Need Help and Some Feeder Advice

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Aprophis
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Nyctophilia Raven wrote:
If you haven't felt the servitor have any effect on your own energies, maybe you could talk to the spirits and entities you made it for, and ask them how it's working out for them?
I'm not a talking kind of person. So I can't do that. I can see sometimes but a thumbs up doesn't say much.
Nyctophilia Raven wrote: I'm... if it's drawing off of your own lifeforce and improving the quality of the energy output for the others, it should be having SOME kind of effect on you because it's still pulling off of you. I would look into that. If you're not feeling more or less tired, if you've felt no change positive or negative... I'm curious as to where the energy is coming from then.
Well, since everything is an emanation of source, there's an infinite supply of everything. My intent was on connecting to that source that's behind my sexual energy, past me, but still the same. The same that probably supplies all me's there are.
Nyctophilia Raven wrote: Also, I've noticed that the more touch I get, the less bad I feel. Touch (it does not have to be physical) is a vital part of human health... and even those of us with a little extra are still in mostly human shells, which are affected by touch or the lack of.
I don't really like touch. Especially not too much of it. Let me tell you, girlfriends are not happy about that.
Also I'm pretty sure partly that depression thing is genetic. My mother has it too, that and an affinity to drown the sorrows in lots of alcohol, but I got over that, thankfully.
Two Roads diverged in a yellow Wood and I took both, for I am Quantum.
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Aprophis wrote:Well, since everything is an emanation of source, there's an infinite supply of everything. My intent was on connecting to that source that's behind my sexual energy, past me, but still the same. The same that probably supplies all me's there are.
Ahhh... so that actually makes more sense. You connected your servitor to Source energies, and then filter it through your own personal sexual energies as a type of flavor addition.

I'm not at all sure whether that would feed me or not. Huh.
Aprophis wrote:I don't really like touch. Especially not too much of it. Let me tell you, girlfriends are not happy about that.Also I'm pretty sure partly that depression thing is genetic. My mother has it too, that and an affinity to drown the sorrows in lots of alcohol, but I got over that, thankfully.

I'm not a touchy-feely type person - I get sensory overload pretty easily. I'm a texture junkie as well - these two can sometimes go to war. However, I'm working to overcome my aversion to touch simply because it really does feed into a lot of my health issues. I've been doing occupational therapy, which because I'm autistic, has included exposure therapy, and one of the exposures is touch. I'm not sure how successful it is yet - but it might be something to think about for yourself at some point.

Depression has two factors - one is definitely a genetic predisposition, but the other is that you can actually learn how to be a depressed person. They're actually not entirely sure how much of depression that runs in families is learned behavioral responses. If your mother was an alcoholic, that would complicate things, definitely. That may tie into your aversion to touch - if she was either abused which led to the alcoholism and an aversion to touch, or was abusive when she was drinking which created your own aversion to touch, it's possible that you either never got enough touch as a child, or got enough of the wrong kinds to earn a conditioned response. Unless you, too, have autisitic tendencies, in which case just ignore this entire paragraph.


Sorry... psychology has been an outlet for me for a long time. Studying humans - sociology, psychology, history, religions - I was sure that if I studied enough about what humans do and why, eventually I'd be able to understand them, and myself, and learn how to fit in. I didn't know I was autistic - I went undiagnosed until this year - but my burning desire to understand why they and I were so different (and a burning hope to avoid continued abuse by finally understanding and being able to successfully mimic) started when I was very young and never went away and now I apply psychology to pretty much every puzzle in the human experience. It's a bad habit, I know.
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
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Aprophis
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Nyctophilia Raven wrote: Ahhh... so that actually makes more sense. You connected your servitor to Source energies, and then filter it through your own personal sexual energies as a type of flavor addition.

I'm not at all sure whether that would feed me or not. Huh.
Less an addition as the real thing. But all the energies, no matter if personal or not have a limitless source. That's where I tried tapping in. Into the yet unrealized unlimited potential. Unrealized because I'm not (yet) limitless as a human being. Well, maybe I am, maybe we all are and don't know it.
But in the end, you'd probably have to have a look at it to be sure what it actually does. I'm content with Kelis saying it does what I want it to do without negative effects on me.
I made the same for my vampires with my blood, well, the astral representation of it anyway.
Nyctophilia Raven wrote: Depression has two factors - one is definitely a genetic predisposition, but the other is that you can actually learn how to be a depressed person. They're actually not entirely sure how much of depression that runs in families is learned behavioral responses. If your mother was an alcoholic, that would complicate things, definitely. That may tie into your aversion to touch - if she was either abused which led to the alcoholism and an aversion to touch, or was abusive when she was drinking which created your own aversion to touch, it's possible that you either never got enough touch as a child, or got enough of the wrong kinds to earn a conditioned response. Unless you, too, have autisitic tendencies, in which case just ignore this entire paragraph.
Well, depending on the definitions of the spectrum, I'd fall on the lighter end. But so would 90% of the people I know, so........yeah. I think some definitions are kept too general for my taste.
But no, it had more to do with generally being a loner and never getting used to touch. But that was more in my teens and above. Then again, which teen really wants to get touched by their parents?
Two Roads diverged in a yellow Wood and I took both, for I am Quantum.
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Aksho Kharneth Akhash
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Sanity is for the weak
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User1265455
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Aprophis wrote:But all the energies, no matter if personal or not have a limitless source. That's where I tried tapping in. Into the yet unrealized unlimited potential. Unrealized because I'm not (yet) limitless as a human being. Well, maybe I am, maybe we all are and don't know it.
Ahhh... that makes perfect sense.

Next time we're both in chat I'd love to have a look at it and see what you've done. Maybe I can make one similar with my Desire Demon. :)
Aprophis wrote:Well, depending on the definitions of the spectrum, I'd fall on the lighter end. But so would 90% of the people I know, so........yeah. I think some definitions are kept too general for my taste.
I sort of agree with this - but the tests for autism are based on a numerical value - to even FALL on the spectrum you have to meet criteria, and each symptom is ranked by severity of expression. Those rankings are then calculated to determine where you fall on that spectrum - if your number is below a certain range (and I don't know what the range is, because while I got a diagnosis of being on the spectrum and requiring assistance, I was so overwhelmed by the whole experience - new doctors, new city, new environments, new services - that I totally shut down and haven't been able to research it afterwards because it brings up the memories and I start to panic), then you don't qualify as being on the spectrum even if you are.

Essentially everyone in the world is a little bit autistic - they're also a little schizo, a little bipolar, a little of every mental illness. The true definition of mental illness, therefore, is not whether you have symptoms, but whether or not those symptoms seriously affect your quality of life and your ability to function in society.
Aprophis wrote:it had more to do with generally being a loner and never getting used to touch. But that was more in my teens and above.
I think a lot of American men have this experience - once you hit your teens, any touch that isn't sexual is treated as sexual anyway, and touch in general outside of sex is strongly discouraged. Being a loner would have exacerbated this problem. A LOT of men are touch-starved by the time they're full adults, and humans who are touch starved get really quirky.

We know that touch starvation is an actual thing... babies who never get touched DIE from it. So... while you may not be aware of being touch starved (most men from this culture aren't aware of it even being a thing), touch starvation absolutely can affect your moods - people (and women do get touch starved too) become more prone to stress-related symptomology, they become depressed, they have anxieties, they develop weird phobias, interesting tics, misplaced aggression... the worse your touch starvation the stranger you get and the more complex your symptomology.

Not saying that you exhibit any of this, but it's something to be aware of, just generally.

Not getting enough hugs literally makes people physically and mentally ill. They've also proven that GETTING hugs lowers your blood pressure, releases endorphins which lighten your mood, relax your muscles, reduces toxins, and all sorts of other good stuff. :)

Something to think about, at any rate.
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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