Satan and Suns

Posted: **Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:05 pm**

I think continuing to find a therapist who can help you with these issues would be in your best interest. It can take time to find a therapist who can break through and figure out what happened but I think that would be in your best interest.

I will be honest I don’t think you are dark. I think you are wounded and looking for acceptance in beings that you think would accept you for your own dark thoughts. I think this stems from the abuse that you endured both the dark thoughts and not feeling loved or accepted. Dark thoughts and the darkness within are very complex and I make a point of studying the subtleties and nuances of it and uncover the unique differences. Inner crypt demons have a darkness that makes it so that they are repulsed by love. It is part of their culture and who they are. Part of learning about darkness is honouring that subtly and not forcing your own view of the world on them.

That you would even bring love to the inner crypt is insulting to them and against their culture and who and what they are. They reject it completely.

You don’t have to keep your dark thoughts secret but you can’t expect people to accept them and not push back against them. Also we are having a discussion, if you feel the need to fight me over this discussion and my views you might really want to do some self reflection.

Posted: **Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm**

No I didn't mean I want to fight you and my views. I just might get really passionate.

I guess that means I should embrace my darkness, evil, twistedness, and taboos unapologetically then.
And destroy all who try to harm me. And embrace as much of the core crypt as I can.
And I should just love myself unapologetically and fuck what everyone else thinks.

People think they can read me, when they don't really know me.
Maybe they never will.
I am more complex than you think.
I have a deep darkness, and twistedness that runs within my veins.
I feel the call of both the inner and outer crypt.
I have both bright light and deep darkness. Intensity on both ends of the spectrum.

People may threaten my life.
When they talk shit to me it emboldens me.
I do not fear them.
I will rip them apart.
I will show them not to fuck with me or my people. And when they do, they will find out the horrors of the inner crypt. I'm okay with inner crypt demons using me, as long as they are of my kind. If they cross me, me and my allies will torment them.
I will try my best to stay strong and not fear.
To not be scared and instead be sadistic. :3
The only one I will allow to hate me is myself.
No one can hate me more than myself and how I have suffered on this earth. It fuels my anger and hatred for my enemies, and I will make them tremble. I will rape my enemies' mind, body, soul, strength, and willpower. I will torture them physically, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, and more. I only have mercy when they give up and stop fucking with me and my people. I will have fury like Belial. Cruelty like Svengali. Use gimpi gimpi on my enemies.

There is much duality in me and I see it in everything.

I remember when someone held me down and tried to asphixiate me and immobilize me, I calmed down, and got really happy, then I proceeded to pound their ribs until I broke them. It made me so happy! I enjoyed kicking their ass and putting them in the hospital

Hail Lord Svengali
I am called to the inner crypt.

Posted: **Mon Sep 09, 2024 9:10 pm**

I neither like nor dislike the Crypts since somebody needs to manifest the darkest and most malevolent end of the spectrum and they are what they are.
For me, though, I think I would leave them well alone.

Posted: **Mon Sep 09, 2024 9:16 pm**

Dragonoake wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 9:10 pm
I neither like nor dislike the Crypts since somebody needs to manifest the darkest and most malevolent end of the spectrum and they are what they are.
For me, though, I think I would leave them well alone.

At times I can get like that.
I do have a sweet side though.

Posted: **Mon Sep 09, 2024 9:51 pm**

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
I guess that means I should embrace my darkness, evil, twistedness, and taboos unapologetically then.
And destroy all who try to harm me. And embrace as much of the core crypt as I can.
And I should just love myself unapologetically and fuck what everyone else thinks.

You can do whatever you want to do, but you have to accept the consequences of those actions. People are not going to like you. You will have a hard time making friends, and people will push back against you, and if you meet someone bigger and stronger, well, those who live by the sword.

The LHP is full of edge lords, and I personally don’t think any of them are dark. Everyone has a psychopath serial killer in them. That is a huge part of shadow work. When it rises uncontrollably it is usually a trauma response and a protective reaction to abuse and severe neglect. Shadow integration is knowing that side and being able to integrate it into your being so it only comes out when you need protection and understanding this side. That is shadow work and human nature, not the darkness I speak of.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
People think they can read me, when they don't really know me.
Maybe they never will.
I am more complex than you think.
I have a deep darkness, and twistedness that runs within my veins.

Ok, then show me something complex. Show me a complex understanding of darkness. You have just written words that sound like you are wounded and abused by the world and trying to be edgy to protect yourself. If you are complex, then show me a complex understanding of darkness. Show me an understanding of the Inner Crypt, not just painting your view of it and how you want it to be. Show me a deep understanding of the darkness of the Inner Crypt. What you type here, you just sound like an edge lord, and I do not think any of them are dark, just edgy.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
I feel the call of both the inner and outer crypt.
I have both bright light and deep darkness. Intensity on both ends of the spectrum.

Outer crypt demons are not light in the slightest. Their darkness is different than The inner crypt, sublime and beautiful in its own way. Humans, as a species, have light and dark within them. The two species also do not get along. They hate each other.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
People may threaten my life.
When they talk shit to me it emboldens me.
I do not fear them.
I will rip them apart.
I will show them not to fuck with me or my people. And when they do, they will find out the horrors of the inner crypt. I'm okay with inner crypt demons using me, as long as they are of my kind. If they cross me, me and my allies will torment them.
I will try my best to stay strong and not fear.
To not be scared and instead be sadistic. :3

This just sounds like edge lord threats. It is not dark. It reveals someone who is wounded and is looking for acceptance in what they believe is darkness. You also sound like inside you are scared of people. A scared individual who has been severely abused and neglected and will let anyone who says they love you hurt you just as long as you feel love and acceptance.

The inner Crypt Demons don’t accept humans; they don’t like them, and even their own are not their kind. It is a power dynamic of who is the strongest; there is no love, and there is no friendship, and they will also hurt you and threaten you. That is their nature.

When people talk shit about me, it makes me laugh most of the time. LOL I also do the same when they threaten me and that happens a lot on youtube. Especially if the people do not know me, their words and their projections on me amuse me greatly and mean nothing. A dark person watches in silence and does not need to react or make threats. You can learn a lot about another by how they talk about you and others. Darkness watches and observes it doesn’t need to be threatening. I don’t need to waste my time on other people who don't matter.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
The only one I will allow to hate me is myself.
No one can hate me more than myself and how I have suffered on this earth. It fuels my anger and hatred for my enemies, and I will make them tremble. I will rape my enemies' mind, body, soul, strength, and willpower. I will torture them physically, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, and more. I only have mercy when they give up and stop fucking with me and my people. I will have fury like Belial. Cruelty like Svengali. Use gimpi gimpi on my enemies.

Self-hatred is not darkness; it is pain, and it is you being wounded. To embrace darkness is to not be impacted by the world and the words of others. To not waste time on those who are unworthy and to walk in confidence and in shadow. There is a subtly to the sublime complexity of darkness, and those who are dark don’t need to speak these words, and they don’t need to utter threats. You are trying to make yourself intimidating and threatening, but someone who is truly dark doesn’t get threatened or intimidated. They also don’t need to threaten others. They know their power. They know who they are. You need to look at where this self-hatred comes from and find the healing that you need.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
There is much duality in me and I see it in everything.

It’s called being human. We are the best of the best and the worst of the worst. That duality is in our species.

If you really want to understand your darkness, you have to heal. This is going to take a lot of time, and it is going to take you finding a therapist who you can open up with and going through the abuse and trauma you endured. You have to differentiate between what is trauma and what is truly you. That is the only way you find your darkness. You need to find a therapist who can challenge you and help you heal and face all this.. The complexities of darkness are incredible, but by even bringing love as a construct into the Inner Crypt you deny what they are and simplify the vast spectrum of darkness. I really hope that you can find the healing that you need because I can see you have been very hurt and are very wounded.

Posted: **Mon Sep 09, 2024 10:29 pm**

Akelta wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 9:51 pm

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
I guess that means I should embrace my darkness, evil, twistedness, and taboos unapologetically then.
And destroy all who try to harm me. And embrace as much of the core crypt as I can.
And I should just love myself unapologetically and fuck what everyone else thinks.
You can do whatever you want to do, but you have to accept the consequences of those actions. People are not going to like you. You will have a hard time making friends, and people will push back against you, and if you meet someone bigger and stronger, well, those who live by the sword.

The LHP is full of edge lords, and I personally don’t think any of them are dark. Everyone has a psychopath serial killer in them. That is a huge part of shadow work. When it rises uncontrollably it is usually a trauma response and a protective reaction to abuse and severe neglect. Shadow integration is knowing that side and being able to integrate it into your being so it only comes out when you need protection and understanding this side. That is shadow work and human nature, not the darkness I speak of.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
People think they can read me, when they don't really know me.
Maybe they never will.
I am more complex than you think.
I have a deep darkness, and twistedness that runs within my veins.
Ok, then show me something complex. Show me a complex understanding of darkness. You have just written words that sound like you are wounded and abused by the world and trying to be edgy to protect yourself. If you are complex, then show me a complex understanding of darkness. Show me an understanding of the Inner Crypt, not just painting your view of it and how you want it to be. Show me a deep understanding of the darkness of the Inner Crypt. What you type here, you just sound like an edge lord, and I do not think any of them are dark, just edgy.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
I feel the call of both the inner and outer crypt.
I have both bright light and deep darkness. Intensity on both ends of the spectrum.
Outer crypt demons are not light in the slightest. Their darkness is different than The inner crypt, sublime and beautiful in its own way. Humans, as a species, have light and dark within them. The two species also do not get along. They hate each other.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
People may threaten my life.
When they talk shit to me it emboldens me.
I do not fear them.
I will rip them apart.
I will show them not to fuck with me or my people. And when they do, they will find out the horrors of the inner crypt. I'm okay with inner crypt demons using me, as long as they are of my kind. If they cross me, me and my allies will torment them.
I will try my best to stay strong and not fear.
To not be scared and instead be sadistic. :3
This just sounds like edge lord threats. It is not dark. It reveals someone who is wounded and is looking for acceptance in what they believe is darkness. You also sound like inside you are scared of people. A scared individual who has been severely abused and neglected and will let anyone who says they love you hurt you just as long as you feel love and acceptance.

The inner Crypt Demons don’t accept humans; they don’t like them, and even their own are not their kind. It is a power dynamic of who is the strongest; there is no love, and there is no friendship, and they will also hurt you and threaten you. That is their nature.

When people talk shit about me, it makes me laugh most of the time. LOL I also do the same when they threaten me and that happens a lot on youtube. Especially if the people do not know me, their words and their projections on me amuse me greatly and mean nothing. A dark person watches in silence and does not need to react or make threats. You can learn a lot about another by how they talk about you and others. Darkness watches and observes it doesn’t need to be threatening. I don’t need to waste my time on other people who don't matter.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
The only one I will allow to hate me is myself.
No one can hate me more than myself and how I have suffered on this earth. It fuels my anger and hatred for my enemies, and I will make them tremble. I will rape my enemies' mind, body, soul, strength, and willpower. I will torture them physically, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, and more. I only have mercy when they give up and stop fucking with me and my people. I will have fury like Belial. Cruelty like Svengali. Use gimpi gimpi on my enemies.
Self-hatred is not darkness; it is pain, and it is you being wounded. To embrace darkness is to not be impacted by the world and the words of others. To not waste time on those who are unworthy and to walk in confidence and in shadow. There is a subtly to the sublime complexity of darkness, and those who are dark don’t need to speak these words, and they don’t need to utter threats. You are trying to make yourself intimidating and threatening, but someone who is truly dark doesn’t get threatened or intimidated. They also don’t need to threaten others. They know their power. They know who they are. You need to look at where this self-hatred comes from and find the healing that you need.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
There is much duality in me and I see it in everything.
It’s called being human. We are the best of the best and the worst of the worst. That duality is in our species.

If you really want to understand your darkness, you have to heal. This is going to take a lot of time, and it is going to take you finding a therapist who you can open up with and going through the abuse and trauma you endured. You have to differentiate between what is trauma and what is truly you. That is the only way you find your darkness. You need to find a therapist who can challenge you and help you heal and face all this.. The complexities of darkness are incredible, but by even bringing love as a construct into the Inner Crypt you deny what they are and simplify the vast spectrum of darkness. I really hope that you can find the healing that you need because I can see you have been very hurt and are very wounded.

I read this and believe you are right. Thanks Akelta for clearing this up. I appreciate your deep knowledge and wisdom.

Posted: **Mon Sep 09, 2024 10:34 pm**

Akelta wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 9:51 pm

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
I guess that means I should embrace my darkness, evil, twistedness, and taboos unapologetically then.
And destroy all who try to harm me. And embrace as much of the core crypt as I can.
And I should just love myself unapologetically and fuck what everyone else thinks.
You can do whatever you want to do, but you have to accept the consequences of those actions. People are not going to like you. You will have a hard time making friends, and people will push back against you, and if you meet someone bigger and stronger, well, those who live by the sword.

The LHP is full of edge lords, and I personally don’t think any of them are dark. Everyone has a psychopath serial killer in them. That is a huge part of shadow work. When it rises uncontrollably it is usually a trauma response and a protective reaction to abuse and severe neglect. Shadow integration is knowing that side and being able to integrate it into your being so it only comes out when you need protection and understanding this side. That is shadow work and human nature, not the darkness I speak of.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
People think they can read me, when they don't really know me.
Maybe they never will.
I am more complex than you think.
I have a deep darkness, and twistedness that runs within my veins.

Ok, then show me something complex. Show me a complex understanding of darkness. You have just written words that sound like you are wounded and abused by the world and trying to be edgy to protect yourself. If you are complex, then show me a complex understanding of darkness. Show me an understanding of the Inner Crypt, not just painting your view of it and how you want it to be. Show me a deep understanding of the darkness of the Inner Crypt. What you type here, you just sound like an edge lord, and I do not think any of them are dark, just edgy.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
I feel the call of both the inner and outer crypt.
I have both bright light and deep darkness. Intensity on both ends of the spectrum.
Outer crypt demons are not light in the slightest. Their darkness is different than The inner crypt, sublime and beautiful in its own way. Humans, as a species, have light and dark within them. The two species also do not get along. They hate each other.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
People may threaten my life.
When they talk shit to me it emboldens me.
I do not fear them.
I will rip them apart.
I will show them not to fuck with me or my people. And when they do, they will find out the horrors of the inner crypt. I'm okay with inner crypt demons using me, as long as they are of my kind. If they cross me, me and my allies will torment them.
I will try my best to stay strong and not fear.
To not be scared and instead be sadistic. :3
This just sounds like edge lord threats. It is not dark. It reveals someone who is wounded and is looking for acceptance in what they believe is darkness. You also sound like inside you are scared of people. A scared individual who has been severely abused and neglected and will let anyone who says they love you hurt you just as long as you feel love and acceptance.

The inner Crypt Demons don’t accept humans; they don’t like them, and even their own are not their kind. It is a power dynamic of who is the strongest; there is no love, and there is no friendship, and they will also hurt you and threaten you. That is their nature.

When people talk shit about me, it makes me laugh most of the time. LOL I also do the same when they threaten me and that happens a lot on youtube. Especially if the people do not know me, their words and their projections on me amuse me greatly and mean nothing. A dark person watches in silence and does not need to react or make threats. You can learn a lot about another by how they talk about you and others. Darkness watches and observes it doesn’t need to be threatening. I don’t need to waste my time on other people who don't matter.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
The only one I will allow to hate me is myself.
No one can hate me more than myself and how I have suffered on this earth. It fuels my anger and hatred for my enemies, and I will make them tremble. I will rape my enemies' mind, body, soul, strength, and willpower. I will torture them physically, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, and more. I only have mercy when they give up and stop fucking with me and my people. I will have fury like Belial. Cruelty like Svengali. Use gimpi gimpi on my enemies.
Self-hatred is not darkness; it is pain, and it is you being wounded. To embrace darkness is to not be impacted by the world and the words of others. To not waste time on those who are unworthy and to walk in confidence and in shadow. There is a subtly to the sublime complexity of darkness, and those who are dark don’t need to speak these words, and they don’t need to utter threats. You are trying to make yourself intimidating and threatening, but someone who is truly dark doesn’t get threatened or intimidated. They also don’t need to threaten others. They know their power. They know who they are. You need to look at where this self-hatred comes from and find the healing that you need.

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 8:12 pm
There is much duality in me and I see it in everything.
It’s called being human. We are the best of the best and the worst of the worst. That duality is in our species.

If you really want to understand your darkness, you have to heal. This is going to take a lot of time, and it is going to take you finding a therapist who you can open up with and going through the abuse and trauma you endured. You have to differentiate between what is trauma and what is truly you. That is the only way you find your darkness. You need to find a therapist who can challenge you and help you heal and face all this.. The complexities of darkness are incredible, but by even bringing love as a construct into the Inner Crypt you deny what they are and simplify the vast spectrum of darkness. I really hope that you can find the healing that you need because I can see you have been very hurt and are very wounded.

I have a few questions for you.
I know I end up saying dumb things, I guess thats just my learning style.
I appreciate your patience with me.

Posted: **Tue Sep 10, 2024 5:38 am**

Akelta wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 9:51 pm
Self-hatred is not darkness; it is pain, and it is you being wounded. To embrace darkness is to not be impacted by the world and the words of others. To not waste time on those who are unworthy and to walk in confidence and in shadow. There is a subtly to the sublime complexity of darkness, and those who are dark don’t need to speak these words, and they don’t need to utter threats. You are trying to make yourself intimidating and threatening, but someone who is truly dark doesn’t get threatened or intimidated. They also don’t need to threaten others. They know their power. They know who they are. You need to look at where this self-hatred comes from and find the healing that you need.

I love this so much because I consider so much of my own darkness like a silence moving in all directions. Perceiving but being unmoved, watching as things rise and fall, making itself and unmaking itself. It is why I never have been moved by popularity contests and seldom truly care about the opinions of others outside of a superficial way of either being annoyed or being inconvenienced in some manner. Even my mother remarked at how difficult it was to punish me as a child because I was unmoved and didn't care about whatever was taken away.
When I truly settle into my myself it is as if there is a unending chasm into which everything simply drops away and in consumed. I can cut off toxic love whenever it no longer serves me by surrendering it to this darkness because it happily obliterates anything without hesitation but also passionlessly. There is no anger or hate within it. It is just simple corrosive, all consuming and all birthing from which all of my creativity and passions also rise from its endless potential even as it obliterates anything which does not serve my growth and purpose.
The impermanence of things, the ever flowing coming and going of the world does not touch it, and because of that love can co-exist quite nicely with it because it is not an anti-thesis to love or an opposition. I have been called cold and aloof at times just because of inner core that simply existed in a state of dark tranquility. I don't get stressed. My anger may come in a sudden sharp burst but dissipates quickly fading back into the endless pit within me where it has risen from.
It is also why I confidently say that if someone truly attempted to harm but that I would strike back with brutal efficiency out of a simple desire to eliminate them entirely from my life and surroundings and if I did so it would be cold and calculating because it wouldn't be about vengeance but simply throwing something back into the void more or less.

That said... because I am a person who places value on positive feelings like love and enjoy experiencing the sweetness and bittersweet pain of it, I am also soft-hearted and will tear up even with sad soppy movies LOL

This is also why I love a lot of my darker demon companion including my outer crypt demons but even more so with those of the void because there is a great pleasure in drifting the sublime beauty of this darkness that impartially holds twisted horrors and magnificence.

I think a lot can be celebrated and loved about the outer crypt who revels in this darkness, breathes it, breeds it, and celebrate their bonds with each other.

Posted: **Tue Sep 10, 2024 6:06 am**

Of course it goes without saying that intense emotions like love, passion and even less pleasant ones like anger is born from darkness and so can certainly exist within it. Like my own inner darkness has a deep sensual sensory current to it basically because that is its favorite flavor lol. It rises up from my core darkness but also prefers to consume that same thing. So things of beauty either physically where I can absorb that beauty through gazing at it, through enjoy flavors, strains of music, and various forms of pleasures.... these are all part of my own darkness as something it both creates and draws endlessly back into itself.

The love of outer crypt demons is wonderfully rich because while they are very much in tune with that destructive essence of darkness in which the crypts consume all things given to it, withering the flesh and cracking the bone into dust.... they can also be the most tender and kindly toward the spirits of the dead, caring from them in their final separations from the flesh and tending to the remains left behind.

I would imagine any cemetery would be fortunate to be lovingly tended by a crypt demon.
Which gives me some thought regarding my companions and exploring this further. I am not much of a death work person though I've had more than one person tell me that my energy tends to align with a talent for that (perhaps why I have so many necromantic inclined among my companions lol) but I can see doing some simple exercises within the cemetery to facilitate peace and comfort not only for the dead but for the loved ones of the departed who visit. Something worth thinking about.

Posted: **Tue Sep 10, 2024 8:21 am**

Quizzical wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 9:16 pm

Dragonoake wrote: ↑
Mon Sep 09, 2024 9:10 pm
I neither like nor dislike the Crypts since somebody needs to manifest the darkest and most malevolent end of the spectrum and they are what they are.
For me, though, I think I would leave them well alone.
At times I can get like that.
I do have a sweet side though.

There's an old saying about fools rushing in where angels fear to tread...
I agree with a lot of what Akelta is telling you. I lived with a self-described control freak for 32 years (never knowing when she might suddenly fly into a rage about some little thing that might have happened ten years before), so I know a wounded soul when I see one.
She's trying to help you, and if you stop trying to defend yourself long enough to actually play attention, you might find that there's some wisdom in her words

Satan and Suns

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