Where do I start?
I was different from from the start. I saw everything different.
When I was 15 going on 16 I claimed athiestism, after all the abuse I had endured and saw ... Little did I know life had more to deal me. But at that time I discovered Satanism, bought Anton LeVeys bible. My parents found it and threw it away (Catholic upbringing).
Fast forward many years, abusive partners, abusive mother, absent father = lost soul searching. Paganism surfaces and I embrace it with every fiber of my being.
Forward more years .... The Phoenix phase (as I call it) is just a part of my life. Crumbling, burning, rising, foward, repeat. All the while the "darkness" in me is stifled as I am under the belief of good, and light and smile smile smile ....
Hecate embraces me and rescues me from my last abusive relationship. The darkness rises.
I find my soul mate finally. Blissfully stupid happy with him. And may I add a son of Set and relation to the great Crowley.
Lilith barges in January of 2019 and tells me I am not done. I reluctantly take Her hand and as Hecate steps aside and smiles.
Darkness screams at me.
I opened the doors yesterday.
There is a powerful enity with me and I do not know Him. He reminds me of Hades, powerful, dominant, He is tall and fierce... But who is He?
Lilith is quiet.
Hecate quiet.
Even my beloved Trickster Loki, is silent, only wanting more brandy.
So I am here with you, to help me I hope. Help me figure out who He is. He is darkness, He has been waiting very patiently, but now has grown tired of my insecurities and is demanding action? Loss of words there ....
So .... How do I begin?
Help please
Moderator: Akelta
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Harrington13
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:10 am
- Patron Deities: Hecate, Lilith, Loki
- Your favourite Demon?: Behemoth
- Number of Demon Familiars: 1
- Has thanked: 4 times
- Been thanked: 8 times
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User1265455
- Posts: 1045
- Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2012 1:28 pm
- Patron Deities: Paimon, Asmoday, Leviathan, Azazel, Amducius
- Your favourite Demon?: Paimon
- Number of Demon Familiars: 12
- Location: Southeastern Missouri
- Has thanked: 156 times
- Been thanked: 301 times
Light a candle, in a color you feel best represents yourself. This is the light of knowledge and understanding which you bear in your spirit and your mind.
Say "hello."
Ask Him questions. If He's serious about working with you, He will give you either a Name, or a Clue. With my Patron king Paimon, it was a bit of both. I had this unearthly NOISE all around me, strident and impossible to deny (or to deal with, I'm on the spectrum and sound is one of my triggers). It wasn't physical, so there wasn't any way to block it out. And then I started seeing His name EVERYWHERE. And then random people would come to me talking about Him.
Finally, I said, "Ok, I'm listening, but the noise has GOT to stop, I can't COPE with it..." and the noise did. And then we talked.
They're often pretty big/impressive/demanding/obvious to get our attention, but once you say, "I'm listening. Hello." that kind of stuff settles down.
Saying "hello" does not mean you are inviting Him into your life. It does not mean you are submitting to His choice in you. It means that you are willing to hear Him out, and ONLY that much.
If you decide you want more, you will have to take the next step. Let Him have His say. Then, go and think. Do research. Truly consider who you are, and where you want to go with your life - who you want to become, what you want to make your life into. Does He fit that? Is what He's offering better than your picture? Is it NOT in alignment with your ethics and morals?
When you have answered these questions for yourself, then, knowing His name, you'll probably have found His sigil somewhere along the way. Invoke Him, politely, and give Him your answer. You've respectfully listened. You've respectfully considered. You have respectfully decided - for or against doesn't matter, but respect matters a great deal.
Your choice must include not only respect for Him, but also GREAT respect for YOURSELF. Consider yourself FIRST in this. He came to YOU, not the other way around.
Good luck - may you find your joy in this path. I think you will.
-Raven
Say "hello."
Ask Him questions. If He's serious about working with you, He will give you either a Name, or a Clue. With my Patron king Paimon, it was a bit of both. I had this unearthly NOISE all around me, strident and impossible to deny (or to deal with, I'm on the spectrum and sound is one of my triggers). It wasn't physical, so there wasn't any way to block it out. And then I started seeing His name EVERYWHERE. And then random people would come to me talking about Him.
Finally, I said, "Ok, I'm listening, but the noise has GOT to stop, I can't COPE with it..." and the noise did. And then we talked.
They're often pretty big/impressive/demanding/obvious to get our attention, but once you say, "I'm listening. Hello." that kind of stuff settles down.
Saying "hello" does not mean you are inviting Him into your life. It does not mean you are submitting to His choice in you. It means that you are willing to hear Him out, and ONLY that much.
If you decide you want more, you will have to take the next step. Let Him have His say. Then, go and think. Do research. Truly consider who you are, and where you want to go with your life - who you want to become, what you want to make your life into. Does He fit that? Is what He's offering better than your picture? Is it NOT in alignment with your ethics and morals?
When you have answered these questions for yourself, then, knowing His name, you'll probably have found His sigil somewhere along the way. Invoke Him, politely, and give Him your answer. You've respectfully listened. You've respectfully considered. You have respectfully decided - for or against doesn't matter, but respect matters a great deal.
Your choice must include not only respect for Him, but also GREAT respect for YOURSELF. Consider yourself FIRST in this. He came to YOU, not the other way around.
Good luck - may you find your joy in this path. I think you will.
-Raven
"She’s all the unsung heroes who... never quit." ― R. A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ― William Shakespeare, Hamlet
“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series
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Harrington13
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:10 am
- Patron Deities: Hecate, Lilith, Loki
- Your favourite Demon?: Behemoth
- Number of Demon Familiars: 1
- Has thanked: 4 times
- Been thanked: 8 times
Thank you very much!
I left one thing out that was SO important,
The last contact with Him was last week, at my work place. He appeared, and while I can not see all of Him I can sense Him. He placed a hand on my left shoulder. It was hot, not burning hot but hot. And stayed with me for a good 30 minutes.
I've never felt that before and it was unsettling. I know He does not mean any harm towards me, but my Mi,d was blown.
I will find time to connect with Him. I am curious.
Again thank you for your advice! It is greatly appreciated.
I will post an update when I can.
I left one thing out that was SO important,
The last contact with Him was last week, at my work place. He appeared, and while I can not see all of Him I can sense Him. He placed a hand on my left shoulder. It was hot, not burning hot but hot. And stayed with me for a good 30 minutes.
I've never felt that before and it was unsettling. I know He does not mean any harm towards me, but my Mi,d was blown.
I will find time to connect with Him. I am curious.
Again thank you for your advice! It is greatly appreciated.
I will post an update when I can.
-
Harrington13
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:10 am
- Patron Deities: Hecate, Lilith, Loki
- Your favourite Demon?: Behemoth
- Number of Demon Familiars: 1
- Has thanked: 4 times
- Been thanked: 8 times
UPDATE
His name is Behemoth.
And He is amazing.
The floodgates have opened, there is so much information, my head is swimming.
There is now a beautiful peace. A comfort.
His name is Behemoth
His name is Behemoth.
And He is amazing.
The floodgates have opened, there is so much information, my head is swimming.
There is now a beautiful peace. A comfort.
His name is Behemoth
