t get to cut you off completely from the things you need as a human being. Men who don’t have sex end up with enlarged prostates and eventually may get cancer. Women who don’t have enough sex end up with bladder control problems and also other hormonal problems. Humans who don’t get enough touch go crazy – and no, I’m not overstating that. Children wither, and adults go crazy. Humans NEED touch.
So. Those are covered. What’s next? You’ve figured out whether you’re going to be monogamous, or poly. You’ve understood the need for clear communication if you take other lovers. You’ve recognized what sex means in this type of situation..
What about mingling and merging WITHOUT sex? That is a process that takes time, and your spouse will have to be the one to guide you, but it amounts to a type of tantric merging. There are practices you can do – sitting with your spouse’s energies and working to merge those energies and auras, merging chakras with theirs, inviting temporary possession states, working to raise your own vibrations to their level to make all of this easier… taking on marks that allow a better flow between you both… But most importantly, beyond this spiritual aspect, you will need to learn how to think of yourself as their divine hands. There’s an aspect of mindfulness to this, but it goes further than just being in the moment. It becomes an awareness that every step you take leaves flowers in your wake – every word you speak becomes the words of your god. Work to become conscious of this fact.
Such mergings take a long time. It’s not ceremony, ring, “I do,” merge. It’s a lifelong process, and it’s at times going to be deeply intimate. There are things you will not want to share, that are personal and private… and there are things you will not want to share but are REQUIRED TO ANYWAY because they are part of you being Their hands. There are times when your god will ask you to do things that change large portions of your life. I’ve known spouses who had to change their diet in significant ways. I’ve known spouses who have had to practice silence. I’ve known spouses who were asked to practice veiling. I’ve also known spouses who were asked to practice promiscuity (safely). I’ve known spouses who were asked to take up jobs and functions for their spouses. A spouse for a god of death was required to take up hospice work.
Your relationship, your life changes, the work you will do, will be personal to you and your spouse. Each and every day will be a new discovery. It will be hard. There will be pain. Being married to a god is not easy when we are mortal. Sometimes they push us, and in frightening ways. Sometimes we feel ignored, unloved, bitter, even used, because we don’t always understand, and They don’t always know to explain.
Is godspousery rewarding? That depends on your perspective… and your perspective may change daily. Sometimes, it takes so much from you, and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight… and other times, there is so much joy, such a feeling of rightness. Being loved by a god is not like being loved by a mortal – a lot of the problems spouses run into are because they expect no difference… but I’ve never met a godspouse who’s said, “I want a divorce.”