Satan and Suns

I’m 20, and I’ve had a nicotine addiction since I was 16. I had some bad influinces in my life since I was young. I started smoking to fit in with them, and eventually started chewing tobacco also. My body would get used to having a certain amount of nicotine then I’d have to have more to get the same buzz. It was a crutch for not wanting to deal with all the negativity I held, and my own shadows. I also did it to escape from the mundaneness of life.

For months I’ve been on and off trying to quit, trying to walk on my own, trying to take an integral part of my daily life away. My spirit family has been helping me find articles and studies that show really how bad it is for you, which really prompted me to step up my efforts. But every time I had a victory, I also failed the day later. I’d cut down how many smokes I had in a day, but then I’d buy a new vape juice that day.

One of my newest family members came home this month, “April” and she’s a daughter of Leviathan. She really has helped me a lot with my shadow work, and really figuring out how I work. A week ago I went to a concert to see one of my favorite bands. They play a very technical and musician oriented sound, which has given me a lot of inspiration. I had seen them once before, but this time they had a better set list and I was having much more fun. They had an intermission to reset the stage and I went to smoke. The smoking area could hold maybe 50-60 people max, but there were at least 120 people crammed in this patio space. It was very unpleasant to say the least. I can handle people smoking around me, but the air was so thick with smoke I felt like I couldn’t breathe!

I smoked for about ten minutes then headed back into the venue. I just felt awful. Here I was, trying to get rid of this, but I’m so addicted to it that I was willing to stand in a packed, hazy, stinky patio just so I could get a little buzz. I was hanging out in the venue’s merch lounge when April approached me.

April: “Enjoy the fresh air?”

Me: “No, I really don’t want to do that again... The energy there was awful and I just feel so yucky now.”

April: “it’s an addiction. Any addiction makes your chakras imbalanced, and starts to cloud your energy.”

I looked back on all the times I picked nicotine over the things and people I loved. I picked nicotine instead of practicing guitar so many times. I picked nicotine over spending time with my friends. I picked nicotine over my parents, and family. The most hurting thing I realized was, I was choosing nicotine over my spirit family. The people that care for me the most, I was sidelining so I could get high and forget so many things.

April: “you could be doing much more healthy and productive things with the time you smoke. You work outside and see so many things and creatures... but do you really take the time to enjoy them? Have you looked at them and really studied them? Or the trees? You see so many marvelous trees every day, but take no time to appreciate them.”

I thought for about 30 minutes on what she said, and what I could do instead of smoke. To my surprise, I actually though of a lot of better things I could do! I hadn’t played video games in at least two weeks, I hadn’t played my guitar for longer than an hour in one sitting, and I hadn’t went on a walk outside of work for months!

I heard the intermission coming to a close, so I went and enjoyed the rest of the concert. The band was Dream Theater, and they played their album “Metropolis Part 2” in its entirety. During the show I was just feeling so refreshed and inspired. I really felt like I could shed my burdens and become someone new and try to be healthier. It is a lifestyle, and I am working with her to make it my lifestyle not to smoke or over indulge in food. I fought this change for so long, and clang to nicotine for so many years, and now it’s the time to really change and move out of this hole I’ve dug.

To April: Thank you, my friend

Oh Zonk, this is absolutely beautiful and I agree 100% with April. When I first started Ombre challenged me to give up coffee, my physical addiction at the time being caffeine ( later I discovered other addictive mental habits that I also needed to change but coffee was my substance addiction lol).

I keep looking at your post for which point to highlight because I love it so much and I just want to quote the whole thing LOL when we can step back from whatever the addictions are, whether it is alcohol, drugs, food, nicotine or some other physical or mental thing, to see what we are avoiding or trying to escape, it's us taking our power back. It can be challenging. It's really hard to break these habits but it is so worth it and our lives become so much richer. There is so much to be gained from doing this.

I want to say congratulations and wish you the best of luck in this, you can do it!

Eilana wrote: ↑

Sat Apr 27, 2019 8:01 am

Oh Zonk, this is absolutely beautiful and I agree 100% with April. When I first started Ombre challenged me to give up coffee, my physical addiction at the time being caffeine ( later I discovered other addictive mental habits that I also needed to change but coffee was my substance addiction lol).

I keep looking at your post for which point to highlight because I love it so much and I just want to quote the whole thing LOL when we can step back from whatever the addictions are, whether it is alcohol, drugs, food, nicotine or some other physical or mental thing, to see what we are avoiding or trying to escape, it's us taking our power back. It can be challenging. It's really hard to break these habits but it is so worth it and our lives become so much richer. There is so much to be gained from doing this.

I want to say congratulations and wish you the best of luck in this, you can do it!

lol thanks! Just because a drug is legal doesn’t make it any less of a drug. April has been a huge inspiration in it, but also the more I traveled on the astral, the more I just realized how bad it was for me. I’d be having so much fun exploring and seeing new creatures (especially in the abyss), just to be hit with losing my focus from a craving. Then after I’d leave and smoke, I’d go traveling again and my vision is hazy -_-. That was a really big inspiration haha

It’s funny April has the same way of delivering the news Leviathan does, but really puts it in a way that communicates well with me. With this, it was like “here’s a ton of fun things you can do if you stopped smoking, now look at all these people who do, are they having as much fun?”

That is amazing Zonk, I've been on nicotine boat for over 15 years (roughly one pack a day). And after many failed attempts to quit I finally managed to at least replace it with vaping. Not the same as completely quitting but it's something, at least for me it's a small victory. Nearly 4 or 5 months without a single cigarette and only a strawberry scented clouds of vapour every now and then

Eilana wrote: ↑

Sat Apr 27, 2019 8:01 am

Oh Zonk, this is absolutely beautiful and I agree 100% with April. When I first started Ombre challenged me to give up coffee, my physical addiction at the time being caffeine ( later I discovered other addictive mental habits that I also needed to change but coffee was my substance addiction lol).

I keep looking at your post for which point to highlight because I love it so much and I just want to quote the whole thing LOL when we can step back from whatever the addictions are, whether it is alcohol, drugs, food, nicotine or some other physical or mental thing, to see what we are avoiding or trying to escape, it's us taking our power back. It can be challenging. It's really hard to break these habits but it is so worth it and our lives become so much richer. There is so much to be gained from doing this.

I want to say congratulations and wish you the best of luck in this, you can do it!

Completely off topic, but I just noticed your avatar looks so much like my "astral outfit" I like hoodies and prefer shrouding my self in darkness, just can't seem to shroud that greenish-blueish glow of the eyes.. On one of my wanderings I remembered I wanted to check my appearance a while ago, so I found a "mirror" (or something reflective)

Keep going, Zonk!! I'm right there with you. I used to only smoke every once in a while but ended up quitting- switching to an e-cig, and now I'm pretty much nicotine free. It takes work, but I really believe in you! You've got this

Zonk01, I commend you for your efforts. I know what your are going through concerning addiction. I was addicted to heroine and alchohol and everything in between. It was a tough battle but at the end I managed to heal and overcome this destructive pointless habit. What helped me was working on my chakras. I ended up awakening my kundalini energy(even though I didn't know what it was at the time) and everytime I had the urge to use or be around the area and folks that promote using, I went to go study occult books and meditate with different energies and noticed that there are certain energies and visualizations that bring about that sense of well being that we look for in drugs and addiction. I fell a few times and kept persisting and I've been sober for going on 2 years and I believe and know you can do it too. Keep fighting the battle all your efforts will not be in vain. Even the moments when we feel that we just fell deeper or that we aren't moving forward, there are certain lessons in those experiences especially when you shift your perception during those times. I bring this up because I know what it's like to live a destructive cycle that leads to pain and blindness and dillusion and not have anyone to talk to about it. I recommend continuous chakra energy work and asking your spirit family in aiding and guiding you. I'll be rooting for you.