Two Really Specific Fears and Uncertainties

[infernalseeker]

I know when a lot of people begin to explore LHP paths that fear seems to accompany it. After all, we do live in a society where Abrahamic religions are predominant. Getting involved with demons goes counter to those teachings and general observations. For me, I am not afraid of the Christian concept of Hell. I haven't been in a long time. Being an unrepentant lesbian who left Christianity years ago and practiced a religion that really goes against their beliefs crushed that fear. One fear that I did have at the beginning of my research was more along the lines of being afraid of things such as hauntings or possession. I didn't want to turn my life into some paranormal special on The Discovery Channel. But the more I read and rationalize really softens that fear. To me, calling on a demon is not really that different from calling on a Pagan God. It's just different protocols and whatnot. But there are two things (both related) that still makes me afraid and uncertain.

I live with chronic illness. I live with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue syndrome, and currently a hernia. I am also a cancer patient. I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer in 2016 but luckily, after my hysterectomy, I've been cancer free for the last three years. I do work hard on trying to seek out the right medical help, and do things to try to improve my health. It's not easy and is a slow moving process, but I am still trying. The thing is, is I am trying to figure out if my health will be a negative impact on my spiritual life. I have to live day by day, and sometimes that's a bit hard to follow strict spiritual routines such as daily meditation for example. I do know to stay away from heavy duty magic and ritual when I don't feel my best. That's common sense, but reading about really grueling rituals and spells, and the amount of dedication LHP practices take, will my illnesses play a negative role in going forward?

The other thing, which connects, is that the illness that I live with, aren't just physical. I also deal with mental illness as well. I live with severe depression, anxiety, and paranoia. Depression has been there most of my life, and I can't remember a time when I wasn't depressed, it comes in waves. I have taken medication for it, and I am seeking better treatment for it. I am on the hunt for a good psychiatrist, but there's not many in my area that takes my insurance. Yet again, another long process. I do the best I can. I take myself out of stressful situations, do journaling as a therapuetic exercise, and fight every single day. One of the reasons why I am looking into LHP spirituality is to help with my own fight against my mental illness. I want to feel better about myself and move forward, to get past my own issues, to have the mental health I deserve. But yet again, mental health impacts me just like my physical health does. My fear and uncertainty is the same. I have read where certain spells, rituals, other things can drive people insane. Already compromised, I'm afraid of pushing myself over the edge.

One last thing I am afraid of regarding both my physical and mental health, is that some believe that any magical workings can draw out negative spirits and entities, and can wind up wrecking all sorts of havoc in your life. I have avoided working with things such as Ouija boards due to that notion (and besides I have no real interest in them). I also stayed away from magical workings period through the last few years. And I hate that, since magic does feel a part of me. But can this happen? Am I more susceptible? I don't know.

I apologize if this was a bit personal, but it's the fears I do have and the ones I haven't found any answers about.

[Red6joker]

If you are afraid of taking that leap off the edge into all of this then dont. Take it one step at a time as long as you need. It's not an all in or nothing situation.

While things can go bad if you approach unprepared they can also go extremely well. Research and respect for the craft goes a long way.

Everyone has these fears more or less at first. You are not alone.

[Oceanos]

Like Red said, it is not a race. Theres no need to rush on your path and just go at whatever pace that is best for you. You also dont have to have any strict daily routines. While they are nice, any beings that you might work with will understand that you do what you are able to when you are able to, and that sometimes its just too much, and that is okay. Do what you feel like doing when you feel called to do it, when you have the inspiration and motivation to do so. My practice in the past as well had been an on and off again sort of deal. But it is what worked best for me, and I still made progress and the beings I work with are content with the amount of involvement that they have in my life, since I try to work with them at least a few times a month if not weekly.

I understand your fears but know that if you approach things carefully and do your research, you will be fine.

[Conium]

Like Ocean said, the best practice for you- is one that works for you and doesn't negatively impact your life. There are ways around using up all of that energy and going through the grueling rituals. I know that S. Connolly has a pdf of modified rituals for people with disabilities. The pdf outlines a whole host of modifications that you can use depending on your specific disabilities. If nothing exactly fits, I'm sure that it would be completely fine to form your practice using it as a guide.

If you're afraid of pushing yourself over the edge, pull back. Take some time to really research the rituals and prepare yourself. Find out what the ritual entails and really prepare yourself for it if you have to perform that specific ritual. And in regards to the drawing out negative entities and spirits, the best advice is to have a strong spiritual foundation and to have a really good banishing ritual that you can perform in the case where there is an entity or spirit that is trying to do you harm.

The best thing about any path is the ability to customize it to yourself and your needs. The LHP is about self-empowerment. Find the path that works for you.

I hope that this helped some, and pointed you to more answers for you

[infernalseeker]

If you are afraid of taking that leap off the edge into all of this then dont. Take it one step at a time as long as you need. It's not an all in or nothing situation.

While things can go bad if you approach unprepared they can also go extremely well. Research and respect for the craft goes a long way.

Everyone has these fears more or less at first. You are not alone.

I wasn't planning running in, guns blazing. That's a recipe for disaster. I was planning on doing as much research as I can, maybe even doing a whole year of study before moving forward. I was curious about this, because I saw little about the topic (other than warnings). I wanted something to keep in mind and depending, a detail that may be an important factor.

Either way, even if I decide this isn't for me, I at least learned something. Knowledge is its own reward.

[infernalseeker]

Like Red said, it is not a race. Theres no need to rush on your path and just go at whatever pace that is best for you. You also dont have to have any strict daily routines. While they are nice, any beings that you might work with will understand that you do what you are able to when you are able to, and that sometimes its just too much, and that is okay. Do what you feel like doing when you feel called to do it, when you have the inspiration and motivation to do so. My practice in the past as well had been an on and off again sort of deal. But it is what worked best for me, and I still made progress and the beings I work with are content with the amount of involvement that they have in my life, since I try to work with them at least a few times a month if not weekly.

I understand your fears but know that if you approach things carefully and do your research, you will be fine.

This was very reassuring. I am taking my time with it and doing my homework. That is important, and I wouldn't jump in before doing so. I was curious about this but found little information, which makes those fears more intense. Taking my time has never been a problem, a lot of things work using baby steps. Now with what you mentioned about doing it when feeling inspired, I was actually doing that with my own spiritual activities. It made it a lot more manageable, and I am glad that it can work here. That helps a lot.

[infernalseeker]

Like Ocean said, the best practice for you- is one that works for you and doesn't negatively impact your life. There are ways around using up all of that energy and going through the grueling rituals. I know that S. Connolly has a pdf of modified rituals for people with disabilities. The pdf outlines a whole host of modifications that you can use depending on your specific disabilities. If nothing exactly fits, I'm sure that it would be completely fine to form your practice using it as a guide.

If you're afraid of pushing yourself over the edge, pull back. Take some time to really research the rituals and prepare yourself. Find out what the ritual entails and really prepare yourself for it if you have to perform that specific ritual. And in regards to the drawing out negative entities and spirits, the best advice is to have a strong spiritual foundation and to have a really good banishing ritual that you can perform in the case where there is an entity or spirit that is trying to do you harm.

The best thing about any path is the ability to customize it to yourself and your needs. The LHP is about self-empowerment. Find the path that works for you.

I hope that this helped some, and pointed you to more answers for you

Thank you very much for this comment. I checked out the PDF and it gave me a lot of ideas and a bit of closure, which is always appreciated. I like having some idea of what to expect and to consider before moving ahead. Trust me, I am doing a whole lot of research before taking any huge steps. What's funny is that one thing I am trying to learn how to do is take that step back in my day-to-day life. Even though I deal with illness, I am a driven person with some real "Type A' quirks. And I am wise enough to know that I'm killing myself doing so. I need to take more time for me, and not push myself too hard. You mentioning "taking a step back if I feel too close to the edge" was a nice reminder of that goal.

Also, hearing about customizing your own path delights me. With my own Paganism, I have always been eclectic, and even with my own personal views, they are eclectic too. I am someone that really likes the idea of forging my own path, and I like doing what's right for me. It's just something ingrained in me. But, thank you again.