Meditation 4: Demonic Twisted Funhouse of Hell

[ysabeau]

Meditation 4

Demonic Twisted Funhouse of Hell

Every Carnival has a Funhouse... well this one has also been called a Madhouse. You have heard stories and whispers of what is inside. It is a place where one is faced with elements of their soul and are forever transformed. It is an experience, an awakening of the inner child, an exploration of the dark child and a transformation of the mask to the true self. Those who enter are faced with elements and sides of themselves. They are faced with the inner truth of their soul.

The fun house is a symbol of the subconscious. A symbol for what is buried. It is a frightening experience. There are many houses all over the world. Some horror-filled, some excitement-filled. They all excite the senses and heighten our awareness. They can also represent our frustration. Situations we feel trapped by, events in our life that we are stuck in. This Funhouse is one of transformation, revealing those elements and sides to you that are trapped and need to be released. Walking through the fun house and coming face to face with elements of yourself can release these frustrations and release these sides and initiate you into an energetic transformation and awakening.

The funhouse puts you in touch with the sides of your self that are often ignored and repressed. That voice in your head you wish you listen to who turns out more often than not to be right. In the darkness of the funhouse you can hear these voices, these whispers and you can face the truth that you have tried to hide.


Trigger Warning...

When I started doing this meditation it took on a life of its own and some areas are rather Dark... If you are disturbed by dark topics or frighten easily, please be warned that there are sections in this meditation that can be rather dark and might be disturbing to some participants.

Do the meditation below then post your experience!


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The meditation can be found below.

[Lycana]

Ryn accompanies me to the fun house. We step inside and meet the contortionist. She bends and everything bends with her. Time and reality warps and I see glimpses of performances I have been in, and performances that I experienced. Carnivals, fairs, a lepenzan stallion performance, circus. It is a spinning whirl, a tapestry of laughter and experiences that Ryn seemed to almost conduct, a smile on his face.
(forgive the follow order as I don’t quite recall in which order everything occurred lol)
The doctor and his flesh doll receive little of my attention as I am too interested in watching the flesh dolls hunt and fight. The one that I am given is twisted with whirling darkness throughout the core of his body. “He” (for simplicity sake) is no recognizable gender, or feature, not even a face. He is like a blank canvas, a mold that exists solely for housing the vortex of darkness within him. I pick him up and carry him with me.
It fades and then we move on, the light shifts and there are horrifying masks that stare down, their mouths open with laughter and screams, their eyes following us. I step inside the room and there is Siiow, juggling body parts as he stands on a ball of flesh…. It occurs to me that this is the carnival manifesting through flesh, taking hold of every part and infusing everything as part of its play. Ryn just watches with amusement and claps when the performance is over. My word is revealed to me. Whore. He shuffles his cards and pulls the queen of hearts and it has the same word written in red across it. The rose he also hands has the word burned into its petals.
I am split in three forms and I see my shadow self, I see my true form self, and then I see a monstrous vision of myself that I cannot really describe except that it has a wide mouth and long, sharp teeth and is very very pale. The monster me comes first. It reminds me that I am fierce, I am terrible, I a mother of monsters, a creature of life and death in the most primal sense. She enters into me. My true form self smiles and reminds me that I am more than what I seem, that I don’t owe anyone myself and I walk in my own power. She comes back into me. My shadow form whispers of the darkness and embracing it, of find succor and power there and she too rejoins me.
The mirror room gives me a pause. I see the selves that I saw in Siiow’s room but there are many others, as well as a pale ghostly child with mysterious smile. There are other similar but different monsters to the main one, as well as various demonic bodies and forms that express different states. They are usually at rest and sleeping but this time they have begun to awaken. Ryn exclaims with delight before following me into the final room.
The sun dancer is there, she is golden and glorious and the sun whispers through my darkness, her light bending in beautiful glimmering warm gold of golden black flames through the heart of the void. She dances and the warmth spills over me, the golden infusing my darkness with a spectrum of dark light strata that shift and dance. I soak it in, celebrating in its beauty until finally it ends and Ryn takes my hand, leading me outside, a pleased smile on his face.

[wraithey]

My gladiator, the void kitten, and my incubus husband join me for this one. At first, it looks like the carnival’s gates are locked again but I blink and the gates shove open. We move past the carousel, a dart board, someone riding one of those huge bicycles, and a cotton candy vendor. But, we turn around when the vendor shouts to us. I grab one large pink fluffy cloud for us all to share.

The truth is revealed.

I think the vendor just wanted to reconnect with the kitten again because he takes the opportunity to give the little kitten some treats that were in his pocket. We stay until the meditation pulls us to the door of the hell house. It looks like a large, large clown head. The doors are located through the mouth so, we push past the black velvet curtains to walk inside. The walls feel like painted wood until we feel the change to something more fleshy. I can’t help but scream “ god damn flesh gardens! “ To which, my husband snorts and pats my shoulder.

When we come up to the contortionist, there are clown masks covering the walls. As we step closer they melt away to dark faces that look like they’re pressing out of the black painted wall. All of them look like they’re trying to escape. Everything about the vibe gives me Silent Hill nurses.

After her performance, she walks over to pet the kitten. Her other hand hovers over my heart as if pushing energy through the chakra; an action that mirrors what my dancer was doing the other night while I was falling asleep. I feel love here. Understanding. As much as I want to ask about it, meditation pushes us forward.

The doctor’s area is a little blurrier than everything else so far. I see an eyeball with legs. I see some kind of canine on the floor. Hovering in the corner is a half wolf / half tiger looking creature. What I end up staring at, of all things, is a racoon. At first, I think it’s just a racoon. I’m still questioning what I’m seeing when it’s handed to me. Upon closer inspection I see one of it’s ears is missing. There’s tiny triangular horns on top of it’s head. One eye looks black with a green tint while the other is blood red. Little racoon hands have been replaced by orange cat paws and it’s normally fluffy tail looks more akin to something feline.

In my arms, it immediately rolls over as if looking for stomach scritches. I oblige as we continue walking forward.

There’s a theme the rest of the way through. Siiow revealed the Strength tarot card. The three sides of me tole me to never stop trying and that I can take whatever I want. The third form, which looked like a traditional angel, simply smiled before integrating back.

Maybe that’s why, when the solar dancer starts walking close I can’t help but break down and cry. Bring in the sunlight feels empowering. Something’s lifted off my shoulders. I feel lighter than I have since moving to a different state. She tells me it’s almost over. It’s like a sunlit meadow. I start crying and tell her how tired I am. “ You’ve got this, okay? You’ve come this far. Just a few more steps. “

I hope she’s right.

[karenwpi]

This was the clearest my own energies have felt during a Carnivale meditation! Came through for round two, having fallen asleep during round one as the walls transitioned to flesh and further asleep as the beautiful aerialist began her movements.

Many things happened. For one, I was really focused and felt settled in my own self. The countdown numbers were all different forms, #3 was Carnivale ticket ribbons, #2 was Mercenary Storage Traveling Boxes, & #1 was carnavalesque style ticket ribbons sprouting flowers and greenery! So captivating and also representative of Ey', Volk, & myself.

My form that materialized for this meditation has tentacles and is rather large. My True Form Self, whom I finally admit that I know who she is, has many forms and readily transitions. This Form learns information much like an octopus here on earth and loves gathering information and energies. She is delightful! She nearly glides as we walk forward. I am her, I am me. It's mysterious!

I feel very serious and so call Ey' and he joins. He casts his circle of joy and it emanates and spreads. My heart opens fully and the seriousness shakes off. I can finally see Volk clearly & he is sporting his costume with soft fabric spider legs again! So funny. We enter the house, yet we also stand outside and wait for full attunement. It's a paradox that is experienced as it unfolds. Again, very mysterious!

The sequence of events eludes me now ... as it often does here. I believe this is my third year...maybe fourth. And, I'm always turned about at this place!! Yet I am not afraid. It has to do with the complexities within the labyrinth of the mind. And, my own connections to the Underworld. The tunnels twist and turn and I become as complicated as the labyrinth itself.

We enter. And move forward...

Walking into the ever darkening spaces, the walls thick with living bits of former wholes...I feel decidedly safe and comfortable. There is no fear, and this is real.

The Càrnivale Aerialist catches my attention immediately. She is exactly like the traditional representation of demons! Climbing up the wall mysteriously and with otherworldly agility. She looks over her shoulder like an owl, swiveling her head to unusual angles. Her eyes pierce the fabric around my soul and she sees me. She had already seen me. The mystery begins to open and the surreal nature of this environment is palpable.

I see my role and my dark children are there, ready and excited. We are Acorn here. An aerialist extraordinaire! This is an exciting role and one we can embrace with ease and long standing comfort!

Moving to another space...

Dr. Sechah & the beautiful Crypt Doll are my favorite, and then I think the same as i encounter everyone else lol! They are amazing & the gifts this year are just as interesting as previous years'. My flesh creature has teeth and settles along my back right side and draping over my shoulder. We quickly twin up and settle together energetically. This feels very soothing and strengthens my right side.

Moving along to body parts getting juggled!

My heart looks really healthy & I feel pleased. Which is an advancement from previous years when this made me squeamish. My eyes look a fright, I seem overwhelmed. He fixes this and they look healthy. I can't help myself, I open my eyes and gaze at the sunshine and the birds. I hear him working on me and I can feel it physically. I close my eyes as I get up off his table....(I think I'm confusing sequence here...) and now I've suddenly lost the directions within the house!!

The word I saw first got burnt, letter by letter. Then, my name was there. I confirmed & yes it's my name Karen. We embrace this & see that as my name became representative of something really different from myself, I've become dissociated from it. It's time to reclaim my name. My Dark energies rose up and I saw orange-reds form into the shape of a sun and deep black sweeps everywhere else which is a wide expanse that seems to go on forever. It's so beautiful and feels sublime. This forms into an emblem that becomes a part of my head as a doll. My doll is beautiful and she eats treats and sips tea with other dolls. And wanders about looking at the shops and chattering with all the diverse dolls about!
This is a great meditation!

[Bluemoonrabbit]

The fun house is always fun! I meet up with my guardian again, and he's happy to see (even though he has no idea why I love the carnival, let alone the funhouse so much.)

We enter, and we start talking about things. I start messing with the faces on the wall. I enjoyed poking them in the nose. Some of them seemed to like it. My guardian dropped his fan, and a little demon? rat with wings picks it up for him and gives it to him. It eventually decided to nestle in my bun. I see a few others scurrying around.

We talk and laugh, and we eventually get to the pet shop of horrors! I laugh and giggle seeing all of them. The large zombie doll I met a few years ago was there, and started playing with my new rat friend. He eventually put him back. My guardian made a comment about how he was afraid the demons were going to keep me here at the carnival and never give me back. I told him they don't have enough fried food to feed me. (M’phera laughed). We watched the dolls scurry around, and two approached my guardian. One was a foot with eyes and little arms, the other was a blob in a brain-like shape. They seemed to work together. I watched as a rough looking little meat doll came running up, and then… My actual doll appeared. He came over, picked up the other doll and threw him a good distance away from me. And the other little dolls attacked it. “This one likes to throw things, please take him.” The doctor seemed very happy to have found a home for this one.

Seeing the jester was always fun. Zombor likes flowers. I know that word, and it makes sense. Yet, I can't remember the word.

We kept going, and “Zombor” seemed to enjoy this place. He eventually started trying to fight a part of me in the mirrors, growling at it and chasing it away from me. Zombor seemed very eager to protect me, and seemed to like the rat.

Zombor gets really excited seeing the Solar Dancer. He really liked her energy and performance. Something about it seemed to do something to him. He seems to enjoy dances and moving shows.

Seeing my guardian again always makes me happy, and I know the whole carnival drives him nuts. But he does it for me, including adopting little pet flesh dolls.