Self-doubt and skepticism: stray thoughts tell me I'm "becoming insane" by turning to magick/spirituality

[Mikaeshin]

As I have introduced myself before, I am here on this forum because I wanted to get back on my spiritual paths. It has been a long time that I felt spiritually empty, and I decided I would change that after discovering this forum.

Heh, if changes could come so easily.

One thing I sure have to admit is that, from the moments I avoided spirituality, I became a lot more skeptical to things. From drawing myself out of the spiritual/religious field, I became more critical of what people said regarding to those topics. And yet, I never restrained myself to become an Armchair Skeptical Intellectual ^TM to every single moving soul on religious stuff, I always appreciated interesting spiritual experiences.

But, for better or for worse, this skepticism I developed is one of the main reasons I was reluctant to get back into my spirituality: I simply question things all the time. And this doubt had grown this week after I started to read Ramsay Dukes' "How to See Fairies: Discover your Psychic Powers in Six Weeks", in which he states at the introduction that we live in a world (at least in our western views) divided by religion and science, in which magic is ostracized by those two: religions say that magic is evil or ungodly, while science says that magic is fake or merely placebo effects.

I know Dukes wrote this in the introduction as a point to explain what magick is, but this has reminded me of all the doubts I had. All the things that I questioned prior to this decision I did. Now, there are thoughts that came and say:

"You really are at the bottom of the pit, aren't you?"

"You know this is all placebo stuff"

"Look at you, spending money in something that literally is all lies"

"You're becoming insane, and you're just making excuses at this point".

I know having doubts is normal. I know everyone has doubts. But this is the moment that my past comes up to haunt and taunt me. I want to change, I know that at the very bottom I believe in magick and spirituality and that I want to grow. But I turned out to still have a handful of this skeptical line of thought left in my mind, which is aggravating, more than anything

This was more of a vent than anything. I'm taking a break from studying to sort my emotions about it.

[Red6joker]

Hey man, if you feel you need to vent, then go ahead and vent. Scream if it helps. Just let it go and start moving forward, even a small step forward is still a step forward.

[user4558013]

Hi Mika!

So I have an opinion on this. Its a fairly common question that is asked that if I were to have a nickel for every time it was asked, I would be able to buy my own religion.

"How do I know what I am doing is real? How do I make myself believe and get over the skepticism and fear?"


And to this my thoughts are...You shouldn't have to make yourself believe in something. Because that defeats the purpose in having actual faith. It isn't until you come to your OWN terms of what is and what will be, that you will rid of your own skepticism. There is no one rule book, no one way to attaining spiritual awareness. The most enlightened people are enlightened and at peace is because they go with what resonated with them. They found their nirvana in what made sense to them. They no longer based their beliefs and decisions off the reaction of other people.

I'll say it again for emphasis because this is a part that I truly wish people understood.

They no longer based their beliefs and decisions off the reaction of other people.


We all do this funny thing where codependency is something that is just accepted as the norm when it shouldn't be. You think about all the life coaches, gurus in the world and the one thing they all will say and have in common is that you should put yourself as priority. What it is you are essentially doing is making decisions based off of what will make YOU happy first and foremost. Not thinking about the reactions of other people because if you do, then you are actually basing your decision off of what reaction you want to deal with and you completely lose sight of the actual subject for the decision that you are making in the first place. You end up maneuvering through life in a way of making choices that are most ideal reactions to deal with. And chances are when you are making choices based off of what reactions you want to deal with...you aren't making the choice that makes you actually happy. That fulfills you.


When someone asks me why I believe in what I do..I get the nature of the question but to me it is such a silly one. Because I choose to believe in the things that resonate with me, the things that I have personally experienced. I don't expect you or anyone else to believe in my experiences or belief system because you simply weren't there. I know it's not personal. But that is part of the reason why I don't make my beliefs something of a discussion because a discussion gives the implication that there is something that is up for potentially shifting. And I am sorry, you can tell me the sky is blue, green, purple or yellow and that isn't going to change how I personally see the sky as red. So there is no point in discussion.


Put things in perspective, find what resonates with you that makes your ears perk up and go that route. Don't just follow a path because 'well they seem like reasonable people so naturally I should follow in their footsteps' because then you're following someone else's personal journey and of course that isn't going to resonate with you. You're trying to wear someone else's unique shoe size and wondering why the journey is difficult for you walk on.

"Remember you have nothing to hide, nothing to prove and nothing to defend. We cannot change other people, but we can change the way we think about ourselves"

[Kore Serpens]

My own view = The journey to know yourself can take you through many landscapes, belief systems and friendships.... all of them potentially allow the stripping down of, and the revelation of, oneSelf. I feel our journey/pathway is utterly unique to each individual and as such cannot truly be measured or judged by either outsiders, nor by the pain, confusion or doubts that arise to challenge.

Doubt, skepticism, loneliness, self hate, fear ... you don’t necessarily choose them they choose you; they are unique signatures to your own self and they cross our paths many many times throughout our lives/ journey.... they are like running a gauntlet. The gauntlet.... a long path lined on both sides with people using whatever weapon they choose. It could be whips, chains, fire, anything, and you run down the middle of them until you’ve reached the end point. Your challenge is to make it to the end ... make it to the end as your true self. And so, this gauntlet is you, is your life, and reflects, utterly, your choices, needs, desires... and will/willingness.

Whatever you choose, do, is right ... and the price of this freedom is the cost/consequence of every choice you make on your behalf.
It’s your life, your gauntlet after all. And only you can say what’s true and necessary for you.

One thing I have found that can make the journey a wee bit more tolerable at times is the awareness that sometimes our struggles (with doubt, whatever) are not personal. We do face challenges that can be related to our family history/line and we don’t always have the knowledge of that history which can make it really confusing. we don’t always know what we’re feeling or why (I’m speaking totally for myself and my own experience) but it’s still there to be dealt with.

[Cult]

Rejecting skepticism is a perfect way to etiolate your work. Skepticism is good--use it to reach a point of skill where faith is redundant, where there is no room to doubt what you're doing. Test yourself and go from there. If you do a spell and it works, maybe it's a coincidence. Do it again. it's that simple. Then play with it, aim higher. Placebo can only go so far, magic can go further. If you call up a spirit and it consistently leaves real world signs, affects the world tangibly, relays accurate information you have never been exposed to, and those things can't be otherwise explained, only a 14 year old who just discovered atheism would doubt it (maybe also Neil deGrasse Tyson). No need to overthink this and sterilize the world with dry science. If it works, why do you even care? Conversely, don't make excuses for magic/spirits not doing jack shit in order to uphold your faith. It's useful to be skeptical.

[Lacuna]

I used to believe I was schizophrenic when I was younger and going through all this, seeing and hearing things. The idea that you might just be crazy is a lot easier to accept, even if you really believe what you're seeing to be true.

The spiritual journey is an laborious one. No instructions and you're at the whim of whatever or whoever is out there, but you also have to contend with yourself. Blaming exterior forces because you expect your journey to go a certain way (like spirits physically manifesting at all time, third eye activation spells not being instantaneous) to internal factors like your own self-worth, your experience, predispositions...

It's healthy to be skeptical, especially if that's just who you are. To believe in everything can leave you open and lead you down negative paths. Trust in your heart, be yourself, and go for it.