Failure and success
Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2018 11:13 pm
Ughh!!! The feelings of when things don’t work out are so tormenting! I hate failing, but I am super intrigued by it. I find the ways we fail, and how it teaches us, to be very interesting. While we normally talk about our success, I want to change things up a little. Why don’t we share some of our failures? Not in a judging way, but a way where we can come to terms with what happened and get rid of those negative feelings surrounding it, and learn from it.
Sometimes when I read posts on here, I get really jealous. I get jealous because I live in a Christian society, grew up in a Christian home, and have had countless setbacks on my magickal path. I see people’s success, and simply can’t relate to them. I can’t relate to their lives because ours are radically different, and just the thought of being in my own space where I was free to be who I really am seems like a pipe dream. When you’re experiencing setbacks and failures, it’s easy to spin into a vortex of blockage and negativity, especially when you’re reading only the victories of others.
I recently have begun to come back from a vortex like this. For the past few weeks, I’ve had a heavy depression about my future. I have goals I’m trying to succeed in, with little result. The problem is not me, it is others. Im dealing with the mistakes and failures of family members, leaving me stranded and trying to salvage the pieces. I’ve been trying to find another job, but I haven’t been given the tools to succeed in that field by my family. Until My family can sort out transportation issues, I am stuck at home. Not to say it isn’t all my fault, but the majority is the lack of planning and care of my family members. (Physical family, not spiritual)
I’m a very independent person, I do not like to rely on anyone, especially when it comes to something like this. I want to work and sustain myself, I also want to go to college, but both of those things are currently unattainable because I have no way to get there. When I realized this a year ago, I performed spells to get myself out of this situation. I made a spell to help me attain a car, so I could get a job.
I would help an elderly person on my street with chores for money. I did odd jobs and such for anyone in my area that needed it. I hustled my ass off to try and get money. The problem was, I was making nowhere near enough to afford a used car. After a few months, the elderly man asked me who I was working. I told him I needed a car. And he told me he could have his! I was overjoyed until I saw the car.... it was a lemon! This car could not run, had engine problems, and two flat tires. The damn thing wasn’t worth scrap money.
My spell succeeded. Yay. A car that couldn’t run, but a car. I cried harder than I can remember in recent history. Here I was doing everything I could, still at the mercy of others. I felt like a total loser. I have to hide my beliefs from my family, I have to suffer from their beliefs, and I have to suffer from their actions. The cherry on the sundae was that my spells wouldn’t even work right.
This is the stuff we rarely see. The failure that brings success eventually. The failure that almost kills you, leaving you broken and crawling. I’ve had many times like this in my life, especially my magickal life. Times where my shadow books were carelessly discarded by my family, times where I followed practitioners to only be used and harmed, times where I was literally alone with the entire world against me. Despite all these things, I try to crawl my way back to freedom.
Everyone goes through these things, everyone experiences failure, but it hurts to see someone’s success whenever it’s hard to find your own. I’m not an expert on failure, and I don’t possess all the world’s woes. I’m just trying to get a discussion started on failure. Because someone out there is going through something like me, and I want you to know you are not alone. That’s why every success I’ve had, I let NO ONE take from me. I’ll fight to the death to hold on to what I have, and to hold onto my future successes.
Through this I have strengthened my goals, and realized what is obtainable and what is not. Grounding has been the thing keeping me alive, paired with daily shielding and cleansing. But the main goal of this post is to hopefully help you look at your failures in a new way. They can break you, or they can make you. And I’m not going to let mine break me.
Sometimes when I read posts on here, I get really jealous. I get jealous because I live in a Christian society, grew up in a Christian home, and have had countless setbacks on my magickal path. I see people’s success, and simply can’t relate to them. I can’t relate to their lives because ours are radically different, and just the thought of being in my own space where I was free to be who I really am seems like a pipe dream. When you’re experiencing setbacks and failures, it’s easy to spin into a vortex of blockage and negativity, especially when you’re reading only the victories of others.
I recently have begun to come back from a vortex like this. For the past few weeks, I’ve had a heavy depression about my future. I have goals I’m trying to succeed in, with little result. The problem is not me, it is others. Im dealing with the mistakes and failures of family members, leaving me stranded and trying to salvage the pieces. I’ve been trying to find another job, but I haven’t been given the tools to succeed in that field by my family. Until My family can sort out transportation issues, I am stuck at home. Not to say it isn’t all my fault, but the majority is the lack of planning and care of my family members. (Physical family, not spiritual)
I’m a very independent person, I do not like to rely on anyone, especially when it comes to something like this. I want to work and sustain myself, I also want to go to college, but both of those things are currently unattainable because I have no way to get there. When I realized this a year ago, I performed spells to get myself out of this situation. I made a spell to help me attain a car, so I could get a job.
I would help an elderly person on my street with chores for money. I did odd jobs and such for anyone in my area that needed it. I hustled my ass off to try and get money. The problem was, I was making nowhere near enough to afford a used car. After a few months, the elderly man asked me who I was working. I told him I needed a car. And he told me he could have his! I was overjoyed until I saw the car.... it was a lemon! This car could not run, had engine problems, and two flat tires. The damn thing wasn’t worth scrap money.
My spell succeeded. Yay. A car that couldn’t run, but a car. I cried harder than I can remember in recent history. Here I was doing everything I could, still at the mercy of others. I felt like a total loser. I have to hide my beliefs from my family, I have to suffer from their beliefs, and I have to suffer from their actions. The cherry on the sundae was that my spells wouldn’t even work right.
This is the stuff we rarely see. The failure that brings success eventually. The failure that almost kills you, leaving you broken and crawling. I’ve had many times like this in my life, especially my magickal life. Times where my shadow books were carelessly discarded by my family, times where I followed practitioners to only be used and harmed, times where I was literally alone with the entire world against me. Despite all these things, I try to crawl my way back to freedom.
Everyone goes through these things, everyone experiences failure, but it hurts to see someone’s success whenever it’s hard to find your own. I’m not an expert on failure, and I don’t possess all the world’s woes. I’m just trying to get a discussion started on failure. Because someone out there is going through something like me, and I want you to know you are not alone. That’s why every success I’ve had, I let NO ONE take from me. I’ll fight to the death to hold on to what I have, and to hold onto my future successes.
Through this I have strengthened my goals, and realized what is obtainable and what is not. Grounding has been the thing keeping me alive, paired with daily shielding and cleansing. But the main goal of this post is to hopefully help you look at your failures in a new way. They can break you, or they can make you. And I’m not going to let mine break me.